Exusiai

I speak from experiance here

I met a woman online, A woman who captured my heart.  Who told me that she and I would start out on a road trip together.  She would drive, she would control the speed. I would navigate.  I was given a map. Told that at some point in time there would be phone calls, once she got comfortable with the idea.  Told that if that went well, there would be plans made to make a visit.
 
I was given the wrong map.  the map Iwas given was to those phone calls and that visit.  Where as the real map led to  well no where really.   And so I discovered after the fact that this person only wanted a online relationship, nothing else, nothing more.

But here I was, like an idiot navigating based on the map I was give.  And here  she was pretending the map I had was the Right map I'd make a Suggestion, and she'd agree, when if fact she had no intention of making that turn.  And when the time came to make that turn, something came up.  for some reason we didn't make that turn.  And we'd fight.  I would be made to feel I was at fault for  wanting to make that turn, when I had been led to believe that the turn was possible.

But I prevailed. I still loved her.  I forgave the broken promise, and I continued to give her my heart.

And then came the point where I was asked to step out of the Car.  someone else was going to be given the map.  And I was asked to Step out.  This person was also given a wrong Map, and the woman in question did nothing but Take a rope tie it to the bumper of the figuitive car, and Tie the other end to my heart. And after a while, after this person made all the Wrong turns the False map guided them to. HE was asked to Step out and I was asked to Step back in.  And like a fool I did.

And again I was given the wrong map.  and again I navigated based on this false information.

SO again someone else was Asked to take my place in the car. I don't know what map he was given, but I can only guess that he was given the wrong map. Because now anew man has been  asked to sit in the car

And Supposedly he's been given the correct map.

And what I find funny is he has already told me "I can fix her" meaning he can "Fix her to where she will use the Call and Visit Map" .. but he's convinced her that "No I'll use the no call no visit map"

Funny thing about all of this.  I still love her.  I still hurt.  I still want to call her my girl.  But thats not my call to make now is it .

I do know this.  All I am to her is a Saftey net.  And Each time she gets hurt, each time someone else makes the Wrong turns they were told they could make, she comes back to me.

I'm just not sure I can go through it again

I'm not sure I can be there this time

So to answer the question yes I have fallen in love with a woman I've never met, who I've only seen one picture of, and who's voice I have never heard

And My heart has suffered more from this, than any Real relationship I have ever been in.

"Exusiai said:

"

I'm Sick, really I am

I'm sick of being told I'm not good enough

I'm sick of being told I'm not "Bad enough"

I'm sick of falling asleep alone

I'm sick of Waking up alone

I'm sick of people Playing with my heart and my Emotions like there are Hacky sacks

I'm sick of women who have a man like me who will treat them like a Goddess, but they want a man who will treat them like an object

I'm sick of being the nice guy that always Finishes last.

I'm sick of giving my heart only to have it Trampled

I'm sick of being made to believe I'm good enough when I'm not

Mainly I'm Fed up with Emotions All together.

"

quit being emo."

"And how do you feel about that?"

Slinger thank you  and yoru Rigth I feel Sick ..

Sweet jesus I'm drunk

Seriously I sorta developed my own style over several years.

I started Roleplaying when I was 13 (which as of yesterday was 23 years ago) I started with Table Top Roleplaying, and then About 12 or 13 years ago transitioned into Online Chat Room Role Plays

Everyne I've interacted with in my "Gaming live" has influenced my rp in some shape form or fashion.  Each Person Touched my imagination on a various and Different level .  Over the past few years there have been one or two that stand out as having nudged me or pushed me better than others

nudged me to write longer posts, to incorporate more action and Descriptive text into  my posts .... 

So when it all comes down to it, anyone and Everyone I've rp'd with in the past 23 years has influenced me somehow

My next post needs to wait, I'm headed Out of Town for A couple of Days not back til Saturday

-Goes to work on a post-

"And then did it again."

Liked the Panther .... so Question is this...  when do we Start running into each other

He was making his way through the underground caverns as silence and the glow of the alg embraced him, it was only because of this silence that he knew he was being followed, being watched, his hand still flexing in between different blade formations he heard his opponent leap via the grunt of breath as the woman strained her muscles, the woman in question was astonishingly beautiful, and her powers were the aility to mimic any fighting style she encountered.  having already bested a few heroes herself,  she had copied several moves.  Exusiai dodged her initial attack, feet barely missing the back of his head as he turned and sliced the air where she had been, only to find she had executed a flip mid air and he landed facing him a few feet in front of him, she looked him over and smiled

"Anything you can do I can do better" she remarked smugly 

Exusiai only smiled "Oh really?" His eyes turning blood red, as he held  up his hands the fingers enlongating itno micro razer sharp blades. "Shall we dance then my dear?"

The woman threw herself at Exusiai, he mearly did his best to block and feint and dodge, she was throwing Tai Kwon do, Jujitsu, Jeet Kun do, all arts Exusiai knew and knew how to counter, after a few moments though she  had wored up a sweat, and blood was oozing from her pores, she stopped the first convulsion sweeping across her muscles, she looked at Exusiai witha look of confusion as he stood over her smiling.   She collapsed to her knees, tears of blood brought to her eyes from the pain she was now experiancing and all he did was smile down at her, she was saved more pain by passing out,  and as she did his eyes reverted to their natural brown color, he smiled down at her body, the fever running through her causing her to sweat more blood his hands shifted back to normal.  She would be dead of the virus within the hour.  He looked down at you "You are unfit"

He stepped over her body and continued to explore the cave, whispering to him self. "And the Red Death shall hold dominion over them all"