Warboss Skumgut Bloodstompa's guide to a successful WAAAGH!
- Send Ork Boyz
- Send more Boyz
- Send Kans
- Send Boyz an' Kans
- Send more Boyz an' Kans
- Dhey still dhere? Send some Squiggoths, Kans, an' Gunwagons
- Don't forget da Boyz
- Iffen dhey still dhere, send sum Stompas
- Stomp 'em
- Stomp 'em sum more
- Send more Boyz, Kans, Guns, Dakka, Stompas, all o' dat stuff
- Iffen dhey still dhere, send sum Gargants
- Did ya forget da Boyz? Nevuh forget to send Boyz
- Iffen dhey still dhere, send da Great Gargants
- Dhen send in all da Boyz, Kans, Dakka, Stompas, an' more Boyz after ya sent 'em all in
- Never forget da Boyz
- Iffen dhey still dhere, yer doin' it wrong
Zarkit - Bloodstompa's smartest Big Mek and mechanic
Kragbrain - Bloodstompa's best Weirdboy and psyker
Stabbits - Bloodstompa's personal Painboy and medic
Boogy - Bloodstompa's sneakiest Kommando and assassin
Mokrog - Bloodstompa's biggest Nob and second-in-command
Skub - just a Boy from Bloodstompa's WAAAGH!
Stinky - Bloodstompa's favorite pet Attack Squig
Gork and Mork are the two patron gods of the Ork race. While Gork is cunningly brutal, Mork is brutally cunning. Or is it the other way around? No Ork knows for certain, but it doesn't really matter. The upshot is that one hits you really hard when you're looking and when you aren't, the other hits you just as hard.
Orks are thought to have been created by an ancient race as a form of bodyguard. Since Orks don't keep a written language, it's impossible to tell. Some Weirdboyz have visions of their distant past, and call these creators "Brainboyz". It seems that the Brainboyz were weak and frail, but extremely intelligent - hence their name (at least in Orky dialect). These Brainboyz made the Orks to protect them, but were wiped out by some unknown catastrophe before they could make the Orks capable of obeying their orders. Therefore, the Orks became extremely proficient in killing and were aggressive towards everything they encountered, believing only in the concept of "might makes right".
Some believe that the Brainboyz became the diminutive Snotlings, a shadow of their former selves but also preserved in a way by the Ork war machine they created.
Orks reproduce asexually through spores released naturally from their bodies or exponentially upon death. When one Ork dies, all the spores in his body are released into the air, meaning that an Ork infestation is not far behind. Within weeks, the spores reach deep underground and make the slave sub-race Snotlings first to labor out a functional Ork hidey-hole. Squigs emerge next, being the main food supply for the Orks while some more developed Squigs (basically big gaping mouths on legs) act as pets. When the first Orks emerge, they are typically allowed to become larger than the Boyz that come afterwards, therefore the Nob class and the eventual Warboss are created in tandem. The Oddboyz - Orks with predetermined knowledge of technology (Meks), psychic powers (Weirdboyz), and medical know-how (Painboyz) - are spawned next so that their expanded Ork brains (as far as Ork brains can be expanded) are able to acclimate to their new surroundings. Then, the Boyz come out and the real infestation starts.
Ork biology is strangely more vegetative than animalistic. A very simplified and robust body structure allows them to survive wounds that would otherwise kill a normal human. Confirmed reports detail Orks surviving decapitations and having their heads reattached after being declared clinically dead. Thick, spongy flesh absorbs attacks, meaning things like bullets are merely a nuisance at lower calibers. Things like chainswords and plasma bolts are almost required to truly put down an Ork, while fire is particularly effective. Though, Orks themselves seem to have picked up on this concept and regularly have Burna Boyz to spew hot napalm at the git who started the flamethrower war in the first place (if they didn't already start it themselves).
The natural lifespan of a single Ork seems to be indefinite unless they are physically killed. Something of note is that Orks actually grow with age, becoming stronger and more imposing as time goes on, meaning that Nobs and Warbosses are some of the oldest and strongest of their ilk. If these specimens are not actually killed, they could possibly grow to truly gigantic size. However, considering their warlike natures, Orks are more likely to die in battle than to reach anything so colossal.
As of right now, Bloodstompa is almost thirteen feet tall (fifteen if he didn't hunch over all the time) and weighs "lots".