Would you be ok with your SO spending more time with their "friend" then you?

Say you have a gf and she has a guy friend that shes always with, you guys hangout but she hangs out more with the guy friend, how would you guys react, and for ladies vice versa.

Tell them to get a room.

Unless their friend is gay, that’s not a good sign.

Little bit of a red flag tbh

We're gonna have to talk about that.

Honestly, if I had a girlfriend I could live with that.

Context is so important. My best friend is a guy, we've shared a bed/tent/sofa so many times and some partners have felt threatened. But we're not flirty in any way, it isn't like that. Our dynamic is almost like two guy friends, really. He's like my brother. So I wouldn't be hypocritical and say my fella can't have the same kind of thing with someone. That said, I would probably be jealous from time to time. But that's on me, it's not their problem. That would be something I deal with myself.

That said, I've also dated people who were quite inappropriate with girl "friends", in the more suspicious sense. Suppose it depends on the trust you have in your relationships, and what the people involved are like. Like exes have driven me half crazy pulling that crap, but I wouldn't doubt my current partner and would trust him to spend time with anyone and not do anything crappy.

^this x 1000000

She's obviously cheating.

I wouldn't say obviously, but the chance of things getting overly friendly, or him waiting for JUST that right time to "comfort" her if y'all have had a fight is allll to real.

She's spending more time with the guy than she's spending with you.

Odds are if she's spending more time with a dude other than you, it's not going to end well.

There’s really nothing you can do in this situation. Relationships are built on trust, and if you don’t trust the person you’re with, it’s doomed from the start. Besides, what would you do? Forbid her from seeing the friend? Ask her to stop hanging out with someone she enjoys spending time with? Acting insecure or jealous isn’t going to help your situation. If she wasn’t going to cheat on you before, acting like that could potentially drive her into the other man’s arms.

At the end of the day, if you don't trust the person you are with, you shouldn't be with them.

But as BumpyBoo has stated above, "context is so important". Your significant other should be your best friend. It's human nature to get jealous from time to time, but you should trust each other. Lack of trust leads to resentment. And resentment lead to a strain on the relationship.

I don't know all the details, but I wish you the best of luck.

@bumpyboo:

That's what you think. You don't know what he thinks.

I think some people are missing that in this case your SO is spending more time with this friend than with you. Spending time itself should be okay, but if they choose to spend most of their free time with this friend then something is definitely wrong.

@maverickmaster:

Learn to talk emotions. Learn to listen to her. Take an interest in her shit. Give her heaps of massages. Improve yourself. Be a better you.

See what happens.

@spareheadone: its not about me lol im single, i just wanted everybody's opinion

@bumpyboo I agree with the crux of what you're saying, but I think the OP isn't asking if your SO had a best friend of the opposite gender, but if your SO spent more time with that person than you. I suppose it varies with every couple how often you want to be with your SO, but it wouldn't sit right with me, personally. Although you're not wrong, if you really trust your partner, it shouldn't matter either way.

I like three-ways so...

@otsdarva999 said:

This....

And this....

To add to that, it's all about balance. If one trusts their significant other to hang out with their friend, cool. But, I would think that he or she would have balance the time they spend with their friend and the time they spend with with their significant other. If they are seeing their friend more than their sig, things could be called into question about it.

Break up, duh doi.

@maverickmaster:

"A friend you know" got it ; )

Still good advice.

Not ok.

It's a red flag so trust them but be prepared for the worst I guess

No

Someone can't honestly believe this with a straight face; this is almost like saying that a man is a bit off if he had a pet lion or bear but took precautions for his own protection out of an abundance of caution; the described situation is usually a very clear set up and I doubt that even a small fraction of women aren't cheating in these situations; it's very clear that a boundary should be drawn in said circumstances. It's not simply a case of her hanging out with her friends from time to time, she's literally spending more time with this guy and she's essentially made you secondary and subordinate with him.

This described situation is what caused a breakup between myself and my fiancee back in 1997; and guess what? Literally within hours of her calling off our relation, she was already with another guy and she would place herself in clear view of me in places like the cafeteria, until I made it ever more difficult for something like that to happen; although this guy wasn't the one that I had suspected, as, honestly, I'd never really seen him before, the things is is that she was with him and it was as if they knew each other for quite some time prior; the other guy was probably some type of guise for this gateway to occur.

