A Night to Remember (closed RP)

@backstabber Im changing his name to the Double Crosser.

It came during the night. A streak of light that hovered over a certain area and then spontaneously jettisoned to away to another location. No American craft could maneuver like this sighting did, and thus it came from outer space. A visitor from another planet, maybe another galaxy seeking something that no one would understand.

It was a common trope that many would experience. It would lead to many calls to the police. Some would shoot their guns in the sky and some would even shoot their firecrackers at the coming of the new day. Either way, panic would begin to arise. Some hunkering down in their homes. Others running in panic.

The white haired stud would have none of that. His American machismo just oozing of greatness, figuring the running was getting to the bar before it closed. Rookies! he uttered aloud, shaking his head in disbelief. The fact that he no longer had any forms of payment made it even easier not to run with the masses.

There was a scream in the distance. Everyone hearing it and steering the masses away from the holler like steer on the range. His neck would swivel, the sudden change in direction making him feel the urge to vomit hit the tip of his tongue, but like the master of inebriation he was he would not succumb to its effects. His lips would smack, tasting the mix of gin and mozzarella sticks as an odd mix with pistachio shells. He thought he had evacuated much of the shells. It was bet and he was always down for a free drink.

Hey! Watch where you are going, the crimson stud muffin uttered aloud as he felt another person bump into him in the race for safety. Its illegal to be doing what you are doing, he yelled. I would call the police if I wasnt intoxicated.

The masses would not listen as many continued to race by the Double Crosser, leaving him still shake his head at the uneducated. The bars dont close until two in this town. he would yell to no avail as many more screamed and ran, looking like freshmen in college, not ready for the keggers. He turned looking for the closest bar, wanting to open a tab and then slip out as he used the bathroom when something caught his attention from the corner of his eye.

Wait! the Double Crosser screamed, jumping with olympic level reflexes as he attached his superior grip to the leg of a fleeting woman. Your Lynda Carter. Im your biggest fan. Dont run. Ive sent you many of letters in the mail with me only receiving a restraining order. Your better than this.

The Double Crosser would feel her mighty blow straight to his nose, causing his nose to erupt in blood on the pavement as he loosened his grip. He would have dodged any other blow but it was Lynda Carter. Wonder Woman the only female skilled enough to land such a devastating blow, even if he would never admit it publicly.

Something was afoul in this town, and it wasnt the shart he let rip when he thought no one was looking. For Wonder Woman to be running away from something, was hard to believe. The Double Crosser remained thinking on the ground as he waited for his bulge to subside as the image of Wonder Woman's superior form bouncing and swaying as she did faded from his memory. Once it did, he bounced back to his feet, still entering the bar he had planned but this time thinking of an alternative to the mob.

Double Crosser's entrance would be met with silent looks as many cowered to their own corners. Did his deodorant run out already, he asked himself as he could see more lights in the distance. The television displayed many accounts on news outlets, Double Crosser hoping he would be watching the late night west coast game instead. Due to his gracious upbringing, the Double Crosser merely opened up another liqour tab, looking for possible ways out without paying as Bonnie Tyler's 'I need a hero' played softly under the news coverage,

I need a hero, I'm holding out for a hero

'Til the end of the night

He's gotta be strong

And he's gotta be fast

And he's gotta be fresh from the fight

@the_beedee:

Tonight was the night, tonight was the night Jason was going to get paid. For tonight was one of those rare days that he was going to for-fill a contract. It seemed there was some woman complaining about a neighbors dog, and for four hundred dollars, he was going to put it to sleep. With great pride he slipped into his Backstabber attire, wrestling with it as he pulls it over his gut, while eagerly anticipating the kill. But as he sits and waits for the sun to go down, as always he plops down in front of his out dated TV, for some personal time. Knocking over some old beer cans he reaches for the remote and with a push of a button the TV begins to warm up. One minute later a picture appears and it is some local news guy reporting on the spot in some random location. “Once again” the reporter says with a concerned voice “People have seen sights of an Unidentified Flying Object hovering over our fair city, then as quickly as it appears, it flies away!” With no care or concern for the news, unless they are talking about him, Jason quickly changes the channel remarking, “Bunch of freaks getting high, that’s what it is. No respect on how to hit a bowl.” Then after a quick scratching of his @ss he finishes. “It’s all a bunch of lies, like that so called ‘Double Crosser’ character all the news folks are talking about!” The next channel, however, immediately peaked his interest, especially after hearing the name Lynda Carter, but quickly lost interest after realizing it too was the news and was covering a story of some mentally disturbed individual trying to molest her.

