TheCannon Reviews: Impact Wrestling 5/29/15

Hey there guys and girls. I’m TheCannon, brining you a review for TNA’s Impact Wrestling 5/29/15. Sorry for not reviewing last week’s show, but I couldn’t figure out a way to review the Impact airing outside the US, and I didn’t see a point in reviewing an 11 month old PPV. But tonight is the “May Mayhem” themed Impact, because TNA hasn’t had enough themed Impacts the past few months. How would they do after a week off in America? Let’s start the review and find out.

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Show opens with Eric Young driving into the arena (with a cameraman in his car for some reason) and talking about how after weeks he finally gets Kurt Angle tonight and will make him quit. He then sees Kurt standing in the parking lot and starts talking about how stupid Kurt is for waiting for him. He then gets out and they start brawling until security pulls them apart and Young yells that he’s gonna break his neck. Shouldn’t be too hard in Angle’s current state; all he has to do is slap him hard enough.

Match #1 - Steel Cage match for TNA Knockouts Championship: Taryn Terrell (c) w/Jade & Marti Belle vs. Gail Kim

Al Snow is back on commentary with Josh Matthews. My reaction:

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There’s an actual Dollhouse on the entrance ramp during the Dollhouse’s entrance for some reason.

Match was... not good. But it’s a Taryn Terrell match, so what do you expect at this point? Dollhouse tried interfering but were unsuccessful. This match was just so unmemorable that it ended 3 minutes ago and I only remember one thing from the match (Gail slamming Taryn into the cage once) and nothing else. Why are they pushing Taryn so much? I know she’s attractive, but that’s no reason she should be pushed.

Winner and STILL TNA Knockouts Champion: Taryn Terrell

After the match the other Dollhouse members get in the ring and they knock the ref down. Then as they start posing Awesome Kong’s music hits (cause that was surprising) and she comes out, but can’t get through the door with the chain lock. After cowering in fear (right by the door for some reason) they then begin ignoring Kong and beating on Gail. Al Snow says that they’re trying to break Gail’s “Wedding finger”. I don’t feel I need to explain what’s wrong with that. They continue beating on her until they start posing, and I’m left wondering how they get out of the ring without Kong getting to them and beating the sh*t out of them.

Video replay of everything that’s happened with James Storm, Magnus, & Mickie James lately. Makes me realize how good a Storm/Magnus feud could have been had Mickie not been involved.

Mickie herself then comes out and reminds us that she promised to have one last match and she can’t wait for it. Mickie then says that’s not what she’s hearing to talk about today (then why bring it up?) and says she’s here to talk about relationships. She then says nonsense about Magnus being her fiance, the love of her life, his best friend, and the father of her child until James Storm comes out. Mickie begins apologizing for what happened between him & Magnus with the guitar, and Storm says that she doesn’t owe him an apology and how he won’t get one from Magnus and that’s fine. They then go into random stuff about everything and James says Magnus is jealous of their friendship and some nonsense that’s really boring. Why are they even having this conversation in the middle of the ring? James makes a comment to the gladiator helmet he got Magnus and Mickie says it wasn’t funny and James says it was, and you can hear a little “That was funny” chant in the background. It was hilarious and probably the highlight of this feud. Storm then says something about how he got Mickie a meeting and names some people and it’s basically musicians to help Mickie out with her music career, and as James walks away Mickie says she’ll see him in Nashville. Not a great segment. Storm is talented enough that he’s holding this storyline together & keeping it interested, but even he’s barely doing it. And if Mickie is so good at her music; then why does Storm need to set this stuff up for her?

Backstage Kenny King is asked about his mindset for the gauntlet match tonight, and Kenny says that he’s always been a champion or something like that and not to ask him questions; saying the only reason he took the match is because he has the champion’s right of being the final entrant. He then says he’ll let all the “vanilla midgets” wear themselves out with flips until “chocolate thunder” comes in, then he hypes up using the X-Division title to cash in Option C (X-Division champion trading the title for a shot at the world title at Destination X). All I got from this was Kenny using the term “vanilla midgets”, and it sounded a bit racist when he said it. Not sure if they were going for that for if it was an accident, but it wouldn’t surprise me if they were going for it after that MVP promo from the almost-live Impact from May 8.