And, sure, if the breakup happens, she probably wouldn't hesitate to fall right into his arms; something tells me to you're probably often the beneficiary of said circumstances so you advocate it, even though it's a very clear and obvious red flag to anyone with commonsense.

But, essentially, the sensible thing to do would be to iron out situations like these before you let things become too serious; it would appear that the two peoples' temperament were not conducive, so, unless either one is willing to chance their approach to things, it would probably be best to remain something like friend, probably distant friends, so that she can just slowly phases out of what you consider important; it's just bringing unnecessary grief and complications.

And such a thing would not be about displaying trust at all; it would just be displaying stupidity coupled with naivety, although naivety can be about trust, just trust that people take advantage of (e.g. and my trust can be this way at times, so God has to take care of me for my own good, as my life has shown me recently); but, of course, it's also something that's in the eye of the beholder (e.g. someone who's ok with open relationships; except that's not typical and nor should it be typical; it just invites sin and shows someone willing to mingle in sin).

This. Anybody who thinks otherwise doesn't get the point of a relationship. If she/he is regularly spending more time with him/her than you, thats a fundamental issue with the relationship.

@dshipp17:

That analogy in the first paragraph is a bit off. Once things have reached this point where she enjoys spending more time with others than you, what is your precaution going to be? Demand she stop spending time with people? Things got to that point because of some failing on your part or just a natural disconnection between the both of you.

Again, just it being a “red flag” doesn’t mean you have a reasonable solution. What will you do? Become insecure and jealous about every man she spends time with? Limit her to only having female friends? Lol. Pray tell, how will you “iron” this out?

Either you two have a connection or you don’t. If you don’t, you can break up. That’s always an option. Trust =/= stupidity. My response was more geared towards men in general who tend to become incredibly insecure and possessive when a woman spends time with other guy friends and behaving in that way is often a major turnoff for women. There does need to be a balance, but based on your story, your fiancé wasn’t even cheating on you with the guy you suspected she was spending so much time with; it was another guy. I can’t say much about your relationship or why she left as I don’t know enough about that obviously.

“someone who's ok with open relationships; except that's not typical and nor should it be typical; it just invites sin and shows someone willing to mingle in sin).” Your religious views are noted lol.

And, a funny thing to mention, now that I thought about it, today or around about this time extending into a month ago or Valentine's Day, this would actually be the 21st anniversary of her breakup with me for pointing it out.

"Once things have reached this point where she enjoys spending more time with others than you, what is your precaution going to be? Demand she stop spending time with people? "

Well, the thing is is that this isn't the described situation; she's not hanging out with him because she enjoys spending more time with others, she just simply has a preference to spend more time with some other guy and has relegated the guy into a secondary character to him; that's a big difference by a mile; sure, she can enjoy herself and spend time with others; it makes things feel extra special when we spend our time together; and no, I wouldn't do something like demand that she stopped spending time with others; that would be unreasonable and unfair to her, and wouldn't work under almost any circumstances when it's involving an adult woman; that would slowly kill her happiness; I want her to be happy and my love for her would be to do everything that I could to contribute to her happiness and I'd want her to be euphoric, especially during sex (e.g. love eating her out with no problem at all). And, in my situation, it wasn't about enjoying spending more time with others, it was something else; perhaps related; perhaps she enjoyed talking about me to others or something along those lines.

"Things got to that point because of some failing on your part or just a natural disconnection between the both of you."

Well, you made this conclusion by twisting my words for your own benefit about a position that was virtually hopeless for you to take in most sensible relationships involving romance, it's obvious; actually, to my amazement, after talking to my sister, who's much better at interpersonal dynamics than me, it appears that the change occurred when she asked me to have a baby and I told her that we should wait (e.g. until we graduated and after our marriage; moments before that, we were simulating sex with one another); and my sister or even my sisters and my mother picked up on it right away; and, after they helped me out, I did think back to notice that the trouble started days after I refused (e.g. I did actually consider it was a possible factor much earlier and throughout time, but my sister reassured me that it was much more of a major variable in the equation that I thought and something that (I would have been happy to correct); while I could never figure it out on my own, as I thought that it was probably giving me more credit than I thought myself worthy, they picked it up in a split second; or, it was something largely involving that; and she could have been accepting me for me, warts and all, but this ended up being the straw to broke the camel's back, as that saying goes; and, I did notice that we broke up within a month of my refusal to have a child with her at the time, until circumstances seemed better; I'm actually more flattered and ashamed of myself more than anything else, if this was the determining factor, after all. And, also, to what you believed to be a point, we were actually going in the opposite direction of what you're suggesting and we were gaining even more of a natural connection, as our engagement was recent (e.g. we'd only been together for about 9 months into a year)

