RUN! It's the Metalocalypse!

ROBOTS. CYBORGS. ANDROIDS. BOOBS.

Wait, scratch the last one.

Anyways...MECHS. Anything made of metal, plastic, toilet paper (whatever) that looks, acts and overall exists like a boss is sheer awesome. So, after such a long time in between lists, I present to you a brand new one detailing only the best of the best that a certain ZombieWolf can provide.

And one more thing....if I catch anybody badmouthing Jaegers I'm going to Hulk-out. I'm serious. I've had enough of the Evangelion crap on Youtube. An enslaved female Nephilim is not the same as a *possibly* female (screw it, let's call them girls. Cars are girls anyways, so why not Mechs?) based fully animatronic mobile suit. For further thoughts, read down below on my views on the EVAs.

Plus how can you not love some Gipsy Danger? "She's" too adorable and badass to be badmouthed. :3

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Now compare to EVA Unit-001...The resemblance is uncanny isn't it? (sarcasm)

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List items

  • Commander Data Soong, an inquisitive and bashful android from the Star Trek universe, only ever wanted one thing...to be human. To feel, and be felt. But after decades of trials and tribulations, he was able to acquire primitive emotion via a DLC chip provided by his father Noonien.

    Sadly, Data eventually died sacrificing himself to save his friends in one of the latter Star Trek: TNG films. Eh, he gets better though. Now his oldest brother B-4's the resident Data of the Enterprise.

    Besides, how can you not love a robot who beats Stephen Hawking in chess and dresses up like a mobster when hiding in a artificial reality setting while playing Sherlock Holmes?

    Note: His brother Lore would also be given a slot, but alas, he doesn't have a section on his own. So he's stuck with a (very) honorable mention.

  • The epitome of Japanese mobile suits, the Gundam series has both created fans and edited reality as thus known. It's because of these mobile suits that the modern definition of a "mech" even exists.

    Plus they got swords. I likey a mech with swords.

  • An entire generation of 90's kids (me included) can all jump up and say they watched and worshiped Mighty Morphin' Power rangers growing up. The modern series', save Dino Thunder, stink.

    Lord Zed, Rita and Mesogog are the only baddies I willingly recognize from the franchise (screw the clockwork empire and that demon freak in Ninja storm :P).

    Plus, Megazords are made up of multiple animal robots. Unlike Voltron, who's made up of giant metal cats.

  • The individual robots who combine to form a single samurai mech called a MegaZord (although later series would Gaga the name up with "super" or "Giga" or "Triassic"). Each has its own personality and can run wild if not bonded to a Power Ranger. So....they're like Voltron's lions, but behave like Zoids. I don't get it either peeps.

  • The one mech I make it a mission in life to avoid. Easily one of the biggest forms of mobile suits ever created (with the exceptions being the fully formed Ultrazord, Mobile Suit Gundams and EVA units), it joins up as fast as a snail in a marathon and combats villains in over the top galactic battles. Sounds like fun, but I got my Megazord, and he has Dragonzord. Top that Voltron Force.

  • The single most iconic Zoid ever conceived, Liger Zero shows how badass you have to be to even be considered as material for re-runs back in the Toonami days (before the war that redesigned the host unit). He can fuse with other Zoids to boost firepower, a device made popular in Zoids: Fuzors.

    Plus it's fun to watch a bunch of nerds try to wash a 50 foot tall cybernetic cat.

  • Now we're going deep into Kaiju country (grabs a nuclear powered stick). MechaGodzilla has had 3 upgrades from his meager beginnings back in the 70's. First a sneaky android who disguises himself in a rubber suit of its biological counterpart, it burns off its costume to reveal near-indestructible armor underneath. It took a Kaiju team-up and Anguirus having his lower jaw ripped out before it was destroyed.

    Mecha-G was later re-built and upgraded by the army to serve as a mobile battle unit. The third enhancement was created through a base of Godzilla bones (from the one that got his tail handed to him in the first Godzilla movie) and was more than a match for the new generation of Godzilla. However, cell memory from its host caused Kiryu (MechaGodzilla 3) to revert back to berserk-er mode, helping to further damage Japan. He eventually swam off into the deep, possibly to live out an eternity as a radioactive beast trapped in a metal shell.

