"Accounts Overdrawn -- Checks Returned for Lack of Funding" - Starring the Pulverizer
The Pulverizer is on a mission to find the source of America's kids turning into moral-less animals.
"Bower Brats Meet Clunk and Dagnabbit"
The Bower Brats meet an odd spaceship that gives them powers and costumes, just in time for an alien attack! But more pressing matters must be attended to when the world's chocolate chip cookies go missing. Clunk and Dagnabbit join the fray as the two teams try to solve the cookie crisis.
"When Titans Clash" - Starring everybody
The X-Persons and New Pubescents are called on to stop a mind-swiped Offengers team. Then they must stop everyone else.
"Secret War III" - Starring the Watchman
The Watchman is tired of boring fights. He instigates a third Secret War. It does not go well. Note
: Unknown if it is a gag (like all the advertisements) but the last letter in the mail column has a secret message embedded in it.
It reads: "Being held captive by mad scientist please help."