Immediately, his mind begins to wander, as his eyes roll upwards, and for the next few minutes he fantasized over Lynda, dressed in her iconic Wonder Woman attire. As always he gets aroused while mumbling “Spin around baby, Spin around for me!” as he prepared to fondle himself. However in order to make the moment memorable, with a full erection poking out of his red tights, he waddles his way to the bathroom to get some hand lotion. Suddenly, he is startled as a bright glowing green light flashes outside his window, and immediately screams “Oh crap the cops have found me!” only to realize that the police only use red and blue lights. Caught in a conundrum, he curses while choosing between investigating and pleasuring himself, only to have the problems solved as every car alarm in the lot went off at the same time. “What the Hell??” Jason yelled as he tugged at his pants to make room for his erection, “Nobody better be stealing my car!!” Fueled with rage, he grabs his gear and nearly brakes down his rotten door on his way to get out, he steps outside to a smorgasbord of flashing lights. Far above him, hovering in the sky, was a penis shaped ship complete with two engines that looked like balls. Immediately Jason laughed while bellowing, “Haw Haw Haw, It looks like a big...” but before he could finish his sentence, everything changed. The car alarms went dead silent and every dog in the neighbor hood barked in unison. Then a thin shining light shot down from the space ship above, right where Jason was standing, that like a tractor beam, began pulling him up higher and higher up into the sky. The feeling was so euphoric that he creamed in his pants, and just before he passed out he uttered the word “Winning!!!!!”

@backstabber:

Double Crosser could feel the eyes still digging into his presence. Time had revealed to be two drinks too many without actually paying. Fortunately he was a master of subversion. Ah man. I need to water the hose. Ill be right back.

The plan was working exactly like he planned as the amount of drinks caused him to wobble so slightly as the room began to spin. When he came around after a few heaves over the toilet, he was definite that his plan of escape would come back to him. It always had, outside of the times he was bounced from the bar. It was then the glass front lit up with a massive surge of power which blinded everyone. Luckily, Double Crosser had the ability to crawl over spaces without seeing as he had missed many payments to past electric bills.

The door opened, the hot humid air rushing in over the air conditioned inside. There was a small grumble, as four armored figures walked in, each with staff which lit up at the end. Obviously there was some tiki party he missed, but that was okay since he barely remembered yesterday.. Their presence was on par with his own, all the attention clearly on the newcomers. It was the perfect distraction he needed to escape payment.

He began to crawl toward the door, stopping ever so often every time the armored aliens looked his way. It was then the four aliens made a clearing for another, her long cape trailing her entrance as her armor revealed flat abs and blonde hair as if she was made for a Sports Illustrated Swim Suit edition. I am Duchess Amora Khan. Sector General of the 5th Regiment. Advisor to the Commander of the Fleet and... she stammered as she felt something beneath her. What in the world are you doing, Earthling?

Double Crosser stopped his tongue from continuing to lick her golden boot. You talking to me? Double Crosser asked, making sure her boot revealed his reflection.

I am talking to you. It is punishable by death to handle a ranking official of the...she stopped once more. What are you doing?

Im admiring your figure. He said with a smile. The moment you walked in here I could sense you checking me out. Its ok, many woman do, but you have something special. You got those hips. Dang you got hips. They could easily place a few more pounds on you with them.

Rage filled her eyes as the four guards eventually removed Double Crosser from her lower leg. The Duchess spoke once more, We seek to rule....

