The Supermodel Vs. Superblonde Razing The Rhinodome High Steaks Super Steakout Party With Mike Rofon & Ted Atete


DateCB 1-ShotsViewRead the...
09/23/15The Supermodel Vs. Superblonde...(Blog) (Forum)Disclaimer
RatingRating explanation
TDeath and mayhem mentioned. Crass commercialization of a grudge match.
No Caption Provided

“Okay, is everyone ready? We are live in five, four, three, two, cue the blimp!”

A camera points upward at the giant gray dirigible. The airship control makes up part of the mouth that stretches across the middle of the blimp. One end has giant cartoon eyes on either side, and on that same end there is an extension in the balloon in the shape of a curved, grey spike, pointing upwards. Giant white stitching on both sides makes it look like a deformed football when viewing it from the sides. A banner trails the blimp that declares GET READY FOR A CHARGE!!!

The camera swings down from it’s view of the dirigible towards the heart of downtown. It’s now clear the camera is on top of a building as it zooms closeup towards a giant stadium. As the zoom gets close to the stadium, the camera cuts seamlessly to a flying camera that swings off to one side, then up and over the edge of the top of the stadium, swooping over midfield, hovering as it does a three-sixty of the empty seats, and then dives toward the fifty yard line, where it pulls up and does a lap of the field.

An announcer’s voice cuts in, “It’s a beautiful day here in Richmond, Virginia! Especially here in the Richmond Rotunda! Or as the locals like to call it: THE RHINODOOOME! Home of the Richmond Rrrhinoooos! You’re seeing the view from the Rhinodrone- the only licensed drone camera in the MFL! In fact, we’re all seeing the view from the Rhinodrone, because the Rotunda has been completely emptied for today’s show! We’ll all be seeing this via remote camera! Even the Rhinoship is flying by remote today- loaded with cameras so we see all the action!

“From a mile away and four hundred fifty feet above street level, on the balcony of High Steaks- the highest point in Richmond- I’m Mike Rofon here with Ted Atete and two hundred party goers ready to see the fight of the century, and enjoy some steaks!” A cheer goes up from the background, and the camera cuts to the two announcers, both clad in grill aprons, wearing headset mics and holding grill tongs.

“That’s right, Mike!” chimes in Ted, holding his tongs like he’s talking into a microphone. Realizing this, he draws his head back to look at the tip of the tongs, then tosses them over his shoulder. “This fight has been a long time coming! It’s been five years since the first fight between these two titans! The fight where we all learned about the Hyper-Parasites - The Superbugs! The bugs that have been powering some of the world’s most well known heroes and villains, right under our noses… for years! The fight where we learned to call those heroes and villains… The Dragon Men!”

“Maybe we should have called them Dragon People, Ted,” adds Mike, “because the two people that revealed this to the world weren’t men at all! On the one side, we have the pretty face of the Super Corporation! The Super Chic Princess of Power! A hero to the world: Supermodel! On the other side, we have the woman who blew the lid off of the worldwide cover-up! The Dragon Lady herself! The Mistress of Mean! The woman with the name we just can’t say on television! The woman we refer to as Superblonde!”

“It’s a story that by now everyone knows, Mike!” declares Ted. Turning to the camera, he says, “It’s the story that changed the world!” The television feed cuts to MFL game footage of the original fight between Supermodel and Superblonde as Ted Atete keeps talking. “Who can forget the day that Supermodel plummeted into the very stadium we are focusing on today? During the middle of the playoff games to determine whether the Richmond Rhinos would proceed to the Superbowl! Knocked out of the sky by the then-unknown Superblonde who dropped on her like a twenty megaton bomb! All fury and vengeance, Superblonde- with the same super strength and power to breathe fire as Supermodel- fought tooth and nail in front of cameras and the world to expose the truth of how they got their powers!”

As the screen shows spouts of flame shooting from the two women’s mouths, and physical blows that send them flying back-and-forth across the stadium, Mike Rofon continues, “For years we’ve known these heroes, and despite similar powers, we’ve believed what they claimed their origins to be!”