"Become insecure and jealous about every man she spends time with? Limit her to only having female friends? Lol. Pray tell, how will you “iron” this out?"

Again, this would have to be a rhetorical question, as it's simply not the described situation, although it might have been closer to my described situation than the described situation; part of the ironing out might have to be some reassurances for me in these situations by her, often, until I eventually got used to it and stopped getting worked up emotionally about it; it could happen; but, going back to the point, this would be miles away from her making me into a secondary figure in her life to some other man and far worse still, many other men; you honestly can't see that? I think you can, you're just twisting the subject to save face in a virtually indefensibly position that you're trying to defend. And, yes, I would feel a lot more comfortable if she made me sort of secondary to a female friend or female friends; it;'s a happy medium and I want her happy; if she's bi, not a problem much at all for me.

"Trust =/= stupidity."

First, you twist my words, and, than stupidly equal trust? Didn't I say stupidity and naivety with more of an emphases on naivety and as being a form of trust?

"My response was more geared towards men in general who tend to become incredibly insecure and possessive when a woman spends time with other guy friends and behaving in that way is often a major turnoff for women."

Well, if so, than you're way off in any point you were trying to get across outside of someone being foolish in said situation; noticing that she's made you secondary to another man has nothing to do with any of this.

@dshipp17:

“Well, the thing is is that this isn't the described situation; s”

The OP has a very broad topic, leaving a lot of room to discuss related topics. There’s a guy she’s spending time with other than you. How much time, reasons for spending more time with, etc. are all left open ended. Don’t be sensitive. No one is twisting your words. You provided information about yourself that I didn’t ask for, and I got into that. And I’m speaking very generally since the topic is broad.

“she's just simply has a preference to spend more time with some other guy” The OP doesn’t specify this either. Perhaps it’s not a preference, maybe they happen to have similar hobbies that you can’t or won’t share with your SO? That gets into why situations like this occur. I wasn’t attacking you when I said there’s a “failing” on your part. These types of things are more likely to happen when there’s a fundamental gap between what both sides want or expect out of a relationship.

“First, you twist my words, and, than stupidly equal trust? Didn't I say stupidity and naivety with more of an emphases on naivety and as being a form of trust?”

Don’t be dramatic...

“Well, if so, than you're way off in any point you were trying to get across outside of someone being foolish in said situation; noticing that she's made you secondary to another man has nothing to do with any of this.”

“this would be miles away from her making me into a secondary figure in her life to some other man and far worse still, many other men”

Your take on the thread isn’t the “described” situation either and you’re interjecting your past into it which is fine. The topic is incredibly broad allowing for related tangents. The situation is S.O. spending more time with someone else; not necessarily making you secondary or less important. Well how much more time is she spending with him compared to you? 51%? 90%? These were not elaborated on by the OP, nor the reasons for why she is spending said time. So all can be discussed reasonably. These reasons are a factor in whether you are “foolish” in a situation such as this and I’m not advocating ignoring signs. You’re obviously still hung up on your past. That’s cool. Whateves. Even you know, based on that rant I didn’t really care for in the first place, that your situation wasn’t a simple she’s spending time with some other guy; it was based on the incompatibility of you both and decision about babies or some shit...

“And, yes, I would feel a lot more comfortable if she made me sort of secondary to a female friend or female friends; it;'s a happy medium and I want her happy; if she's bi, not a problem much at all for me.”

Lol. So her spending more time with others isn’t the issue with you, just men eh? And you're saying a “bi” gf making you “secondary” to her female friends is different because? You are aware if your bi GF were hanging out with other women, the situation would be identical to the Hetero woman hanging out with a man, yes? I’m thinking you just have a natural insecurity to other men, which makes my initial words in the thread especially applicable to you, lol.

