Do you know much about interdimensional travel? LET ME JUST SAY that it is time consuming, usually disorienting, and probably the fastest route to superhero burnout in existence (with the possible exception of a clone-related identity crisis).

So yr most likely thinking: "Billions of lives depend on me! How can I keep from burning out?" The thing about superhero burnout is that ya gotta take it as seriously as you would any other threat to justice. Burnout makes you sloppy, uncaring (in an apathy way, not a bad ass vigilante way), and if yr on a team, a major liability. BUT FEAR NOT because as usual I'm here to lend a helping hand so you'll be able to identify the warning signs of superhero burnout and make the changes necessary to ensure yr continued role as protector of whatever it is yr protecting or defender of whatever it is yr defending.

In order to understand superhero burnout, first ya gotta familiarize yrself with some of its most common causes. These may include, but are not limited to:

• having yr secret identity revealed
• finding out yr lover is in cahoots with yr arch-enemy
• being killed
• accidentally killing a civilian while locked in battle
• failing to save an innocent/innocents or worse yet a loved one
• sleep deprivation from late night crime fighting
• medical bills because we're not all tony fucking stark. I'm a goddamn social worker! I don't have savings.
• being kidnapped and replaced with an evil alternate dimension version of yrself/clone/demon/shape-shifter/alien or the rare demonically possessed alternate reality shape-shifting clone of a long dead species of alien. (It happens.)
• time travel to a depressing future
  

• not returning from the dead.
• considering becoming evil or actually becoming evil (but not to infiltrate the enemy). It's okay to question yr motives every once in a while. A little self-doubt can keep you goal focused (and reassure you that yr not under anyone's telepathic control) HOWEVER if you get too caught up in that "am i really making a difference?" bullshit yr not going to be of any use to anybody.
• switching superhero names often (Ant Man, Giant Man, Goliath, Yellowjacket, Wasp, etc.)Frequently switching costumes is cool, though. Fashion is kinetic.
• isolating yrself from yr team or sidekick (is there a politically correct term for sidekick? "partner" doesn't feel right and "apprentice" doesn't give the position enough credit.)
• Becoming reckless. When you can lift mountains with yr mind, it's easy to forget that most people are just flesh and bone. Usually protecting the innocent is at least among the top five reasons people become heroes. If it gets to the point where you don't really care who gets hurt then yr no better than the villains yr battling against.

If yr experiencing any of the symptoms listed above you may be experiencing superhero burnout. It's okay, though, because you are not alone and there ARE ways you can battle burnout, including:

• taking a vacation
• brief "retirement" (you'll be back)
• a chance encounter with some nobody (most likely a child or pregnant woman or even a former drug addict) you saved and/or inspired a few years ago
• temporary victory over someone waaay more powerful than you ( Galactus, Apocalypse, etc.)
• an inspiring speech by some member of the team you thought had died but it turns out they didn't (or they did and were somehow resurrected)
• A promotion (to team leader, sorcerer supreme, etc.)
• get a new sidekick. the old one should be dead by now (they'll be back and most likely angry at you for moving on at first but eventually they'll realize you had to in order to save more lives )
• get married to a teammate

I hope you all find this at least somewhat helpful. I wish I was able to take my own damn advice because instead of a vacation I'm headed to Limbo to try and win back Illyana's bloodstone    

Everyone take out yr monthly planners. Good. Now throw them in the garbage because yr gonna need A LOT of free time in the next couple of weeks in order to pick out an appropriate outfit for the riot I'm throwing in Boston because that shitbag city wont recognize March 28 th as "Jean Grey Remembrance Day". Those worthless bureaucrats down at city hall rejected my proposal before I even had a chance to make a case for "Grey Day" (as it will be popularly known)! They were like "Sir, blahblah the x-men aren't real blahblah let go of my arm blahblahBLAHBLAH". This is unforgivable. They acted like I was the one being outlandish! Let's reflect on some of the "holidays" these assholes pimp out annually:


Flag Day: This is a joke, right? It's not! Nobody even knows what month this happens in. And also, WHO CELEBRATES THIS? Even if you wanted to, HOW could you? I feel like yr either the type of person who is into flags or yr not and I'm sorry but most people certainly ARE NOT. Some places don't even have flags, and how do you think they feel being forced to maybe notice this day printed on their calendar? I'm sure it's bad.


Columbus Day: NO FUCKING WAY. NOOOOO FUUUCCCKKIIINNGGG WAAAYYY does this awful little murderer get his own day while the fucking PHOENIX goes unrecognized. We should just rename this "USA LOVES RAPE DAY" because GUESS WHAT AMERICA to imply that he "discovered" the Americas implies that at some point they were lost. Look around you. Did Boston suddenly become Atlantis? No, of course not. ALSO celebrating Columbus Day is basically celebrating terrorism because Columbus showing up is like the Native American 9/11.


Labor Day: Women have been giving birth for LITERALLY decades. There's absolutely nothing special or extraordinary about it and an entire day spent celebrating what I'm told is the excruciating and relentless pain of women is flat out MISOGYNY.


Easter: Why would you celebrate a day that ONLY exists to further the Christian Zombie Agenda? Have you seen Dawn of the Dead (the real one OR the remake)? Zombies are bad news and I'm certainly not paying attention to a bunch of cult members that glorify drinking blood/eating flesh and things returning from the grave. This is even grosser than Columbus Day.

Do what you will with the information I've provided...as long as "what you will" means writing yr local Congressperson and explaining that Jean Grey Remembrance Day NEEDS to be an officially sanctioned state holiday or you are going to join me in a riot at Downtown Crossing.


Thank You for yr time.

   

This year for Halloween I decided to go as The Vulture. I wish I got better pictures of the wings, but whatever. It was wicked fun to make.    

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