Match #2 - Gauntlet match for TNA X-Division Championship

Rules are that 8 men come out after periods of time and you’re eliminated by being thrown over the top rope with your feet touching the floor. When we get down to the final 2 guys, it becomes a singles match won by pinfall or submission. In other words, it’s not a real gauntlet at all, and I have no idea why TNA calls stuff like this a gauntlet.

List of entrants (in order of entrance) include:

  • Manik
  • Rockstar Spud
  • DJ Z
  • Mark Andrews
  • Argos....
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He’s apparently some wrestler from AAA. What he’s done to earn an X-Division title shot is a mystery.

Next entrants:

  • Crazzy Steve
  • Tigre Uno
  • Kenny King

The order of elimination (and who eliminated them):

  • Mark Andrews (by Manik)
  • Tigre Uno (by Manik)
  • Crazy Steve (by Kenny King)
  • Argos (by Kenny King)
  • DJ Z (by Kenny King)
  • Manik (by Kenny King)

LOL at Tigre Uno. He entered during a commercial and was eliminated instantly once we came back from commercial. I like Tigre, but I just find it funny how much he’s treated as a jobber.

Manik came so close and I was routing for him so much, but unfortunately was eliminated. I like what they show from Manik though, as he tried teaming with Kenny to team up on Spud. It makes sense, and he did this a few months ago in an Ultimate X match where he teamed with Sanada against the BroMans & The Wolves.

Final two guys are Spud & Kenny King, and Snow says it’s like a re-match between the champ & the former champ. Is it really a re-match when they’ve never faced in a one-on-one match before? They won’t shut up about how he’s been there since the beginning, leading to it being way too predictable when he wins. TNA needs to learn how to be more subtle.

I kinda like Spud (even if I preferred him as a heel), but I really don’t want to see him with the title anymore. And what the hell was the point of giving Kenny the title if he was just gonna randomly lose it a few weeks later? Ugh. Poor Manik.

Winner and NEW TNA X-Division Champion: Rockstar Spud

Match #3 - Clean Faces (Austin Aries & Bobby Roode) vs. The Wolves (Davey Richards & Eddie Edwards)

I really don’t like them combining Roode’s music with Aries’s music for their entrance, and I don’t like Aries not wearing his cape.

Aries gets the mic and says that the Wolves stole a victory last match, so tells them to get out there so they can “wrassle”. Wolves come out and Aries does a dive on them when they’re outside the ring.

This was just fantastic match and by far match of the night. I liked their last match lot, but I thought this was better. Wolves get the win surprisingly, making it 2-0 in the series. One more with and they win the series and tag titles. It kinda becomes obvious now who’s gonna win the next two matches, but I’m alright. But this was a great match, certainly worth watching even if you skip the rest of the show. I was a bit worried about the next matches in the series getting boring, but it doesn’t look like we’ll have that issue any time soon.

Winners via pinfall: The Wolves

Backstage Angelina Love is backstage and is asked something about Velvet and how she shouldn’t be here since she’s fired but she’ll deal with it. Ugh.

Backstage scene where Kenny King is trying to call MVP and seems angry. Kinda pointless.

Angelina Love comes out and Velvet is sitting in the crowd in the front row. She says a bunch of annoying sh*t about how Velvet was fired and is where she belongs. She then brings out Angelina Love Security (stealing the idea from the Main Event Mafia & Mick Foley) and says that they’ll escort Velvet out if she lays a hand on her. Angelina gets in her faces and says more sh*t to tease her, and as she walks away Velvet jumps the rail and attacks her, and then takes out her security.

Seriously, what was that and why does this need to happen? Why did they even bring Velvet back, and why is she somehow worse-looking now than she was before? This is all time that could have been spent on.. anything else.

