RANKED 1st BY VOTERS IN CHARACTER CREATION CONTEST #45!

A cameraman counts the final seconds before going live as the intro music plays, and then a man starts, “Welcome to the Larsen Channel Seven News. I’m your anchor, Phillip Thyme...”

“...I’m your co-anchor, Paige Webb...”

“...I’m Rudy Day, with the weather...”

“...And I’m Duncan Shot, with sports.”

The camera goes back to Phillip, who jumps right in with, "Our top story today: it was the kick heard around the world! Who can forget this from the Supermodel Vs. Superblonde fight in the Richmond Rhinodome:"

A video clip plays of the event. A goalpost flies from the right side of the screen, catching Supermodel right in the gut, and sending her flying off the left side of the screen. The camera quickly follows to see the flying goalpost catch on the one that is still standing at the other end of the field. Supermodel continues sailing past until she crashes into the stands. She gets up immediately, and soars back across the field to where Superblonde now stands- the opposing twenty yard line.

"Bring it b[eep]ch!" Superblonde yells at the hero. "I'm gonna [beep] up that pretty face!"

Supermodel cocks back her fist while still in flight. "Yeah? Well f--ugh!" she yells, interrupted by a kick to the gut from Superblonde.

"'Fug?'" says the voiceover of Mike Rofon. "Did I hear that right, Ted? Did she just say, 'Fug?'"

Ted Atete is heard chuckling in the voiceover. "Yes, Mike, I do believe that was 'Fug.'"

"Well, that's the most ridiculous fuggin' thing I've ever heard," snickers Mike.

"I think it's fuggin' hilarious myself," Ted chuckles.

"Well what the fug do I know?" laughs Mike.

"Fug it, Mike. Just go with it," snorts Ted.

"Well, heh heh, wh-- bwah-ha! Wh-ha-ha! Why the fug not, Ted?" Mike finally finishes. Then both men lose it in the voiceover.

The camera cuts to Mike and Ted, hosting the Steakout Party at High Stakes- one of many such parties held that night, but the only one officially televised as part of the event. "Well, folks?" yells Mike as he and Ted recover themselves. "What the fug do you think?"

"FUG IT!" yells the crowd, followed by whoops and cheers.

"FUUGG IIIIIT!" Ted yells back.

"FUUUUGGG IIIIT," Mike and Ted yell in unison, raising their grill tongs.

"FUUUUGGG IIIIIIIT!" the partygoers scream back, pumping their fists and raising their beers.

The camera cuts back to Phillip and Paige at the news desk, Phillip chuckling with a good humored smile, and Paige clearly recovering from a good laugh at the antics of their coworkers. "I still think it's so great that they got to go to Richmond and do that," she says to Phillip. He nods. She looks at the camera and says, "Well, that was the story just four months ago. And in that short amount of time, 'fug' has caught on like wildfire. It's been used as the punchline for late night comedians and sitcoms, is all over Youtube, quickly became a part of our everyday slang, and was just in time to make the new word list for this year's dictionary. That's right: 'fug' can now be found under 'F' in the 2016 Encarta World English Dictionary."

"Which is appropriate," adds Phillip, "since it's a replacement for an 'F' word anyway."

Paige groans. Phillip chuckles. Duncan and Rudy can be heard booing from offscreen. Phillip shrugs and smiles at the camera.

"Yes, that was four months ago, but Supermodel is in the news again today as The Sponsors announce a new team mem--" Phillip puts a finger to his ear and listens before adding, "Folks, we're just getting word from the newsroom that there is a robbery in progress at the Larsen City Bank, and shots have been fired between the police and masked gunmen inside."

Paige nods at someone offscreen and turns to the camera. "Mike Rofon is on scene, and we take you now live to him. Mike?"

The camera cuts to Mike, wearing a bulletproof vest over his sport jacket, standing a hundred yards away from police cars that have converged on the bank. Police lights flash, and gunfire can be heard. "Phillip and Paige, the police have cordoned off the area here at the Larsen City Bank, and this is as close as they'll let us get to the scene. As you can see and hear behind me, the police have engaged the suspects, and the gunfire has been continuous for the past few minutes- machine guns from the crooks, handguns from the police."

"That sounds like Glocks that the police are firing, Mike. Is that correct?" asks a very concerned looking Phillip in the studio. Paige nods agreement, looking equally concerned at the camera with her hands folded on the news desk.

Mike nods for a couple of seconds, listening as the sound feed delays from the studio to the field. His eyebrows twitch momentarily as he starts, "Uh... it's hard to tell from this distance, Phillip, with... with all of the activity going on here," he vamps as he figures out what to do with the question. "But uh... Glocks are the standard issue for the Larsen Police Department. So, uh, yes," he nods to the camera. "I think you're probably right, Phillip," he says with a conceding hand gesture. "Those are Glocks you're hearing in the background."

In the studio, listening to Mike over his earpiece, Phillip nods at the confirmation as if he just received the most crucial information he's heard all day. Paige appears to be considering the information gravely.

"Phillip," cuts in Mike, "We're receiving word that a woman in a pink costume has been spotted inside the bank. She's carrying a sword, and it's not clear at this time if she is with the thieves, or if she has somehow gotten inside to apprehend them. Initial thought was that it was the new member of The Sponsors, but the costume doesn't seem right. We're not sure... Gunfire from the thieves has turned from the police outside to inside the bank! So either she's some new hero, or they're fighting among themselves. We're waiting on word fr--"

Mike stops speaking as louder shots are heard from close by the news crew. The camera whips around to a nearby alleyway, where a man in a business suit and a skull mask is shooting the driver of a car sitting at the mouth of the alley. The camera is wobbly as the cameraman apparently ducks for cover, but is still angling for a better shot of what's happening. As the camera stills, the shooter is already halfway down the alley, fleeing the scene on foot.

"Phillip! This is incredible!" exclaims Mike. Jumping into play-by-play reporting, he continues, "Only a few short feet from where we're standing, and only yards from the police, a masked gunman has opened fire on a parked car! Some of the officers have broken away from the standoff and are running towards the alley! They are chasing the gunman down the alley to the next street, and one of them... one of them is checking on the driver of the vehicle. As you can see and hear, there's a woman screaming in the passenger side! The condition of the driver is unknown at this time, but with the number of shots fired in through the driver's window, I can only imagine that we're not looking at a good outcome here."

"Mike, do you think it has anything to do with what's going on inside the bank?" asks Paige.

The camera in the field immediately swings around and shakes as Mike's cameraman runs back to the front of the van and focuses on the bank. "Paige," shouts Mike, "things are pretty hectic out here on the scene! There's a flurry of movement from seemingly everywhere right now, as the police scramble to cover both situations! It's hard to tell what's going on right this moment! We'll continue coverage and report everything as it happens! While we're trying to get some information from the ground, we'll go back to you in the studio, Phillip and Paige! Live at the Larsen City Bank, this is Mike Rofon for Larsen Seven News."

The camera switches back to the studio, where Phillip picks up. "Very tense situation right now at the Larsen City Bank, and we'll keep you apprised with any updates as they happen."

"Mm, yes, Phillip, that is terrible goings on at the Larsen City Bank tonight, and we hope that everyone gets out safe, and that none of our police are hurt." She looks at Phillip hopefully as she finishes.

Phillip nods in agreement. As the shot cuts to another camera angle, he says, "In the meantime, the results are in from this week's Larsen Channel Seven News Man On the Street Poll!" He beams brightly as he adds, "And we'll be right back with Paige Webb and the results, after these messages."

Story and characters owned by Chris Bishop, copyright 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, 2020, 2021, 2022.