By Vai 4 Comments
I've always felt different, probably because I am, wildly, different. I'm not a meta-human, that all encompassing word for things that are basically just different shades of human, like some alien from a Star Trek episode. I may prance around like one but it's just an act. I'm very much my mother's race, oh sure there's some human DNA tossed in, but it's a bit like tossing croutons into a salad. There, maybe even noticeable but definitely not the main flavor.
There are a lot of beings running around with long life spans and some of them will understand what I'm about to explain, but not a lot of them. Most of them are just people with longer life spans, they live longer, but they haven't necessarily experienced it all in linear fashion, or even experienced it all yet, they may just be starting out. Some of us though, like me, like my mother, it's ingrained in our DNA, its part of our instinctive behavior, our perception of love, loss and life as intelligent creatures.
Humans complain that my mother doesn't always seem to make sense, that she makes decisions that don't necessarily translate. That's because humans are the opposite, ingrained DNA that makes them think short term, a couple of years maybe. They fall in love fast, they fall out of love fast, they die fast and yet, ironically, they build social constructs that make everything they do in regards to other people take longer.
We on the other hand...sure we take in account the now, but a lot of what we're doing, especially my mother, is with the future in mind. She's not thinking about the next six months or year, she's think about a decade, two decades, a century, three centuries ahead. Some of the moves she makes now...take for example building a loose coalition of like minded individuals. It's not about the individuals, it's about the infrastructure, it's about having good relationships with their children and their children's children.
I'm the same way. I may seem flippant, I may play the part of the spoiled rich daughter, but I don't care about the money, or the apartments, I have ten thousand years to get poor and get rich and get poor again. What I care about is my mother. She pours her energy into making things better, into setting things up for down the road...but she tries to ignore her own past and her own present in so many ways. What she needs...what she needs is someone to help her move on. All I can do is watch, I can't be that person, I can be her daughter, but I can't be her lover.
I can catch her when she falls, and she does, almost always behind closed doors but I've been through long nights with her when the PTSD is just too much. My people live long and remember long...and we feel deeply. She fought for her entire previous life span, she saw so many people she loved and cared for die. What she has left is pain. It takes us centuries to fall in love, imagine how much longer it takes to get over losing someone. Here I am, helpless while she struggles with something I can never touch. I'll never leave her side though, it's why I came back, because she needed someone, anyone, even if it's a daughter who can't erase all the bad. At least I can give her an anchor, at least I can catch her when she falls because she thinks no one is looking.