OK, I have to ask. Where is my Wal-Mart? If your city is like mine you have Wal-Marts all over the place. Each one seems to have it's own click.

We have the south west store that tends to draw rednecks and white trash. This is really the only one that I will not go to, do to the fact I just really hate redneck white trash. Also my car is too low to see around and over all their 4x4 trucks.

There is the north east one where the brothers shop. In truth I feel the most at home here, until some woman drags her 10 kids in yelling "bitch this and bitch that". Everyone plays cool here cause they all know 70% of the people in there are packin heat.

East and northwest Wal-Marts are the "fancy" ones. These make me laugh because the rich people shop here, but they don't want anyone to know their in a Wal-Mart. They are also the ones who fight every new Wal-Mart building plan, because they don't want to see one in their neighborhood. But it's fine to put them down where the "poor folk" live.

Last but not least is my favorite, the midtown Wal-Mart. This place is a zoo. It's like shopping in a third world market place. The only thing missing is goats humping in the aisles. There are people from all over the world here and not one of them speak English. The parking lot is like rush hour in Bangladesh, minus a few cows. Little tip for any immigration officers reading this, you could probably pick up a few hundred illegals a day here.

Now before everyone thinks I hate Wal-Mart let me say this. I love them. Where else can you buy dog food, a $5 shirt, fresh baked apple pie, a shotgun, live fishing bait, CDs, and a last minute mothers day card at 2am after the bars close? No where!

But back to my question. Where is my Wal-mart? I want the 30 something, hard rock/goth/punk store with the light turned low for those of us who are light sensitive. Extra wide aisles so I don't have to fight my way past the lady with 10 kids. A music dept. that sells the music I like, and plays it in the store. Parking lots with age limits, no blue haired old ladies wandering around bumping cars with their 1970 Chevy Impala. Check out lanes that are actually open. Why have 30 check out lanes and only have 5 that are ever open???

Well I know that will never happen, so I guess it's back to the human zoo location. No matter how much I say I hate it, it's like a bad car wreck, you just have to look. I mean what fun would there be in life if the idiots were not here to laugh at?

So let me know if you have Wal-Marts like ours or even better ones.