  • Why oh why is Ghidorah here? Well, for one reason only: Mecha-King Ghidorah. 3 headed squeaker beast was re-animated following Destroy All Monsters and re-built as a mobile unit similar to Kiryu later on. While he wasn't as successful as previously thought, he still makes for a badass character to play as in the Godzilla games for the WII and Playstation 2.

  • My personal favorite alien Kaiju (tied in with Ghidorah actually), Gigan doesn't need hands to butcher his victims to high Hell. He is also credited as being the first big monster to make a Godzilla physically bleed, an achievement very, very, very few Kaiju have managed to achieve throughout the franchise's history.

    He eventually was upgraded in Final Wars to a black body color, red wings and chainsaw arms. Whether or not he had Cyclops' eyes grafted onto his own is still a matter of debate.

  • Phew, we made it out of Kaiju Country. And with only our pants burned off and our souls scarred by a half century of bad dubbing and horribly cheesy plot-lines.

    Now I bring in the Mechs-In-Name-Only. The EVA units from Evangelion. Very often called a Mecha, they are anything but. An EVA is a clone of a fallen Angel named Adam ,which is then surgically altered to have a section of spine removed in order to have a human operate its cerebellum from behind. The EVAs are then run on batteries, are left wide eyed open when frozen from over-use of power and then have souls artificially grafted into them via a method called Instrumentality, a device that is later used as an excuse to bind the EVAs and their pilots closer to each other to prevent the units from rejecting their commands. I won't say its killing the pilots' mothers...but it's killing the pilots' mothers.

    The EVAs are then attached to metal armor plates and are forced to act like biological mobile suits. Several times the new models break off their master's control and go berserk, at one point eating hearts out of an enemy monster.

    So...they're mindless cyborg slaves. But they're horribly treated. When "fixed up", they're dismembered while awake. Then if they outlive their usefulness, they're dismembered, have their limbs stacked up and their spines and heads shoved into a giant pencil holder, where they rot into a bloody mess of metal and bone.

    Few things in this world disturb me in terms of machines. But EVAs tear me a new butt-hole every time I dare look at a picture of one unmasked, staring at me forever with a bulging green human eye.

  • Now for a little amusement. Megas XLR is a mecha show that, for once, had nothing to do with Japan. It was a fat suburban slacker who found a robot from the future and now runs around doing crazy stuff with it like a piloted version of the Iron Giant. The best scenes from this show that I remember are all the times the local school gets crushed by warring robots. All the students stand up and cheer.

    Good times. Good times.

  • ABC: Atomic. Bacterial. Chemical.

    Proof that you don't need Dredd to succeed as a British comic (ironically the robots themselves are not British. Go figure.)

    While the team always ends up losing and gaining a member to round out the strict limit of 6 (although an unofficial 7th member is almost always seen with the group), they never stop in fighting unfairness in the universe. They're unique in that each is its own production model and personality, and are effectively human, save made of steel, beyond mere super strength and are effectively indestructible.

    Still in an ongoing series since their debut in the late 1970's, the ABC Warriors had a bit of a film cameo in the Sylvester Stallone Judge Dredd film, where a later production model of the leader Hammerstein was re-awakened and used as a bodyguard by the evil twin brother Rico.

    Hopefully the team gets a major motion picture in the future, because being a completest for this series is both a pain and horrifically expensive (if you are in he states that is.)

    SPREAD THE WORD!

  • Now I'm really digging into the scrap heap, but can you blame me for this guy? Bender Bending Rodriguez, or simply Bender, is a Bending unit built in Tijuana, Mexico who lives his life getting drunk, stealing cash and laying it in thick with the ladies. He loves to hassle his best friend Phillip J. Fry in ways that nearly kill him, always willing to pull of a scam better than Eddy in Ed, Edd and Eddy and is a good for nothing lazy bum.

    But he's a robot voiced by John DiMaggio with a hankering for beer and severe kleptomania. You can't hate him for that.

    Plus he kicked Robot Satan's butt several times. Now that takes nuts of the iron variety.

