I've recently begun writing what Hope to turn into a graphic novel and would like some feedback. Any suggestions and/or criticism would help and be greatly appreciated.
"Othala, come, we must talk." Ansgar said in a gentle voice.
"What is troubling you Ansgar, I have never seen such sadness in your eyes?" Othala asks.
"It is time Othala. I have looked after you your entire life, watched you grow into the man you are. Raised you as my own son." Answers Ansgar. "I've been watching you train lately. You have improved much over the last year. It is through your improvement that I see you are ready to know the truth."
"The truth?" Othala asks puzzling.
"About your parents Othala, and what happened to them all those years ago. I know you've..."
"But Ansgar, I do not need to know such things. I am a grown man now, I need not worry about my past." Othala said hastily.
"The past, my son, holds the answers to your future. If we can reflect on the past, then our paths shall be clear. This is something you need to know, but i fear you will not take it lightly." says Ansgar with a regrettable tone. " Your parents were murdered."
"I know this already Ansgar. Why are you telling me this again?" Othala said, as if He'd heard this several times before.
"You need to know the full story." said Ansgar. "When I found you, you were laying under a pile of rubble. It is a miracle you had survived. Your village had been pillaged by a gang of cut-throats. They took what they wanted, and burned your village to the ground. I had arrived moments to late. In time enough to catch them riding off into the night. I had caught a glimpse of a man, and stared him in the eyes, and what I had seen will never leave me." Ansgar pauses.
"What? What did you see Ansgar?" asks Othala eagerly.
"A man with a soul of pure hatred and evil. I could see from this mans eyes, that he cared for no one but himself. He craved power, lusted for it. Greed was his motive, and a powerful motive it was." Ansgar goes silent for a moment, then continues. "Myself and the rest of The Ravens Eye had later found out who this man was. The evil I had felt through this man had frightened me so much, that I asked my friends to help me seek him out, but none would step up with me, so I meditated. It was then when i realized who you were, and why you had survived the destruction of your village."
"I do not understand. I am Othala, your apprentice, your son through spiritual bonds. How could I be anything else." Othala asks ponderingly.
"You are right son, but you are much more than you think. Through my meditation, I had a vision, I had seen your fate. You are to be the Chosen One. The one who will save the Gods. One who will restore the balance between good and evil. You will face incredible odds in your lifetime."
"You speak nonesense Ansgar, this could not possibly be! I am a man, no more, no less." Othala states upsettingly. "If this were true, why would you not have told me sooner, given me time to prepare?"
"Such things are not for young boys to worry about. I have prepared you for this Othala. This is why I have trained you, why I had been so strict with your lessons. If you were not properly trained you would never have been ready, and mankind would fall into darkness."
"Who is it then that I must defeat to save the Gods? If the Gods need saving then surely a mortal man cannot accomplish this task." Othala asks with doubt.
"The man who murdered your parents. His name is Roald. He will undoubtedly seek you out to kill you, so that you may not interfere with his plans." Ansgar replies.
"This is nonsense! This cannot be! I am a man! A mortal! I cannot accept this task." Othala says as he speedily walks toward the tree line.
"Othala, wait!" shouts Ansgar, but it is too late. Othala had sped into the forest and out of sight. "If you are to save us, my son, then you must see clearly." whispers Ansgar to himself.
Ansgar turns away and slowly walks back to his humble little cottage. Inside is a bed made of wood and twine, and several pelts for comfort lay upon it. There are tapestries hung on all the walls, and a beautifully crafted rug lay in the center of the cottage. Upon the rug is a pillow, incense, and various magical items. Ansgar walks over to the rug, sits down on the pillow, lIghts his incense, and begins to meditate.
In a daze Othala walks through the woods for quite some time, pondering everythin Ansgar had told him earlier that night. He finds His favorite spot where he would go to think and sits upon a decent size rock to rest. The rock is carved with runes that Othala had placed in a ring around it.
"Why Ansgar, had you not told me the truth sooner?" He asks Himself quietly. He looks down in confused disappointment and sighs heavily. "If I am truly the Chosen One, then I must look deeper to find answers." He says to himself questionably.
Othala crosses his legs upon his earthy throne, takes a deep breathe through his nose and out of his mouth, and closes his eyes, as He begins to meditate.
He sits alone in darkness as He reflects on the information he has just been given. Suddenly, the runes on his earthy throne begin to glow in a blue-white aura, as do Othalas rune tattoos. A vision comes into his mind.
