Arach-Knight

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Arach-Knight

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#1  Edited By Arach-Knight

This is going to be the worst film of the summer.  Hands down.  I am going to see it in the theater only for the comedic value it will hold.

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Arach-Knight

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#2  Edited By Arach-Knight

Okay, it's me vs Egan.

Egan, hope you don't mind me having you in a hidden lair!


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Arach-Knight

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#3  Edited By Arach-Knight

“Knock, knock,” the Arach-Knight said as he skittered in the open window on the fifth floor.  Detective Phelps had been sitting at his desk, filling out paperwork, and he jumped at the sound of the Knight’s voice.  His pencil flipped through the air and clattered to the tile floor.

“I told you not to do that anymore,” Phelps growled.

“You also told me not to go commando under the costume, but that doesn’t mean I listen to you,” the Arach-Knight replied.

“What do you want?  Don’t you know that if I get caught helping you again the Captain is going to have me writing parking tickets outside of rest homes?”

“I need a file…on Egan the Vile.”

“Dear God no, please tell me you aren’t going to start the rhyming thing again,” Phelps said, burying his face in his hands.

“No, no, no.  I won’t rhyme…no mo.”

“Out,” Phelps snapped, pointing to the window.

“Fine, I’m not rhyming anymore.  Come on Lu, don’t be sore.”

“You won’t stop until I give you the file,” Phelps said with a shake of his head as he got up and walked across the room to a filing cabinet.  The Arach-Knight followed him by crawling along the ceiling and looking down.

“What do you want with this guy?  He’s bad news from what I hear,” Phelps said as he pulled the flimsy out.

“He’s here in town,” The Arach-Knight said, reaching down to grab the file.

“How do you know that?”

“Lazy Eddie heard it from Shoeshiner who heard from Ralph the Cat that Johnny Scrub has been boosting electronics for the guy,” the Arach-Knight rattled off.

“What?  Lord no.”  Phelps paced around the room for a minute while the Arach-Knight perused the file.  “Alright, give that back and go home.  To your web or where ever it is you crawl out from.  Stay out of this, let us handle it.”

“Us?  As in the cops?”

“Yeah.”

“And what are you going to do to him?  Chase him down with your billy clubs?  Ooooh, that’s bone chilling,” the Arach-Knight said with a giggle.

“Fine, I’ll call in the army.  I told you, this guy is bad news.”

“Oh, peshaw!  He’s a robot.  That’s about as intimidating to me as cold butter is to a nice, warm slice of toast.  And I don’t mean that Country Crock stuff, I’m talking that little pack of butter you get at a restaurant and it feels like they’ve been storing it in the arctic.”  The Arach-Knight handed the file back to Phelps.  “I’ll let you know where I’ve left him.  Gift wrapped with a little bow...so, what do you know?”

“Out.”

*****

It had taken three long days of searching, but he finally found the lab that Egan was using as a base of operations.  Impressively enough, the facility was fairly well secured.  Trip wires, motion sensors, patrol drones, it was a veritable smorgasbord of high tech surveillance.  Luckily though, the Arach-Knight had his early warning danger sense to help him circumvent the safeties and get right to the man, or droid, himself.  Egan was sitting at a desk, tinkering with some odd contraption as the Arach-night lowered himself down from the ceiling.  Hanging upside down behind the villain, the Knight spoke up.

“Excuse me,” he said in an official sounding voice.  “I’m from the census bureau and we’re going door to door to see exactly how much of the city is comprised of villainous hideouts.  My guess is 70%, but then I’m only a junior officer.”  Without waiting for a response, the Arach-Knight shot two wads of webbing at Egan.

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Arach-Knight

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#4  Edited By Arach-Knight
“And you are?” she asked with quiet confidence and eyes that smoldered.  Okay fine, they’re not actually smoldering with tendrils of smoke rising up into the air, but good grief she is stunning.

“I’m, uh, um, the Arach-Knight,” he stammered out.  “Which means, depending on who you ask, that I’m a heroically impressive savior of all humanity or a vile, nasty insect with an insatiable taste for human blood.  Again, it depends on whom you ask.  Regardless, I’d like to see this thing through to the end.  So whatever you need.”

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Arach-Knight

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#5  Edited By Arach-Knight

Thanks Arbitius!

Okay Panther, I just posted.

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Arach-Knight

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#6  Edited By Arach-Knight

“That’s just plain rude,” the Arach-Knight snapped as he leapt into action.  There wasn’t a whole lot of time to think about the choice.  Man or bomb.  Then again, the spider wasn’t one who liked to make the hard choices.  He preferred the Captain Kirk method in solving the Kobayashi Maru scenario, well not really cheating, but winning, although cheating did sometimes have its uses, especially when playing Monopoly.

He sprinted across the first roof, and upon reaching the edge, launched himself into the air.  The bomb was tumbling end over end ahead of him now.  Not that he knew a whole lot about bombs, but the one the wolf threw didn’t appear very sophisticated with wires jutting every which way from the metal casing.  Soaring to within five feet of the device, the Knight shot a strand of webbing at the bomb, knowing that any chance in stopping both threats meant an expert shot here.  The web barely caught the upper edge of the metallic doomsday device, so no, it wasn’t an expert shot, but hey, it worked right?