If that friend is related to her or is someone I know personally and trust, then I would be okay with it. Not happy about it, since I'd like to be my partner's best friend as well as their partner.

If it's not then it's a red flag I would have to confront my partner on.

I'd track this guy down and have a chat with him. Give him a friendly warning to stay away. If not, then we must get into... aggressive negotiations.

Depends on the situation, tbh.

unless he's gay, he's only sticking around for one reason and that is for you to make a mistake so he can show how much better of a man he is than you and he can treat her better.

This is from personal Experience.

Guys are like Vultures I swear LOL

“The OP has a very broad topic, leaving a lot of room to discuss related topics. There’s a guy she’s spending time with other than you. How much time, reasons for spending more time with, etc. are all left open ended. Don’t be sensitive. No one is twisting your words. You provided information about yourself that I didn’t ask for, and I got into that. And I’m speaking very generally since the topic is broad.”

Point noted although still quite off center and not a case of getting upset because you see her having a chat with men and than constantly getting jealous. And, actually, the OP was a lot more specific than this (e.g. you note her hanging out with him more than she’s hanging out with you; hence, quite limited to time that’s personal time and free time; thus, my girlfriend isn’t spending time with me for a reason other than personal).

“The OP doesn’t specify this either. Perhaps it’s not a preference, maybe they happen to have similar hobbies that you can’t or won’t share with your SO?”

Well, with the information that she’s my girlfriend, we hang out together, but she hangs out much more with him, is enough information for us to limit it to pretty much as I did; clearly, having a romantic relationship connotes very different motives from spending time with someone because of a shared hobby; or, many other related and similar reasons as well, such as business relationship or a work relationship; and that happens and is essential to living in a civilized society as human beings or, just as human beings; hence, while there are many reasons under the sun that you could be hanging out with someone else, free time and especially romantic time are quite unique and specific and clearly seem to be the only types that the OP is implying from a reasonable reading of his comment; and, with what you’re implying, I think that means that it was all the more necessary for me to defend my motives against someone like you, as your comment seems to imply that I spoke because I’m a possessive man, if given an opportunity to have a woman; and, also, in a sense, you’re essentially trying to seem as if you can outclass me or others who do not share your views, when it comes to being in a romantic relationship with a woman; simply reacting as expected, to get back to my first post, does not than extend into assuming that a man is possessive, which than implies that the guy would end up being a wife beater or related such as verbal abuse, merely because he doesn’t agree with a guy that you’re describing, which is someone that it would be hard to envision any man with a straight face being while in a romantic relationship with a woman.

“These types of things are more likely to happen when there’s a fundamental gap between what both sides want or expect out of a relationship.”

Sure, but you can still make that point without implying that someone would be possessive towards his woman, simply for not being the type of man that you described; in other wards, simply abandoning an indefensible position, when others are trying to point you to a more sensible position; sure, you know that, I think, but, it’s good to have it pointed out.

“The situation is S.O. spending more time with someone else; not necessarily making you secondary or less important. Well how much more time is she spending with him compared to you? 51%? 90%? ”

Well, simply use commonsense and my position would come across more reasonable; the majority of the people who chimed in realized this; thus, having a general consensus, you still can’t figure things out just a bit better?

“You’re obviously still hung up on your past. That’s cool. Whateves.”

No, I’m not hung up on my past, whatever that’s supposed to mean, although I guess someone else could have been (e.g. the better approach, put out a number of questions for me to respond to before you take a wild swing into the dark like that, as, again, you come across as trying to imply that I have some sinister motive that simply doesn’t exist with me); I simply gave my past relation as something to help make my point, which should be obvious to most people trying to reasonably put themselves into someone else’s shoes to discuss a situation, from the position of a similar person (e.g. a man responding to a man about said woman).

“Even you know, based on that rant I didn’t really care for in the first place, that your situation wasn’t a simple she’s spending time with some other guy; it was based on the incompatibility of you both and decision about babies or some shit...”

Well, that you should read more into the statement, as it has nothing to do with my relating you back to what the OP was saying versus what you said in trying to come back at me, when I corrected; it still doesn’t change the fact that spending time with other people is miles apart from the topic of your girlfriend making you a secondary figure to some other guy.

