Recycle List 6
The Seven Deadly Days of Danger Man
On Sunday, Danger Man was seeking the Circle of Seven. This team had long been his worst enemies, and he had heard that they had a plan to traverse the timestream in order to bring back a dragon for him to duel. He dueled dragons all the time, but it was tiresome, and they'd sometimes eat bystanders before he could beat them- very vexing. Since this dragon was coming from another time, chances were that it would be particularly problematic. Danger Man just didn't understand why the Circle of Seven hounded him so. Nor why they were called the Circle of Seven when there were only six of them.
Unfortunately, though Sunday was supposed to be a day of rest, there was no rest for Danger Man. He had to stop a volcano in Venezuela, a tidal wave in Taiwan, and an avalanche in the Andes. By the time he had neutralized these natural disasters, the day was nearly done, and he had to get home to feed Desmond, his diamondback snake. The last time he forgot to do that, Desmond ate his companion, Danger Dog, and the Society of Super Pets had refused to let him have a new superdog since.
On Monday, The Circle of Seven devised a set of dastardly deeds with which to defeat the dreaded do-gooder, Danger Man. They had tried to demoralize Danger Man a decade ago by doing in his companion, Danger Dog, but their diamondback operative, Desmond, had defected. This left them a bit downhearted until Desmond decided to dine on Danger Dog anyway for reasons that were unknown to them. But these new schemes would surely send the superhero to the insane asylum if they were successful. They had already done a dry run the day before with an Unnatural Disaster Deadly Energy Ray, built by one of their members. Having kept Danger Man busy all day with the U.D.D.E.R., they now contemplated ways to continue to keep him distracted until their diabolical genius was done with the time machine, which he promised would be the big finish to finally fix the fate of their foe, Danger Man.
While the Circle of Seven finalized their fearsome plans, they had kept Danger Man busy with a giant robot moth that they'd sent to eat Tokyo. Danger Man had help from the gigantic Godzilla, but it didn't go as well as it could have. Due to the fact that Godzilla breathes fire, and looks somewhat like a dragon, Danger Man couldn't decide if he should duel Godzilla, or defeat the robot. Once Godzilla had singed his suit, but then turned his attention to the giant moth, Danger Man decided that perhaps helping defeat the mammoth mechanical moth monster was the way to go.
Rubies were needed to power the time machine being built by their diabolical genius, so on Tuesday, the Circle of Seven sent a pretty pink Pythopotamus to rob the Ruby Return. The Ruby Return is like the Diamond Exchange, but more alliterate. A Pythopotamus is part python, and part hippopotamus, but you may have already guessed that. It was also gigantic, because one of the Circle of Seven had a thing for commanding titanic creatures with which to torture citizens.
Caught in the coils of the pretty pink Pythopotamus, Danger Man was squeezed into unconsciousness, and left among the rubble of the Ruby Return, while the Pythopotamus departed with its purloined prizes. You might think that the Circle of Seven could have been rid of Danger Man right then and there, and you'd be correct, but fortunately for the fate of our hurting hero, the Pythopatamus thought itself much too pretty to commit a crime as hateful as hero homicide. And besides, not one of six of the Circle of Seven had given such an order, as it would have wasted what was looking like a week's worth of work to whip the time machine into working order. And wouldn't that just disturb their diabolical genius to no end?
Danger Man had dirtied three of his costumes on Sunday when dealing with the U.D.D.E.R. disasters, Godzilla had singed the fourth one on Monday when they battled the giant moth, and the Pythopotamus had stretched the fifth one out of sorts on Tuesday when it squeezed him into unconsciousness. He had a sixth costume which he was wearing now, and it was only Wednesday, so Danger Man spent the day doing laundry.
If he hadn't, then he would have had to spend Thursday at the laundry mat wearing only his Danger-briefs, and a paper bag over his head to keep his identity secret. It had perhaps worked for Arachnerd in the past, but he was concerned that he could get cited for indecent exposure, even though wearing only his Danger-briefs was little different from wearing swim trunks in public, and people didn't seem to mind when The Swimmer did it.
Still, he preferred to clean his clothes before trouble arose, because the only costume he had after this one was much too formal for fighting anything. He wore it to parties and fundraisers when they came up, but he usually saved it for Saturdays as he was a Seventh Day Adventist. Besides, the formal costume was dry clean only, and the cleaners charged extra for costume repair.
The Circle of Seven had been preoccupied with cleaning on Wednesday as well. It turns out that a pretty pink Pythopotamus isn't a very stable genus of genetic engineering, and in a spectacular splash of self-destruction, it splattered all six of the Circle of Seven with pretty pink Pythopotamus goo. And thanks to their teammate's penchant for particularly leviathanic lizards, that was a lot of goo gumming up the great hall of their headquarters. It also decidedly delayed the debut of the device being designed by their diabolical genius.
Needing to distract Danger Man from discovering their putrifacted plans, the Circle of Seven spent Thursday enacting an elaborate but breathtaking break-in of Danger Man's Palacio de Peligro. Their goal? None other than to kidnap their former ally, Desmond the diamondback. Succeeding in snatching the slithering snake, they returned to their secret headquarters which still had the stale smell of pretty pink Pythopotamus goo.
They had managed to multiply the mess with a mixture of their scientific and mystical knowledge, and turned half of it into a gargantuan green Gorillaphant- because apparently they didn't learn from the pretty pink Pythopotamus mishap- which they sent to fight Danger Man. Fighting the Gorillaphant is how Danger Man spent his day.
The other half of the mess they fought over, and it caused two accidents. The first was that it made Desmond into a very large purple diamondback. The second was that it smashed the six members of the Circle of Seven into a single sentient pile of pink goo resembling a big, bubbling brain that called itself the One Mind. It had all of their knowledge, but had the misfortune of being ruled by their diabolical genius.
Desmond attempted to stop the One Mind.
All of Friday, Desmond and the One Mind fought, until Desmond managed to swallow it. Unexpectedly, the One Mind took over Desmond, and the diabolical genius declared himself Desmond Diamondback! Desmond Diamondback then began to form his plan to finally fix Danger Man. To begin, he sent the hero a cryptic message that was supposedly from Danger Dog.
Oops! We're out of time! Tune in tomorrow, Danger Fans, for the thrilling conclusion of The Seven Deadly Days of Danger Man!