Mr. Buzz Killington (or Anderson as some call him) is backstage and says that since Day 1 it’s been Mr. Anderson vs. Ethan Carter III w/Tyrus. Then says something about how EC3 won’t have Tyrus’s help now since he has a cage built to keep Tryrus in. What authority does Anderson have to add this stipulation anyway?

Match #4 - Ethan Carter III vs. Mr. Anderson

EC3 gets on the mic and says “Despite all his rage, Tyrus will not be a rat in the cage.” I was told it was a Billy Corgan/Smashing Pumpkins reference, but I’m not familiar with it so I’ll have to take his word for it. Pretty cool to me. I think that the cage Anderson has for Tyrus is an old King of the Mountain cage that they took the words off of. Kinda lazy, but I don’t see what other use they’d have for them at this point.

The opening few minutes were really distracting, as it was more just random brawling with Anderson trying to lock Tyrus in the cage, and is eventually successful after way too long. EC3 & Tyrus should have tried locking Anderson in the cage so EC3 would win by countout.

Match was okay. Not great, but better than I thought it’d be. EC3 wins clean after hitting the One Percenter. Glad to see this, and hopefully EC3 can move on to bigger & better things. Next world champ please! #EC3forCHAMP

Winner via pinfall: Ethan Carter III

After the match Anderson offers to shake his hand, but EC3 just slaps his hand and walks away.

Backstage where Rockstar Spud talks about becoming a two-time X-Division Champion and how he proved his win back in the UK wasn’t a fluke as he was able to beat Kenny King. But his title win was against Low Ki when he cashed in his case, and now he beat Low Ki. How does beating Kenny King prove his win against Low Ki wasn’t a fluke? It was a fluke with how it was done no matter what, but his logic made no sense. He then talks about being regarded among great X-Division Champions in history like AJ Styles, Samoa Joe, Austin Aries, Christopher Daniels, & Jerry Lynn... kinda sad if you think about it. He’s then asked about Option C, and says he hasn’t thought about that. When is Destination X? Usually it & Option C isn’t until July, but they’re talking about it like it’s in a few weeks. A date would be nice.

Match #5 - I Quit match for TNA World Heavyweight Championship: Kurt Angle (c) vs. Eric Young

Rules to an I quit match are that anything is legal, and you win the match by making your opponent say “I quit”. It can be a pretty good match when done right.

This was an okay match. Not much memorable or noteworthy honestly. It felt a lot like their previous matches, just with the ref asking them if they quit or not. I liked one move where Young tapped out to the Ankle Lock, but since he didn’t say “I Quit” it didn’t end then. Finish comes when Angle locks in the Ankle Lock and Eric says he quits. Again: okay match, but not much memorable or noteworthy. I hope this officially ends the feud now, but knowing TNA it’ll likely continue into Bound for Glory.

Winner via ??? (not sure what to say) and STILL TNA World Heavyweight Champion: Kurt Angle

Overall Impressions:

Pretty good episode of Impact to me. That tag match was great, the gauntlet was fun, Angle/Young & EC3/Anderson were both okay, and it leaves me with interest for the future. I’ve certainly seen better episodes, but I found this enjoyable. Really not much to say beyond that. If you watch nothing else from this show, you have to check out the Wolves/Clean Faces match.

Before ending this review, I just want to remind everyone that next week Impact will no longer be on Friday and will be moving Wednesday. So make sure to watch it June 3 and every Wednesday now. Also, June 3 will also be the day that Ring of Honor (ROH) premiers on Destination America, airing an hour before Impact. I will be watching that, and also plan on reviewing it. It’s gonna be tough with that & Impact right next to each other, but expect to see a ROH review in addition to the normal Impact review. Just wanted to let everyone know what to expect from me, and to remind everyone that Impact is now on Wednesday.

Anyway, that’s it for the review and I hope you enjoyed it. I’m TheCannon, and I will see you guys and girls later.