The Arach-Knight landed on the next roof and dug his heels into the loose gravel underfoot, trying to slow his momentum down.  Then as he finally came to a stop, he stood upon the edge of the building, facing the street, and started to swing the bomb around in giant vertical circles.  This sucker is heavy, which begs the question of where exactly does a werewolf keep a bomb?  Does he have a werewolf pouch, like a fanny pack, to carry all his ne’er do well aids in?  When he had generated enough speed with the twirling bomb, he flung himself into the air behind it like a slingshot.  “Yeehaw!  I feel just like Slim Pickens!”

So far the idea appeared to work as he sped across the city skyline five times faster than he could normally travel.  Passing over the head of the werewolf he shot a wad of webbing towards the beast for good measure.

“Heeeeelllllllpppppp,” the man screamed, only twenty or so yards ahead.  Unfortunately, for the hero, the man was no longer rising into the air, but arcing back down towards very solid earth.  The Arach-Knight webbed the bomb, so that it hung harmlessly from a lightpost and shot another line at the man’s feet.  He got them and yanked hard, but only succeeded in pulling his shoes off.  He grumbled to himself then and shot another line that attached to the guy’s pants.

“These better stay on,” he said and yanked.  The pants did indeed remain on, and he grabbed the guy by the waist, then twisting around and shooting a webline up to slow their momentum towards the ground.  It worked, but not enough as the Arach-Knight twisted himself beneath the man to shield him from the pavement.  They bounced three times along the ground, each skid scraping and tearing at the spider’s back.  If he were lucky, bruising and welts would be the worst he had to worry about.  But this was New York and somehow he imagined some very nasty Tetanus shots in his future.

“You all right?” he asked the guy as they came to a rest.  The guy was panting and weeping and only when he realized the had landed safely did he look up.

“Are you trying to kill me?”

“Hey,” the Arach-Knight retorted.  “Any landing you can walk away from is a good one!”

“This is your fault,” the guy screamed right in his face.

“I just saved you, and that’s your response?”

“Idiot!  He’s here chasing you!  Of course it’s your fault,” the guy yelled as he stood and brushed his pants off.  “You’ll be hearing from my lawyer.”  Having heard enough from the grateful citizen, the Arach-Knight webbed the guy’s mouth shut.

“No on likes a know-it-all,” he admonished and then shot a webline to get himself airborne.  It was time to take the offensive.

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Arach-Knight

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#7  Edited By Arach-Knight

1) Amazing Spider-Man
2) Green Lantern/GL Corps
3) Legion of Superheroes (Can't wait for Adventure Comics)
4) JLA
5) JSA
6) Ultimate Spider-Man
7) The Boys
8) Superman/Action Comics
9) Supergirl
10) Batman/Detective Comics

Really, other than Spidey I pretty much read all DC.  Always wanted to get into the Runaways.  Also, I like the idea of reviews.

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Arach-Knight

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#8  Edited By Arach-Knight

I'll post again in a couple of hours.  Have a few things to take care of first.

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Arach-Knight

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#9  Edited By Arach-Knight

Yeah, just posted

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Arach-Knight

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#10  Edited By Arach-Knight

It was a relatively nice evening out, a few clouds in the sky, and if you squinted just hard enough you could make out what might be a star, or it could be a weather balloon…who could tell these things?  The Arach-Knight was passing this lovely evening, sitting on top of the 2 Precinct with a book he found in an alley last week.  It was one of those Potter books that people went so crazy over, but the Knight wasn’t feeling it.  It probably didn’t help though that it was book three in the series, I mean, who starts on book three?

“Code 87B in progress,” came the metallic squawk of the dispatcher.  It was one of the perks of lounging on a police station; you got the good leads on crimes in progress.  So the Arach-Knight took to the sky and swung his way five blocks over and landed on top of a vending machine.  The metal vibrated softly beneath his feet as the compressor kicked on.  Across the street he spotted the 87B, which in this case turned out to be a wolf, possibly of the were variety, holding on to a bystander.

“Please don’t hurt the children,” they cried.  A passing bus obscured what was said next, with its motor rumbling and breaks squealing.  Then as it passed he caught the end of what the wolf was saying, or growling, you know, however a wolf communicates.

“Now  Arach-Knight will eventually unless he wants you to die.”

Huh?  This thing is looking for me?  Great.  Just bloody great.  With a leap and twist, the Arach-Knight launched himself across the street and landed on an awning to the right of the were-wolf.  He thought for a moment the flimsy tin would fold beneath his weight, but it held.  Gotta love this architecture.

“So, hey there.  Heard you wanted an old chit-chat.  Paddy-whack,” the Arach-Knight said.  “How about you let the nice person go and we can sit down at this great bagel joint over on third.  They let dogs in, so it will be cool if you’re there.”