Non-Stop Spider-Man #5

I really wanted to like Spider-Man again, I really did. See, Dan Slott's handling of the character just didn't do it for me, and so Spider-Man's big, "game-changing" storylines haven't gotten me as hot and bothered as they have some of the boys out there, regardless of who was doing the writing chores. Kindred? Stupid name, and it wasn't too hard to deduce his identity. I am over the Green Goblin like the world is over Crystal Pepsi; retcon his death, retcon his stupid Gwen kids, retcon, retcon, retcon... he is still static and uninteresting to read. I hoped that Non-Stop Spider-Man was going to be different, cementing Baron Zemo into Spider-Man's rogues gallery and pushing a story that, for two or three issues at least, seemed kind of fun.

Instead, readers got this issue, which, half-way through, traded off Chris Bachalo's art for some jabroni who looks like one of those dudes who drew Stormwatch or some other limp Image team book back in the 90s, and so, the last-page reveal, which would have at least looked incredible had Bachalo drawn it, looked like something my bottom made post-Thai food. Annnnnd that's the cliffhanger. The final issue of this series ends with this turd, and--presumably--Savage Spider-Man on the horizon? Weak.

There is some other reveals in this issue and things that happened throughout the series that could have also done with a bit of resolution, but no. I'm pitching this series into my box of trade bait, and will just keep the Kerry Gammil, Ross Andru, Ron Frenz, Steve Ditko, and John Romita Spider-stories close to my heart instead. Maybe this seems harsh for a three star review, but half of the book was illustrated by Chris Bachalo, and in that front half, there is a cool fight between Spider-Man and Zemo. It just wasn't enough for me to be any more enthusiastic about what came after, and what Marvel promises will come next.