“So her spending more time with others isn’t the issue with you, just men eh?”

Well, my statement was pretty clear that it wasn’t spending more time with others or other men, but rather making you a secondary character to another man and how to react to it.

“ And you're saying a “bi” gf making you “secondary” to her female friends is different because? You are aware if your bi GF were hanging out with other women, the situation would be identical to the Hetero woman hanging out with a man, yes?”

I’d say that you’d be about 25% on point here. Buckle up a bit man, just simply read what was written, ask questions (and receive all opportunities to than receive an answer), and than try drawing conclusions about what someone’s motives might truly be in a given situation.

Its probably not a good sign...

I didn't even read past this point because someone has trouble reading my post before responding to me.... You literally said the same shit I said.

I clearly stated that if her time with her boyfriend and her guy friend is balanced, it's not a problem. But, if she's spending more time with her guy friend than her boyfriend, things should be called into question. In the event of this, cheating could be likely. We basically agree, dude.

@dshipp17:

I think that means that it was all the more necessary for me to defend my motives against someone like you, as your comment seems to imply that I spoke because I’m a possessive man, if given an opportunity to have a woman; and, also, in a sense, you’re essentially trying to seem as if you can outclass me or others who do not share your views, when it comes to being in a romantic relationship with a woman

This is you being dramatic as hell. If anything I asked how you'd suggest handling the situation, you know, like the OP asked... Nothing more, nothing less. You started telling me such questions were somehow unrelated to the thread acting as though you know everything...

to get back to my first post, does not than extend into assuming that a man is possessive, which than implies that the guy would end up being a wife beater or related such as verbal abuse, merely because he doesn’t agree with a guy that you’re describing, which is someone that it would be hard to envision any man with a straight face being while in a romantic relationship with a woman.

I'm barely even following you anymore since that looks like gibberish. It sounds like you think I said insecure and possessive is equal to being a wife beater and it's not. We aren't even talking about abuse... or at least I sure as hell wasn't...

Well, simply use commonsense and my position would come across more reasonable; the majority of the people who chimed in realized this; thus, having a general consensus, you still can’t figure things out just a bit better?

And a few people know that context is important to nearly any social situation. If you recognized context, maybe you wouldn't have brought up a pity, sob story about how your girlfriend left you in a situation that is really quite unrelated to what's being discussed. YOUR OWN STORY shows there's more to the type of situation being discussed than just the act. Other hypothetical scenarios would determine whether you should be concerned, or whether everything is fine. Such scenarios include: How much time is she spending with him exactly; how long has this been going on; how do they act together; is the man gay? Literally any of that and more...

No, I’m not hung up on my past, whatever that’s supposed to mean, although I guess someone else could have been (e.g. the better approach, put out a number of questions for me to respond to before you take a wild swing into the dark like that, as, again, you come across as trying to imply that I have some sinister motive that simply doesn’t exist with me); I simply gave my past relation as something to help make my point, which should be obvious to most people trying to reasonably put themselves into someone else’s shoes to discuss a situation, from the position of a similar person (e.g. a man responding to a man about said woman).

Dude, I literally don't give a shit about your personal life. You brought that BS in here, and it's hilariously irrelevant... as your story wasn't about your fiancé just hanging around some guy friend; you and her were having difficulties prior to any of that. Your fiancé left at least in part because you didn't want a baby or literally whatever you said man. There's clear context there, and I can imagine much more based on my short experience with you...

Well, that you should read more into the statement, as it has nothing to do with my relating you back to what the OP was saying versus what you said in trying to come back at me, when I corrected; it still doesn’t change the fact that spending time with other people is miles apart from the topic of your girlfriend making you a secondary figure to some other guy.

Dude, OP literally asks us how we would react to this type of situation:

how would you guys react, and for ladies vice versa

My response was that there's not a lot that can be done. GENERALLY, the way men typically respond in these situations is to get insecure and jealous, and I'm saying that is no good. I also mentioned trust. If your S.O. has given you reasons to not trust her (THIS WOULD BE CONTEXT BASED), then as my first post said, without said trust, your relationship is doomed. You responded with that sob story, going off on some tangent all on your own...

