Why "You VS X" battle threads are stupid

A lot of times, when scouring the battle forums, I see people posting threads like "You VS Batman" and things like that (often those threads would involve some characters that are considered weak/incapable, of course, not Batman). Now, these threads, in my opinion, are really dumb. You just can't say you win and expect to be taken seriously. Here's why...

1. You're not really a trained fighter.

No, you're not. Even if you took karate in 8th grade, or took part in your high-school wrestling team, or practice fencing... unless you're Olympic/international level, you're still going to lose to 99% of fictional characters that can be justifiably used in any battle thread. Even the amounts of training you get in the army or law enforcement would literally put you at generic fodder level. Unless you can be objectively considered a professional fighter in a certain school of martial arts, then no, you're not more skilled than Curtis Holt, you're not a better fighter than Rorschach and you're not beating Theon Greyjoy.

2. You don't know how to fight a real enemy.

Let's say that you really are a professional in MMA, or kung fu, or fencing, or whatever. Cool. Have you actually ever fought anyone outside of the dojo, with no rules, a fight to the bitter end where everything goes? This makes a difference, you know. It's different when your opponent isn't restricted by this rule or another.

3. You're not a killer.

Let's say you are a professional fighter, AND that you were involved in some brawls and fights and hospitalized someone, maybe even scared off a mugger or a burglar or something. I doubt you ever killed anyone. And yes, it matters. It matters a lot. There's a reason so many works of fiction make a point about a certain character hesitating before killing an enemy. It's not easy. Unless you personally looked someone in the eye and killed the before, it's not going to come easily for you. You will most probably hesitate.

4. And finally...

Even if you're an international champion of ninjutsu, Muay Thai, aikido and fencing, AND you're a decorated veteran served 10 years in the special forces in Iraq, Afghanistan and Winterfell, AND you have over 300 confirmed kills to your name - more than half of which with your bare hands... who the hell do you think is going to believe you?

So stop with these threads. And if you see these kinds of threads, don't bother to comment on them.

12 Comments