Many of us avid reads have fond FOND memories of the 80s and 90s. In films, Arnie was blowing something up and then saying something profound like, "See you later, Alligator." On television, the Dan Cortese was back flipping over things. People started dropping letters off of words that began with vowels. Chester Cheetah was murdering innocent children for their Air Jordan's. This was normal... to me. Comics quickly followed suit, especially in the cover department. I haven't done this in a while (The 5) because there was something gnawing at the base of my spine telling me that I can't do another one until I discuss the most important comic cover theme: X-tremism. I will go over 5 wonderfully X-treme comic covers. Enjoy... That's a demand.
What's X-Treme:
First we have Aquaman, which is pretty X-treme on his own. Take a closer look. He's a super-hero who's costume is all ripped up, obviously because he's been laying the smackdown on some low life scum. X-TREME! Rad... Next, he's fighting his arch-nemesis Black Manta and trying to drown him. Also X-Treme! He also has BIG BOLD LETTERING declaring he's going to kill Black Manta. Pre-meditated murder! X-Treme!
What's Totally Not X-Treme:
Look at that dude's face. He's totally crying! Big baby! You're man enough to be a hero and kick some butt, but you can't do it without laying down a few tears? NOT X-TREME!
Final Verdict:
This cover is pretty tubular, but the whole crying thing is totally not rad.
Score: Drinking Mountain Dew on the couch.
Duh! Adam-X the Xtreme is on the cover! That's two "X"s in his name. Not only that, but he's in a X-Force book. Three "X"s? You're blowing my mind! He's also got on a backwards baseball hat, goatee, and long hair! He's like Axl Rose in that one music video! X-Treme! He's got blades everywhere! And the one in his hand, covered in blood (awesome), looks like he took from Shatterstar, who Adam-X totally beat up! X-Treme! "Things have never been deadlier!" Totally true!
What's Totally Not X-Treme:
I actually own this book, and I bought it because of the cover. That's what I get for being 12 years old.
Final Verdict:
This is quite possibly one of the most X-Treme covers ever. All it needs is another X on the cover.
Score: Back-flip into the swimming pool.
Villain on the cover has a gun made out of his hand, and he's deformed. Gross.... But gross equals X-Treme! Fighting ni the rain is always X-Treme. The title of the story arc is "Humanity's Fathom." I have no clue what that means, but it sounds smart... X-Treme! Wait... Does Daredevil have body armor on? Oh man..... dude.... Most excellent and X-Treme. Plus it's black. And we all know black costumes are X-Treme.
What's Totally Not X-Treme:
Daredevil is out in the open and the bad guy is hiding? What is this? Role reversal day? Opposite day? Not cool...
Final Verdict:
You'd think Daredevil out in the open like that would lower the score, but it totally doesn't. Why? Because he's stalking, in the rain! The rain makes all the difference.
Score: Eating Doritos while Skydiving.
I know what you're thinking, "Why is this here? This isn't X-Treme!" You'd be wrong. This comic invented X-Treme! This is the godfather of X-Treme. Dean Martin is totally not drinking alcohol on the cover of this book. X-Treme! And because of this, he's totally scoring with two fine ladies. Also X-Treme! Now take a look at Jerry Lewis. He has his head in the mouth of a very confused alligator. X-Treme! And he thinks it's some sort of bag! AWESOME! Lastly, Jerry Lewis just escaped from prison! You can only get an outfit like that if you do hard time!
What's Totally Not X-Treme:
The fact I had to tell you how X-Treme this is totally lowers the score.
Final Verdict:
Your grandpappy may have been influenced to cut a rug to some big band music because of this book, but it won't affect you that way.
Score: Kissing a woman at a rave... AND drinking Mountain Dew.
Easy question, easier answer. First, the dude is TOTALLY punching the crap out of the title of the book. Take that corporations! X-Treme! This guy has muscles on top of more muscles on top of more muscles. X-Treme! He's got body armor on, which discussed earlier with Daredevil. X-Treme! He's got a skull painted on his blackish-blue armor to scare everyone away because he's so cool. X-Treme! Dude... It's called X-Treme X-Men... DOUBLE X-TREME!
What's Totally Not X-Treme:
Barcodes. Pffft.
Final Verdict:
I dare you to find a more X-Treme cover. I really do. If you can, I'll internet high-five you.
Score: Winning Silver at the X Games and being sponsored by Slim Jim.
Honorable Mention: Every Wolverine Cover Ever
Yes, I have lost it.
Log in to comment