I’d say that you’d be about 25% on point here. Buckle up a bit man, just simply read what was written, ask questions (and receive all opportunities to than receive an answer), and than try drawing conclusions about what someone’s motives might truly be in a given situation.

I read it and your point was nonsensical at best. I have no desire to ask further questions, I don't care what your motives are, and I have no desire to continue this pointless debate with you, tbh...

Depends on why she is spending more time with the other guy than with me. I could just be busy, or we could have a scheduling issue. Or maybe she and that guy go to the same school or workplace and naturally see each other more often. It's not necessarily that she prefers his company to mine.

However, if she's willingly spending less time with me to spend more time with him, that is a red flag to me. There is still a lot of context here of course. If it's a long time friend from childhood I wouldn't be too concerned and probably just put in more effort to schedule more dates and hanging out time with her to balance it out, as well as see if I can forge any kind of friendship with the guy so she doesn't need to choose between us when scheduling her time.

If it's a fairly recent friend or a guy she only met during her previous relationship and the two of us got together shortly after that break up I'd be significantly more suspicious. As @itouchedtheboat said, men are vultures. It is more likely than not that he's being friendly with her so he can swoop in the moment our relationship ends, and if that is his goal and he has her trust he's in a strong position to steer her in that direction.

Not to say I don't trust my SO, but we're all human. If it's someone we put a lot of trust into we tend to take their words more to heart and are less likely to be skeptical about their motives. The words of a trusted friend can turn a minor argument about which starter Pokemon is the best (Bulbasaur, obviously) into a major disagreement that calls our compatibility into question. Healthy relationships can be poisoned from the outside. It's happened to me before and I've seen it happen to friends as well.

Most likely I'd schedule more engagements with my SO, and if she insists on spending her time with him suggest the three of us hang out together. That way I can get a better measure of him and his intentions.

After that there's nothing else that can be done. Confronting him gives him ammo to paint me as jealous and aggressive, and confronting her paints me as controlling. That is exactly the opening he's waiting for. It's unfortunate, but the only course of action is to try to keep the relationship stable despite his attempts at destabilizing it and hope that she catches on to what he's doing. It comes down to which one of us she ultimately trusts more, and if she's willingly spending more of her time with him there's a good chance I am about to have my heart broken.

"This is you being dramatic as hell. If anything I asked how you'd suggest handling the situation, you know, like the OP asked... Nothing more, nothing less. You started telling me such questions were somehow unrelated to the thread acting as though you know everything..."

The OP asked questions, and I than saw your comments versus the majority of other’s comments, who could see things as I can, and responded; you than made implications in responding to me, not asking the same question as the OP; in an attempt to save face, you grabbed some nutty information from your imagination in order to try saving face for trying to defend an indefensible position; it’s pretty obvious.

“I'm barely even following you anymore since that looks like gibberish. It sounds like you think I said insecure and possessive is equal to being a wife beater and it's not. We aren't even talking about abuse... or at least I sure as hell wasn't...”

If you couldn’t follow that reasoning than you might have some sort of reading and comprehension shortcomings, as that’s the only reason that would read like gibberish, given the context of the conversation; no, it’s more like being insecure and possessive can lead to that, as was clearly explained and in relation to what you were clearly trying to imply; it’s clear that when you get creamed you than proceed to play stupid and than come back to a snide remark to look better.

“And a few people know that context is important to nearly any social situation. If you recognized context, maybe you wouldn't have brought up a pity, sob story about how your girlfriend left you in a situation that is really quite unrelated to what's being discussed.”

My story is very much related; you just may have some sort of shortcoming with reading comprehension that makes you unable to interpret it; I’d wager that you’d do incredibly poor on either the ACT or SAT reading comprehension exam if you can’t make any connection as you claim, provided that you even got that far through school.

“Such scenarios include: How much time is she spending with him exactly; how long has this been going on; how do they act together; is the man gay? Literally any of that and more...”

It could except it’s a bit on the tangent from the OP topic; just reading what the OP said and this bit of information can just be picked up on or concluded without much thought or discussion at all; while it could be relevant it’s pretty irrelevant to really go into; OP says she’s willingly chosen to spend more time with another man than you, as her romantic partner; now, as everyone else has done, just discuss the topic with that in mind; and a guy claiming to be gay really doesn’t make relevant difference.