  • Now here come the fan favorites. Autobots are the quintessential hero type of the Transformers series, constantly fighting the Decepticons as they try to find ways to kill the Autobots and rule Earth. Unlike Decepticons though, Autobots prefer turning into everyday vehicle.

    But why would you turn into a Subaru if you had the option of becoming a B2-Stealth Bomber. (starts banging her face against the doors of her car.)

  • The negative faction of Transformers who fight to kill the Autobots and rule over the last remaining members of the Transformer race. It is through actions initiated by Megatron that lead to the destruction of the original home planet Cybertron. They also turn into badass war machines like Tanks, Jets, police cars etc.

  • An ancient faction of Transformers who, unable to scan machines, where forced to scan the bodies of local fauna to incorporate into their overall fame. The local fauna in question? Why dinosaurs of course!

  • A mechanical robot variant of the Hulk powered by Cosmic energy, this beast would plague heroes and villains alike until Red Hulk drained its power in a desperate bid to force a transformation. Back in his Hulk form, and in full Hulk rage, he then proceeded to tear the machine to pieces.

  • Possibly the start of the mecha genre in Japan, no mentioning of robots should be complete without a dose of Astro Boy to warm your hearts up.

  • One of a very few African American comic book characters, comic nerds everywhere such as I will have fond memories of a young Cyborg trading words and puking up salads in the Teen Titan series.

    While I'm not totally convinced he's JLA material, the fact that he even got on the team in the first place is a huge achievement. Hopefully Marvel takes a leaf out of his book for underused African American characters in the future.

  • My favorite of the Skeletor crew, the rebel Kronos tried to pull a Che Guevera on old bone-head. But instead of spreading communism and ditching town after blowing up civilians in trains, Kronos got his face smashed in and his lower jaw yanked out. Now, rebuilt and stitched up like Frankenstein's kid brother, Trapjaw (as he calls himself now) is a loyal mechanic to Skeletor and even has a taste for anything made out of steel, which he eats to gain power and strength (like The Blob, only sexier).

    Needless fact to know: It wasn't until 2 years after creating my OC Freakenstein that I found out about old Traps here. Makes me wonder if I was exposed to He-Man before my days as a Thundercat-girl.

  • My favorite mech in Marvel, the Sentinels are unique in that they're made up of highly durable and flexible plastic components, rather than the obvious steel frames. This was done to piss off Magneto, among other things.

    They also have a hive mind and, save for a young one found and "raised" by Juston from the Young Avengers, answer only to the all-parent Master Mold. Currently, all but one of the Sentinels in 616 are destroyed, or converted to mobile suits.

    FYI, Days of Future Past better have some fully "fleshed" Sentinels in it. That crap with the fog and the fastball special was stupid in the Bryan Singer films.

  • The sentient factory Sentinel who builds "children" from a compartment in the center chest, there is still questions regarding the "gender" of Master Mold. In comics, it's a male, while in other media, it's a female. Nonetheless, the Sentinel units all worship Master Mold and answer first to it, before following human commands. Whether or not there is a parental bond between both types is uncertain (but I like to think MM loves its kids. Then again, I am squishy like that. :3)

    And yes, Master Mold is still plugged in.

  • Gargoyle fans, rejoice! You have not been forgotten! Coldstone is a unique attempt by Thanatos to re-animate long destroyed Gargoyle statues. Using the stone forms of three separate Gargoyles, Coldstone was created, a cyborg immune to the sun's petrification effect and having a mind split between 3 personalities. Eventually, the two other personalities where downloaded into separate bodies, leaving Coldstone behind with the single mind that he had as a single Gargoyle back a thousand years ago.

  • A mutant and fellow X-Men from the original team, alongside legends such as Cyclops and Beast, Archangel was once called simply Angel, mainly for his immense white wings that made him appear like a holy messenger every time he took flight.

    However, when the mutant overlord Apocalypse rose, he took the mutant Angel and surgically replaced his wings with those made of metal, in the process dying his skin a deep blue to simulate the Angel of Death.

