Characters I Suspect I Would Never Want To Get Stuck At A Party Talking To...

You know, you assume that all super heroes are quite articulate and are constantly throwing intelligent quips back and forth instead of having meaningful interactions (thank you, Mr Bendis). But have there ever been characters, no matter how important or popular who you suspect might be actually quite dim and that you wouldn't want to be stuck talking to at a dinner party?

These are those guys...

List items

  • Let's face it, the guy's a lecherous D@#K! He is a complete Himbo and if he tried his 'pleasure inducing' power on me, i'd be calling DATE RAPE before the martini hit the floor.

  • I know "lighten up , dude" is a comment that's probably going to get you shot in the face... continually, but, COME ON!

    Who could resist? Miserable bastard.

  • You know how there are those who love Jim Carrey and there are those who want to tie him to the front of a combine harvester and just drive for a year? Yeah. That's Plastic Man that is.

  • He's boring.

    I don't care how many times he's been there, he IS the negative zone.

    He's duller than dull and if i ever found myself in the middle of a conversation between Richards, Pym and Stark, i would not only kill myself, but i would hijack a time platform (or cosmic treadmill if feasibility was an issue) and go back and kill every one of my descendants for letting me get into that little forum of BORED in the first place.

  • Macho idiot.

    "I'm the best there is at what I..."


    Cry baby.

  • This holds for ALL mutants.

    They're like rich kids complaining about having 'problems'.

    "I can fly and shoot narly blue s@#t from my fingers and am invulnerable and super strong and can never die and hang in close proximity to Emma Frost's rack and Colossus' front pouch everyday... but i'm saaaaaad because humanity doesn't love me!!!!"


  • "Hi."

    "Hi, how are you doing?"

    "I am doing well, child. I am the master of the mystic arts."

    "I beg your pardon?"

    "Do you not see my orb?"

    "No, but i can feel it against my leg."

    "Ah, then you are wise to the ways of magic."

    "No, but i am wise to the ways of calling the police on my mobile."

    Sorcerer Supreme? Sounds like a fancy pizza.

  • P@#S OFF!!!!!

  • You know how he's really cocky? Like, he's a bald guy in a wheelchair (for the most part) but he kind of has that fingers to the temple "i know everything" kind of vibe?

    Wouldn't that give you the s@#ts?

    "Ah, i am Charles Xavier and i can see into your mind, young human."

    "Ah, i am Rollo and i can see the top of the staircase my foot is slowly tipping you toward.

    Thump. Rattle. Crash.

    Homo Sapien wins :)

  • It's your grandad in spandex who found a dustbin lid.

    End of story.

  • Without Blue Beetle = Useless c@#k

  • Has anyone EVER found Hal (not Green Lantern) likeable???

    Did not Ryan Reynolds embody the character more than any actor has embodied a character before by playing him as himself; a smug and egotistical knob who should do the only decent thing possible and put the ring to his temple and imagine a world without Hal?

    Too harsh?

    Sorry, but imagine chatting with him at a party only to have him ignore you while he wills a 'hot tracks' set into being.

    With his will.

    And a ring.

  • Okay, so this one's purely petty (like the rest WEREN'T ;P) but if i was face to face with the pure awesomeness of Tony Stark (Millar's Ultimates or Robert Downey Jr. versions) then i would wish him instantaneous death by some form of Galactus inspired 'coolness death ray' in the vain hope that in the moment of his instantaneous extermination, I would be chosen to be him instead.

    It's a sad dream BUT IT'S ALL I GOTS DAMMIT!!!!

  • I have a hammer.

    I use it every day, five to six days a week to hammer nails into things and pry s@#t from other s@#t whilst getting paid minimum wage.

    Your hammer shoots lightning bolts and knocks goblins to Mars and gets you all the chicks your 'mythology can handle' whilst you proclaim yourself the protector of earth...


    i got a helmet...

    it's on the handlebars of me bmx...

  • Honestly, just because, when done right, he is pure awesomeness.

    He makes me want to be a better man...

  • Because.. he's like... really cool and stuff.... because he can like jump real far and stuff...

    But i like got third place in my high school long jump....

    So i... like... think Dejah Thoris would like... totally want me.. you know...

    If i gained, like thirty pounds... and was attractive...

  • Because, like, you can't see him or nothin'!

  • I caught a raccoon last summer i like to dub 'Rabies Raccoon.'

    Let him loose in the Marvel universe.

    See the 'permanent changes' that makes...

  • He's the spirit of vengeance.

    Salad is served.


    "uh... so?"

    "FACE GOD'S WRATH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

    Fry. Sizzle.

    ~scene from "Why To Never Invite Zealots To Dinner."

  • Comics answer to Carrot Top.