“Dude, I literally don't give a shit about your personal life. You brought that BS in here, and it's hilariously irrelevant... as your story wasn't about your fiancé just hanging around some guy friend; you and her were having difficulties prior to any of that. ”

It’s relevant alright, you’re just a hilarious exception to the rule; and your comment actually suggest that you do care, as it was used to put you in deeper when you couldn’t save face from an indefensible position that you put yourself into, so now you go into not caring, when you chimed into this topic (e.g. thus, your actions clearly contradict your comments); what, would your saying that you gave a crap about my personal life have brought out the rainbow, unicorns, and leprechauns for me?

“My response was that there's not a lot that can be done. GENERALLY, the way men typically respond in these situations is to get insecure and jealous, and I'm saying that is no good. I also mentioned trust. If your S.O. has given you reasons to not trust her (THIS WOULD BE CONTEXT BASED), then as my first post said, without said trust, your relationship is doomed. You responded with that sob story, going off on some tangent all on your own...”

Here, you actually took a comment from somewhere else and attributed the comment to me; now we have some literal evidence that you may have issues with reading comprehension and properly understanding context. And, as other respondents have shown you, as well as I, with my first illustration about the pet lion, it would be a very sensible response in the OP’s context.

Ok, no sweat; while you may have said this, you quoted someone who did take that position, meaning that you'd tacitly agreed with the position that I rebutted as well.

@dshipp17:

The OP asked questions, and I than saw your comments versus the majority of other’s comments, who could see things as I can, and responded; you than made implications in responding to me, not asking the same question as the OP; in an attempt to save face, you grabbed some nutty information from your imagination in order to try saving face for trying to defend an indefensible position; it’s pretty obvious.

You can barely make a coherent statement yourself. Please don't go around pretending you can speak for me when you cannot. I like how you've made numerous spelling and grammatical errors all throughout this conversation today, yet have the nerve to tell me I can't read. rofl.

If you couldn’t follow that reasoning than you might have some sort of reading and comprehension shortcomings, as that’s the only reason that would read like gibberish, given the context of the conversation; no, it’s more like being insecure and possessive can lead to that, as was clearly explained and in relation to what you were clearly trying to imply; it’s clear that when you get creamed you than proceed to play stupid and than come back to a snide remark to look better.

Yes, whine and cry more. And this has nothing to do with what I said. But you've been talking to yourself this whole time instead of addressing me from the start. There's that reading comprehension problem you were talking about.

My story is very much related; you just may have some sort of shortcoming with reading comprehension that makes you unable to interpret it; I’d wager that you’d do incredibly poor on either the ACT or SAT reading comprehension exam if you can’t make any connection as you claim, provided that you even got that far through school.

No, you went on a tangent that was very much unrelated to the first post I made here. I didn't ask for your life story and despite how funny it is, I'd be just as well off having not heard it.

It could except it’s a bit on the tangent from the OP topic; just reading what the OP said and this bit of information can just be picked up on or concluded without much thought or discussion at all; while it could be relevant it’s pretty irrelevant to really go into; OP says she’s willingly chosen to spend more time with another man than you, as her romantic partner; now, as everyone else has done, just discuss the topic with that in mind; and a guy claiming to be gay really doesn’t make relevant difference.

Other people who have posted here are acknowledging the importance of context. Just because you can't recognize context, don't make that my problem.

OP says she’s willingly chosen to spend more time with another man than you

No, OP did not. As I've already explained to you, there are a lot of things left ambiguous that other posters are intelligent enough to pick up on. Just because you can't, don't make that my problem.

a guy claiming to be gay really doesn’t make relevant difference.

A gay man wouldn't be interested in your SO, thus he is not a threat to stealing her or her leaving you for him as you've been trying and failing to point out with that tragic romantic comedy story that is your life. It's a shame I have to point this out to you... This is "context" which you seem unable to grasp... No wonder you lost your fiancé, lol.

It’s relevant alright, you're just a hilarious exception to the rule;

TF does this even mean?

and your comment actually suggest that you do care, as it was used to put you in deeper when you couldn’t save face from an indefensible position that you put yourself into, so now you go into not caring, when you chimed into this topic (e.g. thus, your actions clearly contradict your comments); what, would your saying that you gave a crap about my personal life have brought out the rainbow, unicorns, and leprechauns for me?