Images of death and chaos flash through his head. He sees a man with rams horns on his helmet, then Ansgar looking up at him. There are flames engulfing everything, screams coming from everywhere.
Othala sharply comes to his senses with a look of terror on his face.
“Ansgar! The village is in trouble!” He exclaims. He darts off into the trees and heads back towards his village, his family.
“It has been far too long Ansgar.” A man from the shadows states.
“Who are you? What do you want with me?” Ansgar replies. “Why have you come here?”
“It seems it has been too long then. You don’t even remember my face, my eyes. Take a look Ansgar, tell me who I am.” The shadowed man demands softly.
Ansgar peer into his eyes, and fear fills his face. Shakes him to the Bone. “You! Roald! I have told you once you will not have the boy.” He shouts.
“I do not need the boy as of yet. He will come to me, and we shall settle it when we meet.” Roald states calmly. “But as for you…”
A blade comes swiftly from behind and out just under Ansgars ribs. Silence falls, and then a thud on the ground. Roald looks up behind Ansgars body and sees his second in command, General Ragnar.” You did make sure he will suffer, didn’t you General”
“He should live for and hour or so.” The General replies.
“Good then, shall we leave this place then? It’s repulsive how these people lived.” says Roald in a disgusted manner.
“Sire, what of the boy?” Ragnar asks.
“He is of no concern at this time. Be patient General, the boy will come to us.”
Othala comes running from the trees and into the village, only to find death and destruction. Bodies are everywhere, the bodies of his friends and family. Fire engulfs everything, everything he knew as home. He pauses for a moment as tears well up in his eyes, struggling to take everything in.
“Ansgar! Ansgar!” He shouts running in search of his spiritual father.
“Othala?” Ansgar says in what sounds like a rasping and dying voice. “Othala, is that you?”
“Ansgar, what happened!? Who did this?” He asks in anguish.
“It was… Ro, Roald. He came here in search of you. He, He wants you dead.” Ansgar replies struggling. “Othala, I… I love….” And just like that, his final breathe flowed from his body. Ansgar was gone.
Othala holds his father tightly to his chest, sobbing. He looks up to the sky, still holding Ansgar, and screams in agony, a scream that even the Gods would hear.
The next day, Othala buries Ansgar. As He finishes packing the dirt over Ansgars grave, He kneels beside it, and softly speaks, “ Ansgar, blood or not, you were my father, and I shall avenge your death. I will find Roald, I will find Him, and following swiftly behind Me, shall be his death.”
Othala stands up, saying one last good bye to his father, turns around and heads home. As he ventures through the forest on his way back to His village, small noises catch his ear. He pauses, and uses his senses to feel around the area. A glimmer or white-blue light quickly flashes over his tattoos. As the noise passes his ears again, Othala turns around and shoves his hand into the air. As he does this, the ground shakes wildly, and a few yards in from of him, a massive hand of earth comes crashing out of the ground. In its fist, a woman.
“Let me go!” The woman exclaims.
“And why should I?” Othala shouts back. “ Were you not just following me? Who are you?”
“My name is Vendela. We have come to find you, the Chosen One, so that you might help us.” She replies.
“We?, Who is “We”?” Othala asks. “ And help you with what?
“Gunnarr! Show yourself!”
As she shouts these words, the tress all around begin to shake and rustle. Out of the trees, comes a man of humongous size. Towering over Othala, Gunnarr looks down at him and says, “ You may release my friend if you wish, or I could make you.”
Othala gently releases Vedela from her earthy confines. He looks them both up and down. “ Why were you following me?” He asks.
“My village was destroyed. Burned to the ground by a man with no soul.” Vedela replies. “ I set out to find him and kill him, but I was no match for his magic. I ran into Gunnarr on the journey home. Badly hurt, he took me in, fed me, and helped me return my health. He offered to join my quest, as his village had suffered the same fate.”
As these words are spoken, Gunnarr lowers his head in sorrow. Vendela continues her story. “ After months of searching and fighting, we realized we could no defeat this evil on our own. We headed to the nearest town for supplies, all the while discussing our next plan of action, when and old man who runs the trading post, tell us of a legend, a prophecy, of a man. One man who will come and release this evil from the world. We followed the clues we were given, and were led to you.”
Othala quickly processes the information given. “I can see you are telling the truth.” He says. “come, it is getting dark. My village is not far from here. I can offer you shelter and food for the night. We will discuss more of this when we get there.”
Othala turns around and begins walking, Vendela and Gunnarr follow.