I once remember hearing joe quesada saying if people want gay, poc, and women in comics their going have to accept that they might get hurt, raped or killed or something like that but I've tried looking for it and I can't seem to find it. so did he say something like that or not?

I don't know, but given that Quesada is the moron, who had "One more day" written, because he thinks that married couples only have a limited amount of story-potential, I wouldn't be suprised, if he thought that the only stories that can be written about women, poc and gay characters are stories about rape and discrimination.