D: So, Ant Man, how do you think the therapy is going so far?

A: I’m not in a strait jacket yet, so I’d have to say fine.

D: So, I assume that would mean that you think things are going well then?

A: Yeah, I’d say so.

D: And that the therapy is making you feel better.

A: Oh absolutely. Without a doubt. First rate help.

D: Okay, okay. Good. Oh, just one more question then.

A: Yes?

D: Why are you hiding under my couch?

A: Is it that obvious?

D: Somewhat. Yes.

A: Dang. I was hoping you wouldn’t notice.

D: I should have warned you that I am the Worlds Greatest Detective. Come out from there.

A: Okay, but I should warn you that you are putting me in grave danger.

D: Why is that?

A: Villainy is afoot.

D: Ah, yes. I was wondering when this might come up. So who is it that’s after you? Dr. Doom? Sabretooth? Willie Lumpkin?

A: WHAT!? Those guys are lightweights! Dr Doom? HA! The only thing he’s a Doctor of is wetting the bed! And Sabretooth? I knew him when he was still Deputy Dawg!

D: I see.

A: Dr Octopus got his name from a calamari allergy, Galactus is a cross dresser, Thanos TELLS people he’s obsessed with Death when it’s actually Lady Gaga and Magneto once got stuck to his fridge for three weeks! Losers, each and every one of them.

D: So what is it that strikes fear into the heart of the mighty, Ant Man then?

A: Mulch.

D: What?

A: Mulch. There’s a ton of it out in your garden today. Mulch is an ants’ worst enemy.

D: Not Baron Zemo then?

A: Mulch makes Zemo look like a pansy. Zemo could only HOPE to be half the villain that mulch is.

D: What’s wrong with it? It helps my garden grow.

A: You know what else it helps grow? Do ya!?

D: Oh, what?


D: Oh sweet jesus…

A: That’s right! Satan’s little minions of death! The Shrew!!!

D: And what has the humble shrew ever done to you?


D: Your ant Aunt Geoffrey?

A: She coulda been someone, Doc! She was top of her ant class! She was going to go to Ant college!

D: What was she going to study?

A: ANThropolgy!

D: Okay. I’m ending the session there.

A: But my inner pain! My fear of shrews! My allergy to family members getting eaten!


D: Better?

A: Much.

D Same time next time?

A: Thanks, Doc.

D: Pleasure, Ant Man.

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