The Hole in the 4th Wall Bar #6: Heironymous and the Wife, Part 2

Chris was in his office looking at Facebook. "I really enjoyed Planet of Wrestling. I wonder how that's going?" he mused to himself. Just then, someone knocked on his door, and he called, "Come in!"

A tall, bald man with a thick mustache entered the room. "Heironymous!" Chris called out. "You ever thought of being a wrestler?"

The agent raised an eyebrow, and said, "No. I was a circus strongman once though."

Chris looked surprised for a few seconds, and then said, "Your look makes so much sense now." Then he tilted his head slightly, and added, "I would think you would have gone for fire eater though."

Heironymous gave a slight grin. "Did that too." As he sat down in front of the desk, he added, "I was also a sword swallower beyond compare."

Chris was intrigued, "Oh, really?"

"Oh yeah," he nodded. "I'd actually swallow them. My internal heat would liquefy the steel, and there was nothing to pull back up," he said with a wink and a chuckle.

Chris chuckled too. "I'm just trying to reconcile Agent-you with Strongman-you."

"I cut quite the figure," Heironymous assured him.

Chris laughed. "I bet you did!" Musing over the mental picture for a couple of more seconds, he finally said, "Well, what can I help you with?"

The special agent sighed, and with a strained smile, he answered, "I did what you required: I married the monkey."

"And how was the honeymoon?" Chris asked with a grin.

"Very funny," Heironymous said in an unamused tone, "but thank you for skipping over the wedding scene."

Chris shrugged. "A deal's a deal, right?"

The dragon man nodded in agreement, but added, "That wasn't all of our deal though."

Chris simply answered, "I haven't forgotten about your continuity, Heironymous."

"I'm starting to understand that," he said, "but I still don't understand how that story is going to help it," he said in a matter-of-fact tone. "Not only am I now married to a monkey, but my partner is apparently lost to fairies?"

Chris balked a little. "You mean the same partner you complained showed up out of nowhere?"

"I didn't expect to lose her."

Heironymous' mouth tightened a little as he recalled his words from his first visit. "She's really become my partner since then," he acknowledged. "I didn't expect to lose her."

Chris bit his lip for moment, then said, "We never expect loss, do we? Don't worry. I have something in the works."

"Crystal's coming back?" the old dragon asked.

"I didn't say that," Chris answered quietly, "but I won't leave you hanging without backup, okay?"

"Maybe you should," the agent offered. "I can handle myself."

"Sure," Chris nodded, "but you make such a great straightman. I hate to leave that untapped."

"Great," Heironymous said dryly. "I can't tell you how much that means to me."

"See?" Chris said with a laugh. "You need a buddy-cop."

"Do I?" Heironymous said with no smile. "What about," he sighed, and finished, "Swingy-Dingy? Sure, she stayed in Oz, but I'm married to her now. You know how serious I take my commitments. Do I really have to stay married to a monkey?"

"Maybe... you could eat her?"

Chris pursed his lips as he looked at his desk, then scanned the ceiling as if looking for a good answer. Holding one hand out to the side, he said, "Maybe... you could eat her?"

"Excuse me?" Heironymous sounded almost offended.

"What? You've eaten people before. 'Dragon's gotta eat,' remember?"

Heironymous laced his fingers together across his stomache, and looked off to the side. "That... that was a crossover. We don't know how much of that is true."

"Hey," balked Chris. "Leave the writing to me. But okay, fine, I have been thinking of cutting some of that out of your history. Still, you know Saint George. That era seems to be full of stories of dragons eating cattle and sheep. Is it so inconceivable that they might eat monkeys if they're available?"

"You're talking about my wife," Heironymous groused. "I'm not going to just eat her to get rid of her."

"Hunting accident?" Chris mused allowed.

"In Oz?" Heironymous scoffed.

"Divorce?"

"I don't do divorce."

The agent growled low, a little smoke coming from his nose. "I don't do divorce."

Chris rolled his eyes. "Oh, calm down, worrywart. I told you I'd straighten it out, and I will. I have a plan."

"Do you care to elaborate?"

Chris scoffed. "No! 'Spoilers?' Not happening. You'll know when I write it, just like everyone else."

Heironymous looked frustrated, but said nothing. After several seconds, he finally said, "Fine. You've gotten me this far, and done everything you said you would do."

Chris waved the dragon off. "Get outta here. Of course I did! And that was a grand adventure, right?"

Heironymous smirked. "Yep. I have to admit: a trip through the Fairylands qualifies."

"And what'd you think of Princess Emma?"

"And what'd you think of Princess Emma?" Chris asked with a grin.

Heironymous smiled big. "She knows karate! She did a flip and kicked a Fire Monkey away from her! It was outstanding! Where did she learn that?"

Chris laughed- he hadn't seen Heironymous excited before. "The real Emma and her dad take karate together. It's probably a safe assumption that the Princess Emma has a similar story."

Heironymous nodded. "Well, she was really something." Then, scowling slightly, he added, "Even if she did make me skip."

Chris tilted his head side-to-side a little, and said, "Well, that was probably more the magic of Oz, but it didn't kill ya."

"Hm," chuckled the agent. "True: It didn't." Smiling a little, he asked, "Will we meet again?"

"Spoilers!" Chris scoffed. "You're lucky I told you about marrying the monkey!"

Heironymous threw his hands up in surrender. "Fine, fine." Standing up to go, he reached across the desk and shook Chris' hand. "Thanks for getting me this far. I look forward to what's next."

"That's all I can ask," Chris said with a nod. As Heironymous reached the door, the writer added, "And hey! Happy Valentine's Day."

Heironymous looked back at him for a moment, smirked, and just nodded before exiting. Chris sat back down as the door clicked shut, and thought for a minute. "Well, how 'bout that?" he finally said to himself. "I hope he feels the same next time he comes in." Looking back to the Planet of Wrestling page on Facebook, he snickered, and said, "I still can't believe he was a circus strongman. I wonder if that's how he met Lincoln? Hm," he mused, and then fell silent as he opened up a new document.

Story and original characters owned by Chris Bishop, copyright 2022.

The Hole in the 4th Wall Bar #6: Heironymous and the Wife, Part 2

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The Hole in the 4th Wall Bar #6: Heironymous and the Wife, Part 2

The Origins Behind the Origins (or how some of these characters got their names):

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