“I blame it on too many comic books,” declares Ted.

Mike continues, “We’ve heard it all! We’ve heard ‘secret government experiments during Viet Nam!’ We’ve heard ‘aliens!’ We’ve heard ‘strange powers gained from meteorites!’ We’ve heard ‘ancient mystical ritual!’ We’ve heard ‘ancient god on earth!’ There was even ‘dragon in human form!’” Mike chuckles as he says the last one.

“Not to mention my personal favorite,” says Ted, “Superblonde’s own supergenius dad – Osmosis – claiming he got his powers from his bowler hat! For years, Osmosis had gone toe-to-toe with Super-American and Supermodel, only to feign ‘losing his powers’ when he lost his hat! So the world was shocked when his daughter tossed away that same bowler hat during the fight, and still shot fiery breath across the football field!” The old game footage shows the very scene Ted describes.

“That’s right, Ted! It was the moment the world went silent! All eyes trained on Superblonde at that instant, and all ears tuned in on her fury as she screamed to Supermodel and the world the truth of the existence of the Superbugs! Alien creatures that invade the human body through any opening it can, giving them super powers in the process! One way in particular being so embarrassing to many that it spawned story after story about how they claimed to have gained their powers! But when it happened to Superblonde, she was so enraged, so violated, that she took her fury out on the most famous face of all behind the lie: Supermodel!”

Ted continues, “Crashing in on the playoff game, the fight raged for a mere five-and-a-half minutes, but the devastation was great, and the wreckage was total! Taking down a section of stadium before other heroes arrived to break up the fight, hundreds were injured, some later died! With the amazing truth revealed during her outrage though, the public was actually inclined to forgive Superblonde. So the government, rather than try to incarcerate her, sentenced her to work for the military! And in the last five years, she has acquitted herself honorably! Heading up teams that have hunted down infestations of these surprisingly fragile creatures, they have wiped out entire colonies of these Superbugs, keeping the world safe from a dangerous destabilization of world power!”

“For her part in that monumental fight, Supermodel pledged the money and resources of the Super Corporation to back those missions! And they came through as they always have!” declares Mike. “Still, there’s no love lost between these two lovely ladies! So today, the gloves are off! Today, it’s a grudge match for the ages!”

“Right you are, Mike! As much as Richmonders love their football team, the Rhinodome has become to them and the world a sad reminder of the tragic deaths during that fight! So the Rhinos have scheduled it for demolition, to be replaced by a new stadium with a new design! And what better way than to unleash these two women of mass destruction once again! This time, with no bystanders, and no holds barred! The surrounding area has been cleared for a half mile around the stadium! The fight will last until there is a clear winner or the stadium is in ruins! And the Super Corporation will be picking up the tab for all damages, rebuilding the Rhinodome and anything in the surrounding half mile that gets destroyed during the fight!”

The camera cuts back to the two announcers. “And we’ll be right here with you,” says Mike, pointing at the camera. “Giving you the blow-by-blow on the entire fight!”

“And enjoying some steaks!” adds Ted.

“And enjoying some steaks,” agrees Mike with a smile. “The fight begins in just moments, so stay with us! I’m Mike Rofon.”

“And I’m Ted Atete!”

Back at the stadium, remote cameras zip back-and-forth across the field, catching Superblonde walking out of the tunnel on one end, and Supermodel descending from the sky at the other. Matching her red costume, Superblonde wears a bowler hat, which has become symbolic for her. Supermodel wears her signature orange and black uniform, cape flapping in the breeze.

They face off from across the field, waiting for the signal to start the fight. They have mixed feelings, but they’ve agreed to do it for public relations, and multiple pledged donations to charities. Superblonde is looking forward to it. Supermodel just wants to get it done. They both take deep breaths, and hover slightly off of the ground. They tense slightly, steel themselves, and fireworks go off at both ends of the stadium, signalling the beginning of the fight. Then they launch towards each other.

“There’s the signal!” shouts Mike.

Ted cheers, “This is going to be good!

Please let me know what you think, and thanks! -cbOriginally Presented In: CCC #38.