CountZero's Heavy Metal Magazine #197811 - Vol. 2, No. 7 review

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    An improvement over the previous issue. Also, Heilman is ending!

    Alright, I'm finally returning to Heavy Metal Magazine, with Volume 2, issue 7 for November of 1978. My earlier recaps of issues were done as blog posts, but henceforth they'll be done as reviews, unless there is any objection.

    Our cover art for this issue, “Helen of Troy” by Marcus Boas, is more work safe then earlier covers, and also is a little more conventional for fantasy art. Also, National Lampoon is advertising the hell out of Animal House. I wonder how much of Animal House's development as a cultural phenomenon was based not only on the film's own quality, but also on how National Lampoon kept pumping out various T-Shirts and other pieces of wearable merch to keep the film in the public eye.

    Letters

    We get another letter bemoaning the general rape/sadism/misogyny tone of the stories in earlier issues, which I generally agree with. That said, when the writer gives a brief inventory of the categories stories in the magazine fall into, he remembers “grimdark apocalypse” and “interstellar sex romp”, he forgets “acid trip”, “light-hearted romp with 'ironically' dark ending”, and “swords & sorcery.”

    As usual, the magazine's response to criticism is to insult the writer and allege that he should get laid. Wow. Stay classy, Heavy Metal.

    Henceforth...

    Good news, we're getting a detective story by Moebius next issue, and with this issue we'll finally be done with Heilman! Yay!

    We get an ad for the debut album from The Cars. I've listened to it, and it's all killer, no filler. Also, You know what I kind of like – print ads for albums. Considering that this is the internet, why don't we have banner ads for albums on web pages, where clicking on the link will take you to the iTunes store or Amazon.com MP3 store, where you can buy the album (or tracks from the album directly). Hell, the same way that movie trailers can be embedded in ads, you could embed music videos in the ads as well. I digress though.

    New Tales of the Arabian Nights: Sindbad in the Land of the Jinn by Richard Corben and Jan Strnad

    Sindbad's caravan is attacked by, basically, Godzilla at night. Being that Sindbad was undressed and about to get into bed with his female companion, one would think (considering Corben's work on Den), we'd get some frontal male nudity here. Well, fortunately (or unfortunately depending on your mindset), we do not. Anyway, the fight itself is something of an anti-climax, as the sorcery maintaining “Godzilla” is lifted, and he is transformed into a shower of ordinary iguanas. Hey, rations – I hear they taste like chicken.

    Anyway, the next day they reach the outskirts of Ketra, the floating city of the Jinn. However, as they try to figure out how to enter, they are attacked by undead warriors on winged steeds. To be continued...

    Exterminator 17 by Enki Bilal and Jean-Pierre Dionnet

    So, the master of the war androids transferred his soul into the title android. Since androids can't be trusted with this task, the “Neo-Puritans” are given the task. Somehow, I suspect the name of that group might be a translation error.

    Meanwhile, Exterminator 17 is hiding in a bar, when he saves a bard from being assaulted by a patron. In the process his identity is revealed, so he must flee. In return for saving him, the Bard, Cleton, helps E-17 find a ship that will carry them off planet. However, the ship is a Genetic Probe ship, from which no passengers disembark. Nonetheless, they board. To be continued...

    Orion: Chapter 8 by Gray Morrow

    Orion and Lamonthas do battle near the magic devices that had sustained Chandra's life, before Orion destroyed them. With a mighty swing, Orion's sword rends the wizard's staff asunder. Orion holds Lamonthas at sword point when, suddenly, Felina and Urza burst in and try to claim their revenge against Lamonthas.

    Unfortunately for our heroes, Lamonthas takes advantage of this opportunity to take cheap shots on the two of them and make a break for it. Orion, however, remains, as Sprite, whose life force was bound to Chandra's, is dying. Chandra, on the other hand, chooses a swifter end, and lets the rebelling Droons finish her off. This is really an “Alas Poor Villain” moment – though I kind of would have preferred having her go down figuratively swinging, instead of going quietly into that good night. Anyway, while Chandra is dead, the battle between the Droons and her soldiers carries on, and then a brazier is turned over, and the castle is set ablaze. To be continued...

