My Favorite Deadpool Quotes

An ever-expanding list of my favorite Deadpool-isms. Yeah, just starting it, but it will hopefully be rife with sarcasm.

List items

  • "Geez...I'm sorry...That must've really hurt. Let me put you out of my misery."

    Author - Fabian Nicieza

  • "Ouch! Quit with the jaw, will you?! Had my mouth wired shut for two months a little while ago... Again with the jaw!"

    Author - Fabian Nicieza

  • "Pardon me, but your face is in my elbow."

    Author - Mark Waid

  • "It's illegal to yell 'fire' in a crowded fight scene."

    "I knew I shouldn'ta taken that left turn at Albuquerque. I tawt I taw a molten vat."

    Author - Mark Waid

  • "Just send me a postcard. Maybe a souvenir. I run extra-large in a "Banshee and Siryn fought Black Tom and all I got was this stupid T-shirt."

    Author - Mark Waid

  • "Banshee -- Siryn -- Hit it! Give me a 'C'! A bouncy 'C'!"

    Author - Mark Waid

  • Deadpool: "Hmmph... Mrrggg... Hmphh..!"

    Dr. Weisman: "Let's take off that gag and his mask and see what he's trying to say."

    Deadpool: "I said: Hmmph... Mrrggg... Hmphh..!"

    Author - Jeph Loeb

  • Arm gets cut off. "Hey--I was using that!"

    Author - Frank Tieri

  • "Quick. Lapham. Let me see the script. I need to play catch-up. I don't care if it's not 'copy edited.' I have a situation here!"

    Author - Dave Lapham

  • To the reader: "Sorry, kids. I'm on the phone with my assistant editor. I'll be with you in a minute... Which, in Marvel Time, could take about seven issues." Back on the phone: "We gotta do this quick, dude. They're here. Yeah, that's the problem! I'm on the cover, but the story is over and I wasn't in it!"

    Author - Marc Sumerak

  • "Famine's dope beats got me again! The rhythm really is gonna get you."

    Author - Rick Remender

  • To mercenaries: "I've seen tougher G.I. Joes than you!...Come to think of it, I've seen tougher Ken dolls than you! An' I mean take your pick here: Mod Hair Ken; Summer Fun Ken; I-Let-Barbie-Whip-Me-'Cos-I'm-a-Wuss-Ken."

    Author - Fabian Nicieza

  • "Well...ummff...I'd kill you again...mmrgghmm...if you'd stop...ooomph...kicking the snot outta me!"

    Author - Fabian Nicieza

  • After shooting two full rounds into the chest of an undead FDR: "Just so everybody knows -- the wheelchair guy started it!"

    Authors - Gerry Duggan and Brian Posehn

  • She-Hulk kicks Dazzler into the ocean and then asks Deadpool where his strong, smart, fun, attractive woman is. He responds: "Well, she was just here a second ago... but the sea has her now."

    Authors - Gerry Duggan and Brian Posehn

  • After undead president Ford stumbles into a helicopter rotor blade: "I really hope the Franklin Mint releases a commemorative plate of that classic Gerry Ford moment."

    Authors - Gerry Duggan and Brian Posehn

  • "I always thought if I jumped off a bridge it would be over a girl and I'd be nude and listening to the Smiths."

    Writers - Gerry Duggan and Brian Posehn

  • "...I'm gonna kick his junk until his butt poops his ghost."

    Writers - Gerry Duggan and Brian Posehn