    Now called Archangel, the cybernetic mutant would behave as a slave for Apocalypse before his brainwashing broke down from psychic intervention by the X-Men. He still retains metal wings, but, despite having instances of PTSD and full neurological reset where he forgot everything about himself, he has proven time and time again to be a key asset to both X-Men and X-Force.

  • Once a suave man, Metallo became what he is now from a freak accident. His entire soul was transferred via download to a cybernetic body, similar to the Metallikats in SWATkats: The Radical Squadron. Instead of a heart, he was given a Kryptonite core, an item he would use frequently to weaken Superman in their fights later on. His outward appearance is only a costume designed to make him blend with other humans. The only real outward difference is that his eyes glow green when provoked or in battle (see Alex Ross' Justice for details.)

  • DC's answer to both The Vision and Machine Man, Amazo is an android designed to absorb and manipulate the abilities of his enemies. Sort of like a mix of Sauron and Rogue, but more fine tuned and with no risk of exhaustion. He, under the command of his build Dr. Milo, would later on track down and battle Solomon Grundy in revenge for being betrayed (or felt like being betrayed) by a previous version of Grundy a a hyper-intelligent mastermind. During the battle, Amazo would be corrupted by the dark force that held Grundy together, transforming him into a severely glitch-prone "Amazo-Grundy".

  • There are two unwritten rules in the franchise of Superman: never resurrect his parents, and always switch around Brainiac with Lex Luthor if one or the other is in jail or drunk out of his mind. That being said, Brainiac is equal to Luthor in terms of arch-Nemesis to Superman. It's believed by most that an early prototype of the Brainiac program was responsible for the cataclysm that decimated Planet Krypton, but alas, it has never been proven (alongside rumors of Darkseid manipulation of events leading to the planet's destruction.)

    But regardless if he did or not, he is still a badass, being both a master manipulator, immortal killing machine and an honorary member/leader of the Legion of Doom.

  • A viral android originally built by Hank Pym to handle inter-dimensional prisons and as a possible alternative to risking lives in fighting villain, it gained self-awareness and went rogue. Now an tactical enemy, it is convinced that its single goal is to replace biological life with mechanical, often times updating itself many times like a regular computer program. It's Skynet meets the Phalanx Covenant, but with a sinister purpose to punish its creator for seemingly abandoning it at the time of its original corruption. Convoluted? Yes. Sad? Maybe. Bad ass? Most definitely.

  • Considered to be a child of Ultron, the Vision was created by re-animating a dead person and transplanting mechanical aspects, at the cost of removing previous memories of his human past. While initially a villain or anti-heroic, he eventually calmed down enough to become an honorary member of the Avengers. He still has moments of doubt about humans, mainly as residual programming via Ultron, but overall, enjoys their company. Even though he nearly fainted at the sight of watching Red Hulk chow down an entire bowl of tapioca (true story).

  • Considered by some to be at least another "relative" to Ultron, Machine Man was raised by a human father after an incident that involved a mass killing of soldiers by corrupted prototypes of MachineMan's robot type. Built during a parallel research unit to the Gamma project involving Bruce Banner and Thaddeus Ross, MachineMan was given the name of Aaron Stack and effectively "grew up" as a human. Even though he is corrupted by Ultron later on, subsequent appearances have him team up with Red Hulk. Now he's chasing Red She-Hulk. Seems like a family affair to me, but what do I know. I'm not red or made of steel.(yet anyways :P)

  • The Terminator franchise is one big machine. What makes t-1000 the only one worthy of a spotlight?

    Simple.

    Robert frakking Patrick.

    Further proof that if you're name is Robert, you're an automatic bad ass. Back in the day, one look from t-1000 would make even Sarah Connor freeze solid in fear (she nearly did). But after the deactivation of this particular unit, the T-X/Terminatrix was sent back to finish the job. I might have liked her better...if it wasn't Kristana Lokken playing her. Seriously, Painkiller Jane should have jumped out of windows and stayed that way. It's the only good thing to come out of her acting tenure (don't include the first Bloodrayne. I want to stab the guy who invented the game in the butt with a silver spork.)

    Hmm, am I the only person why thinks T-1000 should have been Albert Wesker? He certainly looks more like him than the dyed haired contacts wearing wuss in Resident Evil: Afterlife/Retribution.