Everything next out of the Duchess mouth just went blah, blah, blah. She wanted him. He knew it. She was just waiting for the exact time.

...We will take you all.

It was then Double Crosser escaped the grasp, clinging once more to the Duchess leg. Forget these losers. Just take me. Im more than man enough represent the best of America.

The Duchess fury locked onto Double Crosser once more and with a head nod he would agree with his terms. You are a brave hero. You will be experimented with no mercy.

Double Crosser smiled, Just the way I like it. He uttered aloud as the he was dragged outside without paying his bill with wild woman looking to touch every part of his body. That loser Backstabber would never hear the end of this when he told him. He felt the light surround him, It possessed a heaviness to it as the group was lifted off into their space ship. ....Winning!

@the_beedee:

Jason woke to a pleasurable experience, the taste of a soft subtle tongue licking his face. It was just the right amount of pressure and texture to get him in the mood. In fact the sweet caress was far better than he had ever paid for, and as such he turned his head just enough to embrace the touch in his mouth. “Baby I don’t know who you are but I love ya!” It was then he opened his eyes to see him in a full on lip lock with a 700 pound Guernsey cow, giving him a very special wink. Immediately, he pulled back, running away like a crab while gagging and spitting all the way. In fact he ran back so far that upon reaching the far wall, he continued to no avail to climb up it and to the ceiling. “Oh god no.” he said while scraping his tongue with his fingers, “That did not just happen!!!” Slowly, he began to realize he was no longer home, or in fact any place he could recognize as he looked around and saw nothing but dozens of cows herded in one gigantic room. The walls were made of some steel material that gave off heat, while a light above seemed to just be there with no external source. The best part, was that the room gave off a pleasurable calming feeling, that made Jason look back at the one cow thinking, “Maybe I should give her my number.”

Suddenly his romantic disillusion came to an abrupt halt as he realized he was ankle deep in manure. For with cows comes crap and with that many, came that much crap. Already his boots were brown as well as the lower half of his trade mark red suit, with globs of it dripping from his hands. Unable to deal with the smell he let out a stream of vomit that shot forth like a sprinkler, that did nothing but add to the smell of the room. Shortly there after that one special cow stepped forward and proceeded to eat the projectile. ”Ugh disgusting!” Outraged Jason quickly drew one of his sharper blades and with one swipe cut clean through the cows neck, unleashing a crimson wave of blood that miraculously washed away the majority of fecal matter. “Well at least my suit is already red” he boasted, “once again, Winning!” Suddenly a blue light shined above that beamed down as a scanner, that swept the room in a survey, from the far side of the room, up to where he was cowering next to a dead cow. Along the way, an overhead voice sounding much like a female file clerk spoke up saying, “clean clean clean” as it passed over every cow. But at the moment it crossed over the Backstabber, the voice changed to an aggravated male, yelling out “Inferior!” to the top of his lungs!

By now Jason was getting upset and in a frantic state of mind he looked for an exit. But with every wall looking the same, it was a problem. Suddenly a small yellow frame, the size of a door, appeared on one of the walls, and in less than a second that space of the wall disappeared. On the other side of it stood two frumpy green men wearing aprons looking humanoid except for their skin color and the way they spoke. “Brazza nema tor rolly” said one to the other. [Translated - I hate this part of the job.] “Gizz rama loop staaa zeppo fra kame lippa” [Translated - once we get rid of the infected species we can get back to drinking.] Before Jason knew it the two space janitors grabbed him by the arms and proceeded to lead him to the air lock. But along the way the second janitor remarked to the first, “Tees rumo liip fre macka dipeldi (pauses) unda mipeel re tarek!” [Translated – this one looks like the worst I have ever seen (pause) and smells it too.] But in Jason’s mind he could not comprehend his ill fitted fate, but instead naturally assumed he had been abducted to rule some far off alien planet. There for with great pride he begins to take his role as addressing the alien janitors as his people, “Thank you my most awesomeness of people for choosing me as your leader and I shall rule you as most awesomely as I can!” In response the two janitors looked at each other with the first one remarking to the other, “Mimmmic nopal frtzxzt pa!” [Translated – maybe we should just kill this one now!]

