Lance Uppercut

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Rant #1

Screw it. The logical part of me is telling me that this is the worst idea possible, but if this is what has to happens, then this is what happens. Long story short, about a month ago, I tried to kill myself due to a massive bout of depression caused by multiple factors. It ended with me losing one of my best friends and most of all, my livelihood. More recently, I wrote a massive blog and threatened to post it in a public arena inĀ  order to make myself look like a massive douche bag so she'd finally hate me forever and get over it. Let me be clear. This is a horrible plan right now, but I'm trying not to obey my logic and got with my emotions on this. As I'm typing this, I'm on the verge of tears for no apparent reason other then a lot of remorse and guilt. She was an angel when I needed one. For the past four weeks, I've been trying to gain a sense of closure on the situation, but apparently my last plan wasn't the way to go about it. Suggestions are appreciated.