By wildvine 1 Comments
(Sorry for the delay. This was supposed to go up yesterday, so I'm yet another day behind. Oi.)
Keeping the Christmas
train sleigh rolling right along we have a couple odd little entries from GR2Blackout, an author that, like TheCannon, used to be very active in the forum. Unlike TheCannon, who wrote more action-y stories, GR2Blackout had more of a flair for the silly and absurd. Case in point The Rising of Santa Hamster #1 & 2
Now if your first question is "Why?" or a less articulated "Huh?" allow me to stop you now. I don't know what inspired/possessed GR2 to come up with this bizarre concept. I chalk it up to artistic madness. So. sorry. Not a lot of backstory this time. And the chapters are super short, hence I am tackling 2 at once.
Ch 1 is mostly universe set up, so I would forgive the shortness of it, except it doesn't introduce a lot. We see Santa Hamster in a training session with Rudolph against a (Swarm? Flock?) of something called "Hellicats" that were created by Jack Frost. Okay, that tells us Jack is the baddie and he made some creatures somehow to attack the North Pole. I'm down with that. The problem is we have no idea what a hellicat is, or what they look like, or what Jack's motives are. All we really know is Santa Hamster is basically a ninja with some weaponized candy canes.
Then we cut to Santa talking to Nature, or I assume the personae of nature. Again, no description is given. And apparently Santa is strapped for candy canes? Which are also money I guess (...what?...) And he works for Nature, cause.... okay. But then the dramatic reveal that there will be no Christmas this year. I bet the Red Skull had known that ahead of time. Could have saved himself some effort.
Alright, not the most compelling, but I'm sure things make more sense in chapter 2.
Nope. In ch 2 the problem of no Christmas is resolved by having Santa Hamster fill in for Santa. And here I thought the issue was money, er, candy canes. Its not shown how Rudolph got the news about Christmas, or why Santa couldn't deliver the gifts, or why Santa Hamster's killing ability qualified him as a stand-in. And now Santa Hamster has a cross species translator, but only uses it part of the story...
And we end this chapter with more killing of hellicats and their blood raining down, making it a red Christmas.
The saga of Santa Hamster is far from over, but I'm going to break it up as I can only process so much at a time.
As a writer, and fan of absurdities I want to like this. The idea of Santa's stand in not only being a hamster, but a ninja killing machine at that has a ton of comedic potential. Unfortunately the frantic nature of the narrative doesn't allow for any feel of coherent storytelling, and leaves plot holes big enough to bury a reindeer in. The dialogue is humorous, but not enough to save it like in the last story.
I give these chapters 2 presents & 3 lumps of coal
For more GR2 weirdness go to GR2Blackout page
I was at a bit of a loss for stories about anthropomorphic animales, so just enjoy this by Cbishop The Rise of the House of Toucan
And if you enjoyed the messiness of this story, then come back tomorrow for more Christmas 'Blood'