@backstabber:

Double Crosser remained bored, his hands cupping each other as he rested his head back upon his grip. The wait was long, making him think hospitality was lacking from wherever they came from. He could be doing much better things as it was his onlyfans night yet he remained floating alone in the dark. It was then he could feel the gravity turn back as his athletic backside took the brunt of the fall. The collision would have bruised on any other man, but he was the Double Crosser and it took many squats to get that type of firmness he possessed.

His hands roamed the room in the pitch dark, hoping for his hands to come across something soft yet firm, hopefully in at least a C-cup, but all he felt was the warm walls of the steel ship. It was then he felt an opening, enough to squeeze through which led into an apparent hallway. It was then he could see int he distance a spark of light reveal itself. Apparently someone else knew it was Onlyfans night and needed to be alone to watch it. Rookies, he scoffed.

The light led him to another room hoping to see some new stuff without the viewer watching. It was creepy in concept, but it gave the Double Crosser plausible deniability as it was no longer on his search history. Instead, he found a lone man swallowed in a light pillar with him not saying anything. A swift kick to his backside dislodged the man from the pillar immersing the Double Crosser in the light beam alone.

Knowing his time to shine, Double Crosser quickly flexed his immense biceps like the show he knew to be, letting out his best Rick Flair call. Hey suckas! I came to party and yet you people have not shown any since the blonde made a move on me. Its my Onlyfans night so I had other plans before I got invited to this lame party.

It was then the room filled with light, Double Crosser guarding his eyes temporarily until the room came to focus. a door appeared out of nowhere, as more guards came into the room armed with laser sticks pointing at them. It was then a blonde woman with possible 33CC or 34D walked in.

Its about time, Double Crosser smiled, as he loosened his buckle preparing to drop his pants.

I am Queen Mifiska, the blonde said aloud. Ruler of the Anoll Empire. I....

Double Crosser face blinked in disbelief but wanted a moment of clarity. Excuse the interruption as I know my hour hasnt begun yet, but when you say anal empire are you are receiving the best of American muscle, right?

The Queen's face was in disbelief as much as Double Crosser's, even though the Queen like any other high ranking official of the Anoll Empire could adapt and speak any language it had invaded. It is why you were brought up here.

Double was relieved, his heart skipping a few beats. I just had to make sure, he said as his pants were now down by his ankles.

We seek information fist, the Queen insisted, her eyes wondering what the Double Crosser was doing. She was not use to Earth customs and the Anoll Empire needed to know what was beneficial to the Empire before its destruction.

The Double Crosser disappointed about being teased, lifted his pants back up, but did not buckle his belt incase the Queen changed her mind. So what do you want to know? Double Crosser went on for hours speaking of tales of him and random women, sometimes multiple, telling the tales of his awesomeness. Some tales crossed with movies as he told the time he was stranded on an island theme park with dinosaurs to the time where he recovered American POWs from a past regime yet wisely leaving out any time he rebelled an alien invasion on July 4th. How he missed those days.

The Queen merely raised her hand in boredom, not wanting to hear anymore of Earthly chatter. Her blue eyes locked on to his as his pants once again fell to his ankles not listening to anything she had to say as she commanded her guards to bring the Backstabber to her.

@the_beedee:

Mere inches away from being tossed out of an airlock, Jason was still oblivious to his situation. In his head he was still ‘Winning!’ But just as one of the janitors was joking to the other how dumb the Backstabber was and how eager he was to dump him into the vastness of space, Jason let one rip that smelled worse than the cow dwelling he had just been removed from. Immediately, the two janitors gagged, as one remarked “Vigtid tas rou Butit” [Translated – That’s it this creature is dead] when suddenly, from an over head com-system, the command “Bring the human species known as the Backstabber to the Queen’s Chamber, Immediately!” blared out. Once again the two janitors were befuddled, as they knew that the subhuman creature before them was the so called Backstabber, but could not believe, or understand, that their Queen would want someone like him in the royal chamber. Therefore with a confused nature they quickly re-verified the order. Seconds later, after the orders were confirmed, one of the janitors remarked to the other. “Sib subtuss” [Translated – She must be hungry!] after which they both laughed with a diabolical tone. Together, they led Jason to the nearest teleportation device, while joking about what part of him they would eat first, but as soon as he was placed inside and teleported away, they continued to joke, “he’ll probably give the Queen indigestion!”

