How did the Empire Loose?!
By The Angry Comic Book Critic
Oh boy this is it this is the moment when Lucas started to get lazy and it shows,oh god does it show.Now don't get me wrong this was a great end to a great trilogy but it kind of make you scratch your head and say what that's it? That's all you got?Because really there are some mighty leaps in logic in this film the most paramount of all being HOW THE FUCK DID THE EWOKS BEAT A PLATOON OF IMPERIAL FUCKING STORMTROOPER?!?! And don't anyone say oh it's because some rebels backed them up because lets weigh the differences in strength here starting with the most basic. WEAPONS!!! Imperial's Top of the line Blasters,Vehicles and armor and what else?I know it's something major a weapon of some sort that could cause annihilation in the fullest extent of the word what was it again...Oh I know A FUCKING DEATH STAR THAT COULD BLOW ENDOR OFF THE FACE OF EXISTENCE!!! Now what did the Ewoks have again? Oh yeah, Sticks,Rocks and good ol'loin cloth's...yeah that's a really well equipped army...BACK IN THE STONE AGE!!!Now maybe there's more to it then that Perhaps TRAINING played a factor? Ewoks.Forest people hunter and gatherers. Imperial Stormtroopers...TRAINED FROM BIRTH TO BE THE ULTIMATE KILLING MACHINES. What did the Emperor call in the retarded test tube babies on this one or what? I mean what could have went through his mind "Oh this is are single most important operation in the galaxy so instead of sending my best most elite death squads to keep it safe I'm sending in are special needs clones they deserve a shot." did he learn nothing from Episode 4?!?! I'm sorry but that part of the film was absolute bullshit I mean how can Lucas expect us to belive that Imperial Stormtroopers who kicked the living hell out of the Rebellion in the prior films could be beaten by Fucking Teddy Bears?!?!STOP LISTENING TO YOUR KIDS LUCAS CAUSE THEY DON'T KNOW SHIT!!!
Now Another thing I take issue with in this film is the death of the ultimate badass Boba Fett in almost every aspect of the Star Wars universe this guy is made out to be the single greatest bounty hunter in the galaxy and he dies in probably the most pathetic way possible he gets pushed into a hole and eaten by a creature that takes a thousand years to make a bowl movement. Now I don't mean pushed after a long intense fight were neither party benefits I talking a blind Han Solo just bumping into him after a brief fight with luke I guess like father like son cause as we all know Jango Fett got his ass handed to him just as fast...FUCK YOU LUCAS! STOP PULLING OF THESE PRAT FALLS OF DEATH SCENES FOR CHARACTERS THAT ARE SUPPOSED TO BE THE ULTIMATE BADASSES!!! I mean you have talent you've proven it time and again but it's like you have A.D.H.D. you start something like a bolt of lighting and it's amazing but then you just loose interest and want to move on to something else before you even finish what you started.Now there are alot of great aspects to this film amazing performances across the board for all the cast members,Leia in a Bikini,Vader unmasked,Breath taking space battles, and one hell of speederchase through the forest and fan-friggin-tastic special effects.But this to me is 4rd on the list for a bad Star wars film 1st being the Holiday Special...god I still have nightmares about that shit.Now I still like this film and it's a good ending to the series just not as good as 4 and 5 four and five being the best of the series. Now what other things can I bring up for this oh yeah how could I forget Leia is Luke's sister...really they just had to throw that in there I mean come on you already had them making out in part four what made you think suggesting the idea of incest between Luke and Leia would be a good plot twist that's like saying at the last moment in Scarface that Tony Montana was gay as well as working for the DEA...just retarded.
Now one thing I really loved in this film was the Rancor fight that to me was just awesome and if that did qualify Luke as a Jedi Knight I don't know what does I mean come Yoda taking down a giant monster with only a skull and the clothes on his back and he still has to kill his dad wow...Yoda's a bum hole. Darth Vader smoking the Emperor tossing his crusty old ass into the reactor while being electrocuted that was hardcore on his part and a great moment in this film.Now another great part of this film that was excellently done Yoda's death that really hit a chord and was a genuinely well done scene in this film as well as the final fight between Luke and Vader it was epic filled with emotion and some of the best character development I've seen in my entire film career.Now one thing I really disliked was Luke's lack of anger towards Obi wan for not telling him the truth I'd would have been pissed as holy if I was him because what would have happened if Obi-wan killed Vader back in Episode four then said "Oh by the way I just carved up your dad like a thanksgiving turkey...My bad.".
I'm The Angry Comic Book Critic and this Bad Boy gets the Stamp of approval
Star Wars Return of The Jedi
CERTIFIED DAMN GOOD!!!!