I made a post in relation to the topic. You quoted me. I didn't ask for your life story. That's what I don't care about. That should be obvious, but things need to be spelled out to you I see. How hilarious that you tried to call me out for my intelligence. rofl.

“My response was that there's not a lot that can be done. GENERALLY, the way men typically respond in these situations is to get insecure and jealous, and I'm saying that is no good. I also mentioned trust. If your S.O. has given you reasons to not trust her (THIS WOULD BE CONTEXT BASED), then as my first post said, without said trust, your relationship is doomed. You responded with that sob story, going off on some tangent all on your own...”

Here, you actually took a comment from somewhere else and attributed the comment to me;

I'm clearly restating my first post in this thread so that ANYONE could understand it. The only part where I mention you is in that you told a sob story, about your past, which you did in your first reply. Here is that sob story:

This described situation is what caused a breakup between myself and my fiancee back in 1997; and guess what? Literally within hours of her calling off our relation, she was already with another guy and she would place herself in clear view of me in places like the cafeteria, until I made it ever more difficult for something like that to happen; although this guy wasn't the one that I had suspected, as, honestly, I'd never really seen him before, the things is is that she was with him and it was as if they knew each other for quite some time prior; the other guy was probably some type of guise for this gateway to occur.

Now what comment did I take from somewhere else? LMAO.

now we have some literal evidence that you may have issues with reading comprehension and properly understanding context.

Oh the irony, rofl. And yes there certainly is evidence of something here, lmao.

And, as other respondents have shown you, as well as I,

What other respondents? You're the only person who has directly bothered to talk to me and I wish you never had...

with my first illustration about the pet lion, it would be a very sensible response in the OP’s context.

That was the most pointless analogy I've ever seen and you should be embarrassed for making it. lol.

No.

Okay.

I agreed with someone who stated that there was little to nothing that could be done if came to that. People are going to do whatever they want, whether we like it or not. You could talk to your significant other about it, and express your feelings about it. But, you can't make him or her stop seeing someone else, friend or otherwise. It's really up to them, and if they choose not to respect your feelings on the matter, you can either suck it up or walk away. Simple. I know it sucks, but that's life.

Someone else stated that she has a male best friend whom she shares a bed with or whatever, but there's nothing flirty or sexual about it. Opposite-sex platonic relationships do exist, and we'd be crazy to think otherwise. The problem is that a lot of people think men and women can't have that kind of connection without it being sexual, which is nonsense. There are people who have certain needs to be fulfilled other than just sex. A lot of times, people don't have all of their needs fulfilled in romantic relationship. I mean, if Jessie (who has an appreciation for art) wants to go to an art museum with her friend Johnny because her boyfriend Maxwell doesn't like art museums, why can't she go with Johnny? Anyway, my best friend is a woman, we hang out often, talk on the phone often, and sometimes she'll crash at my apartment in the same bed with me. We don't have sex though. At the same time, I'm openly dating two other women whom I'm romantically involved with. Balance.

And, sure, if the breakup happens, she probably wouldn't hesitate to fall right into his arms; something tells me to you're probably often the beneficiary of said circumstances so you advocate it, even though it's a very clear and obvious red flag to anyone with commonsense.

I was the beneficiary of a similar situation ten years ago. My then-girlfriend at the time left her ex and another dude she was romantically involved with to be with me in the end. Her ex wasn't having sex with her, and the other guy was extremely judgmental and verbally abusive to her on a regular basis.

Nowadays, in most cases, if a woman is in a committed, romantic relationship with another man, I don't pursue. However, if it's just about sex and nothing more and she's interested in the same thing outside of her relationship with her man, I may take that chance. I would only pass it up if she's married.

Depends. I have female friends who I am very close to and would never consider being in a romantic / sexual relationship with; I wouldn't want my girlfriend to feel threatened by that because the dynamics are completely different. I can understand the jealousy. It's really about communication and trust. Spending some time with friends, regardless of gender, is healthy and important. But spending more time with a friend than an SO? Yes, I'd say that's odd unless they happen to work in the same place.