Minutes later, Jason was manhandled into the Queen’s Chamber, by two massively big guards, twice his size, then tossed to the floor before the Queen’s feet. Immediately, Jason moved to jump up, when he couldn’t help but notice that with the Queen sitting on her thrown, he had the perfect view to look up her dress. For what seemed like an eternity he stared at her under garments, until she ever so rudely cleared her throat to gain his attention. “One more second there babe” he said while wiping away some drool, “I’ll be with you soon!” But just then as he looked up for a second, his eyes locked on to her massive 34D breasts and immediately blurred out the words, “OH MAMA!” Clearly disgusted, Queen Mifiska crosses her legs and to the best of her abilities tried to capture the attention of Double Crosser and the Backstabber. “Now that I have you men together, I shall now explain the real reason why I brought you here.” At this point Jason was still fixating on the Queen’s breast, unaware that the Double Crosser was in the room, even as the Queen goes on. “I wish to marry one of you, and make you my King!” But the fact was, back on her home planet, on a neighboring planet was a warlord named King Delldow, lord of the Viperatores, with plans to marry her himself. For with their marriage their two kingdoms would unite and take over the universe. The problem was Queen Mifiska wanted to take over the universe herself and with a husband there would be no legal way she could marry him

Therefore, by careful consideration, she searched the galaxy looking for the most weak-willed, unintelligent, easiest to manipulate male that she could find, that still might be able to take on Lord Delldow in a fight if he so chooses, to play the roll of King while she still had the power and throughout the multiple universes, the only two she found were that of the Backstabber and the Double Crosser! In a brief moment of clarity, Jason snap to reality at the mention of the word ‘King’ upon which he shouted, “Babe, I’m your Man!” then turned his attention towards his rival. “Come on look at this jerk with his red suit, slicked back hair and silly goggles, only a Jerk Face Jerk would ever dress like that!” But as he couldn’t hold on to a thought for more than a minute, his mind already drifted off to other topics. Turning back to the Queen he asks, “And why in God’s namedo you aliens alwaysdo anal probes and kidnap cows. Not that I’m complaining about the whole cow thing, but I think if you’re handing out anal probes, I think he (points to the Double Crosser) would like to go first, second and third!!” With that said the Queen smiled a crooked grin, almost hiding a secret as she answered. “We do NOT do the anal probing, that is done by my enemy Lord Dilldow, and as for Cows, (she rises from her thrown with admiration) they are your planets greatest creatures. They provide both meat and milk, and more impressively have four separate stomachs!” At that exact moment far far from underneath her human like skin her four ink chambers rumbled in unison, while her two stomachs growled over the site of the two...tasty...humans.

@backstabber:

There was little time as Double Crosser appeared next to the Queen, her eyes almost in shock at his closeness. You are absolutely are correct. Cows are great. You know what isn't? He asked, gesturing a nod to Backstabber. The guy is lame. Take his name. Backstabber, pfft. Who names themselves that? Its more something this Lord Dilldow would appreciate, Double Crosser said with a wink.

Double Crosser remained staring, waiting for the Queen to fall into the clutches of his awesome stare. After an awkward few seconds, he realized that the Queen must have had some form of alien mental defenses, obviously blocking his awesome machismo. With the revelation, Double Crosser went to what he did so well - bash the Backstabber. This guy here is past his prime. He obviously takes the blue pill out of necessity, where I only take it to get that four hour side effect. No one would believe that this guy would be deserving of such a fine being as yourself.