    The Diabolical Planet: The Great Trap: The Spatial Adventures of M. White – Pt. 4 by Dennis Sire

    There are games in the Metal Gear Solid series with shorter titles than this! Anyway, this “satirical” sexy space opera continues and the quality of the art for anyone who isn't a naked woman appears to have decreased.

    Anyway, only in a French comic would the fate of the world lie in with a small force not because of time constraints, but due to budget cuts. Anyway, Mona, the series femme fatale, puts the moves on our hero, and is caught by her husband, who then kills himself. To be continued...

    Gail by Philippe Druillet

    The rebellion within the prison continues, while without its walls, mighty space forces mass, from two sides. One from the mad emperor Shaan, and the other the forces of Prince Merennen from the planet Gail. While Merennen knows that no good can come of this, Shann begins the attack and the battle begins. Meanwhile, the Loan Sloane escapes. To be continued...

    We get an ad for a promotional T-Shirt for George Romero's upcoming film, Dawn of the Dead, as well as an announcement that the trilogy will be finished with “Day of the Dead” in 10 years.

    Major Grubert and the Hermetically Sealed Garage of Jerry Cornelius by Moebius

    In what is perhaps this series shortest chapter, Grubert has basically yanked the story out of the hands of Michael Moorcock's creation (Jerry Cornelius). To be fair, Jerry has barely appeared but still, he's in the freaking title, you'd expect him to play a role in the plot. Anyway, Grubert meets his agent (remember him) in a bar,and while the agent tries to give his report, Grubert's traveling companions see... someone and shoot at him, getting him in the head and killing him stone dead. To be continued...

    Galactic Geographic: Explorer Colony 6 by Karl Kofoed

    Basically, Colony 6 is a combination space station and generation ship. I'd describe it to someone slapping a stardrive on one of the space colonies from Mobile Suit Gundam.

    Off-Season by Elisabeth "Zha" Salomon and Nicole Claveloux

    Our psychedelic “detective” story continues. The “sad man” has disappeared, and our heroes investigations appear to get them nowhere. To be continued...

    Empire by Samuel Delany and Howard Chaykin

    This is a selection from the graphic novel. Unfortunately, we're popping into the story right in the middle of things, so we're missing a lot of the setup and earlier character development. Our heroes are looking for fragments of some sort of crystal, and are racing against an evil space empire in a space opera setting that's a little less clean in parts than Star Wars.

    Heilman: Epilogue by Alain Voss

    Thank God this crap is finally ending. One of Heilman's groupies offs himself at his tomb, and gets his body possessed and reanimated by Heilman, and uses this new body to (*sigh*) start his career anew.

    (*takes a breath*)

    Oh for fuck's sake! Why? Why continue this bullshit? Why set up a god-damned sequel with your dumb-ass Nazi nutcase. They say this is the end, and it better be. If Heilman returns, I'll be pissed.

    So Beautiful, So Dangerous Pt. 2 by Angus McKie

    This is a much slower burn then the version in the film. Anyway, the ship takes on significantly more passengers then they do in the film. Where in Heavy Metal, the movie, the ship grabs the hot chick from the meeting in part one, instead they land, and accept many passengers from all walks of life. The crew is also significantly more numerous and competent then the crew from the film. In the film the crew was a pair of coke-heads, here they are about 7 people (a couple of whom appear in the film), and they know what they're doing. There has to be another shoe.

    Anyway, we wrap up this issue with ads on, I kid you not, books on how to pick up girls, and I'm pretty sure this pre-dates modern pick-up artists. Somehow, I'd question the value of a book on picking up girls from this magazine – particularly considering the remarks of the editorial staff.

    Anyway, this issue is a significant improvement over last issue, particularly considering this issue's installments of Orion and Sindbad. Exterminator 17 has also caught my interest, and the rest of the magazine should be (*knock on wood*) 100% Heilman free!

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