The Angry Comic Book Critic Rises
By The Angry Comic Book Critic
Well ladies and gentlemen here it is my 50th review Spectacular and today I'm going to review something very special the very 1st comic I ever bought and that my friends is Amazing Spider-man #509. Now I realize this comic has taken a lot of criticism over the years and I can easliy see why because of how badly it jumps the shark for the character of Gwen Stacy but honestly for me it didn't matter because I new nothing about the prior continuity of the series so it didn't bother me and I was judging the comic solely on the merit of the issue itself nothing more nothing less. I can't help but wonder if I started with the Final issue of Spider-man One More Day that I might of actually have like-Ha Ha Ha!!!! I'm sorry I could not say that with a straight face I still would have thought that issue was pure Horse shit! "Hey you can't call my masterpiece that!" Who the hell was that? "It is I Joe Quesada!" You! Oh I've been waiting for this for a long time it's time you pay for your Sins...Past....Say how did you get into my house? "You left the door unlocked" Oh okay excuse me a moment....Okay door's locked now where were we ah yes...What the hell are you doing here anyways? "I'm here to take revenge on you critic for telling me nearly all my decisions were crap I'm sick of punks like you thinking you know what's best for classic heroes you've read about for years with decades of continuity to back you up as well as established character traits set by the best writers in the biz when you know nothing of my master plan." Then why don't I just take a seat while you enlighten me something tells me it's going to take a while. "VERY WELL!!!! My Master plan is do whatever it takes to sully the name of Marvel comic characters in the name of profits..." Wait wait wait wouldn't you loose readers by making the books crappy? "Normally yes but DC Comics have paid me a really big bribe to screw over marvel!" How much are we talking here? "Richer than both Iron man and Batman combined" so you'd have.... "That's right a shiny new penny!" Wait what? But that makes no...Oh fuck it I'm just going to kick your ass. "You really think you can best a Sith Lord?!".......Okay I don't know what the fuck your on so....I'm just going to continue on with me review.
Alright lets begin while Quesada entertains him self by....pretending to perform what I can only guess is force lighting on me....He needs some serious help....Okay I just want to say out of all the artwork I've seen in my years of reading Amazing Spider-man Comics Mike Deodato Jr. has too be my 2nd favorite artist for the series only being bested John Romita Sr. during the Silver age. In this Deodato Jr. does a great job showing detailed muscles on the characters which is evident by the cover of this comic ...."POWER UNLIMITED POWER!!!" SHUT UP QUESADA I'M TRYING TO REVIEW A COMIC HERE!!!! Alright next up let's take a look at the story now it's been a while since I've read this issue so I'm going to refer to the issue itself as I'm doing this...So are story starts off with Mary Jane auditioning for a part in a upcoming Broadway production and while in the middle of the performance she is told to stop acting but somehow it wasn't the bad sense alright stupid but that's more of nit pick for me then anything. Okay so the guy tells MJ she can't act the part she has to be the part...Kinda stupid considering the whole point of being an actor is to you know act! So after those 1st couple of pointless pages we go to the Parker house where Aunt May finds a letter from Gwen Stacy (Insert Dramatic Music here) and has an oh so shocked look on her face...Say maybe this will give her that fatal heart attack and finish the old bat off once and for all...."AUNT MAY WILL NEVER DIE SHE'S PETER'S ROCK!!!"....THANK YOU QUESADA NOW SHUT UP!!!!
So Peter reads the letter from Gwen and she tells him she is very sorry for something she did as to what it is we don't find out till an issue or two later where it is revealed that she slept with Norman Osborn and had Twins by him.....Didn't anyone else just cringe at the thought of Gwen and Norman having sex? No? Okay moving on so peter goes to visit Gwen's grave and is attacked by a man and a woman decked out like Ninja mixed with a bit of Black Ops Soldiers where they taunt him about his failure to save Gwen and how they hate him for not knowing who they are. Peter Barely escapes with his life by jumping on to an oncoming truck which reveals to his attackers that he is Spider-man and they respond to this by saying it gives them one more reason to kill them. The issue is ended on this cliff hanger we don't really know who these people are or there true motivations for doing this and it gave me my first taste of the comic genre and honestly it was really good for a first time read now looking back on it I've noticed more of the flaws of the story but overall it was well written and gave a 1st time reader of the series a lot of background on the series at large with flashbacks to one of the most iconic stories in the history of the series the death of Gwen Stacy. I'm the Ang-OWWW HEY OWW CUT THE CRAP QUESADA!!! Hit me with that toy light saber one more time and I'll-OWW.....
I'm The Angry Comic Book Critic now if you'll excuse me I'm going to take this Baseball bat here and remember the words of very racist and anti-Semitic actor Mel Gibson and those words are "Swing Away." WHAM!!!!!! Wow broke the bat on Quesada's head on the 1st try....Well Thanks for reading folks I hope this review/story was as much fun to read as it was for me to Write well 50 reviews down let's see if I can make it to I don't know maybe 1000 first.
Amazing Spider-man #509
CERTIFIED GOOD FIRST STEP!!!!