Double Crosser would ease off the Queen ever so slightly, attempting to get rid of the zero so she could deal with the true hero. Look, if you want a catch than look no further than American muscle in your presence. It sounds like you want a sham wedding. If so, Im your man. We will look good across the universe with you at my side and when we get rid of the bozo, we can arrange the prenup evenly. This way you get what you want and I get what I didnt have before. Its a win, win.

@the_beedee:

As usual Jason thought only of himself. Despite the fact he was now on an alien ship miles away from home and next to the only guy as awesomeness as him, his thoughts always centered back to, “Now how can I get a cold beer and a hot burger?” However, the thought of banging the alluring Queen did resonate a spark in his mind. He was not to keen on the idea of marriage, but to be King and rule over a kingdom, now that was a major role he deserved! But just before he was about to tell the queen how good he was in the sack, his arch enemy the Double Crosser spoke up. Attacking him on every front, he questioned Jason’s name, age, erectile dysfunction and all over awesomeness! In what could only be described as a fit of epic proportion, Jason threw down the proverbial gauntlet and proceeded to shout back. Beginning by shaking his finger back and forth through the air like a stereotypical minority woman he yells “Oh Hell No Jerk Face! I ain’t old, I’m…...mature! And second of all Backstabber is an awesome name that invokes fear! Not like Double Crosser which sounds like a drink they serve at a gay bar!” he pauses only to catch his breath, then continues somewhat defensively“...not that I go to them. I freaken hate those Pinko’s!”But none of that enraged Jason as much as when Double Crosser joked about the blue pill, for no one questions or challenges Backstabber’s mojo, especially when it comes to the bed room!

With a face redder than his suit, he grabs his junk with both hands and proceeds to gyrate back and forth. “And when you’re packing eight inches like ME, you don’t need no blue pills. I am all that is male!” He then turns to the Queen as he boasts, “Babe I’m the stuff legends are made from, in fact I once went six hours with two ladies stopping only for pee breaks and a sports drin..” He immediately, stops in mid sentence as a confused look covers his face, then abruptly turns back to his arch-nemesis. “Wait, you were talking about mister happy pill, not that shirt from the Matrix, right? Cause I don’t mess with that shirt, that’s when the Government comes after you!” Immediately, the Queen’s guards begin to chuckle as even the Queen snickers under her breath. But once again Jason goes into a rant about how the Matrix is real and how anyone who knows about it will be hunted down by the ‘Men in Black!’ In the end he finishes with a resounding “Not that I know anything about it,” as he looks around the room to see if anyone is questioning or reporting his comments to a higher source!

Disgusted by the whole affair, the Queen rises from her throne and addressed the room. “Enough of that! We have more important issues to discuss!” Now specifically speaking to her two suitors she goes on. “If either of you two (she snickers again) …..men, wish to be my suitor you must pass five tests, each one more demanding than the next.” In truth they were meant to see how easily they could be manipulated, but for now the Queen continued to stroke their ego. “The first will be a test of intelligence, to see how you would rule as my King and Lord over our people!” She then claps her hands together and immediately her guards began to forcefully guide The Backstabber and Double Crosser out of the Queen’s chambers by the tips of there spears, out through the hallway and into another chamber. All the while Jason shouting back to them, “Hey watch it with those things. I’m your freaken future King!” In the end they walk into a dimly lit room with two spotlights shining down upon two podiums, labeled Backstabber and Double Crosser. Above them sitting high atop a futuristic thrown were five men dressed in an official attire. The rest of the room was filled with balconies filled with spectators, that immediately oohed and awed as the two walked in. It was clear that the Backstabber and Double Crosser were there to be questioned, but with no idea what type of questions would be asked. Still Jason made it a point to forcefully enter the room before the Double Crosser could, in the hopes of proving his superior dominance. Whether he did or did not he still made it to his podium with his head up high and even mocked his arch-nemesis “Good luck Jerk Face, cause you’re gonna need it! I’ve watched dozens of dirty teacher movies, so I um, uh...” but unfortunately he was not clever enough to finish his sentence!