Rape and Relationships (Read OP)

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laflux

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Edited By laflux

Poll Rape and Relationships (Read OP) (84 votes)

I wouldn't date the victim 8%
I could date the victim but I would rather date someone different who still "ticked all my boxes", that wasn't raped/had a child because of rape. 23%
I wouldn't show any bias towards the rape victim and would have no problem dating them, whatever the circumstance 69%

Its obvious (both inside and outside Comicvine) that Rape is something which triggers very sympathetic and strong emotions in many people. Its widely considered it to be the most heinous of crimes and I can understand why people would think that.

So with that being said, how would you feel about dating someone who has been a victim of rape? I have heard of the phrase damaged goods been thrown around (particularly in regards to females), and honestly at first I didn't care much for the people who said it, as well as the phrase itself, but often being raped is something that leaves long lasting ramifications on the victim, which can make said relationships difficult. One wouldn't regard rape as being so serious if it didn't have the likelyhood of causing some untoward problems for the person involved in the short and long term, both emotionally and sexually- and these problems could cause strain in any further relationships.

And how would you feel if a child was thrown into the mix as well? From a personal experience, I know my elder half-sister's relationship with my father was strained because my Mum was slightly suspicious about my Dad sexually assaulting her- it was out of rape, my half-sister was born.....

The following scenario and poll below is a bit of an oversimplification, but in the purposes of seeing what most people think, I'll use it anyway.

1. You see what seems to be perfect woman/man of your dreams. You find them physically attractive and like their personality. Would you engage in a relationship with them, if you knew they were a rape victim?

2. You have two what seems to be perfect women/men of your dreams. You find them physically attractive and like their personalities. One has been raped. Would you pick the person who wasn't raped, or would you have no preference at all?

3. Same as above, except the rape victim has a child by rape?

Poll choices (also given below to vote).

1. I wouldn't date the victim.

2. I would date the victim but I would rather date someone different who still "ticked all my boxes", that wasn't raped/had a child because of rape.

3. I wouldn't show any bias towards the rape victim, whatever the circumstance.

Just want to know what you guys and gals think.

 • 
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The_Deathstroker

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Eh, it think their incident would definitely influence my decision in dating them. So choice #2

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russellmania77

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That title tho

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The_Deathstroker

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Five votes, one comment on their choice.

Stay classy, CV.

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JakeN7

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I can't help who I fall in love with, but if you presented me with two girls that are exactly the same in every way (personality, looks, intelligence, etc.) except one of them had been abused, I'd honestly take the one that hadn't been abused every time. So option 2. I wouldn't have a problem at all dating a girl with a history of being a victim of rape and abuse though. I'm just not going to pretend that it's not a factor.

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The_Deathstroker

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@jaken7: So.... Is mine a good summary of all that?

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laflux

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all equal so far.... interesting.

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JakeN7

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the_stegman

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#8 the_stegman  Moderator

Wouldn't matter to me at all, I would indeed date a rape victim if I like her, and that "damaged goods" stuff is bologna. Some people handle having such a horrible thing done to to in different ways than others, even if they are traumatized, it's even more reason for me not to turn away from them, they'll need someone to talk to.

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deactivated-5edd330f57b65

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Hard decision between the second and third option. Having been raped wouldn't make me like you any less, but it would probably just be a better bet to pick the one that hadn't been raped since they're both all I want.

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Thitiki

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@jaken7 said:

I can't help who I fall in love with, but if you presented me with two girls that are exactly the same in every way (personality, looks, intelligence, etc.) except one of them had been abused, I'd honestly take the one that hadn't been abused every time. So option 2. I wouldn't have a problem at all dating a girl with a history of being a victim of rape and abuse though. I'm just not going to pretend that it's not a factor.

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The_Deathstroker

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#11  Edited By The_Deathstroker

@jaken7: I feel like you said what I said, but expanded it into a paragraph.

As in mine is like a summary of yours.

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DBVSE7

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#12  Edited By DBVSE7

I've dated a rape victim sooo yea. :P

First girl I fell in love with actually.

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JakeN7

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Eisenfauste

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#15  Edited By Eisenfauste

Everyone should get raped, problem solved.

This is how this comment is going to go in several minutes

No Caption Provided

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WarBlade539

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As cheesy as it sounds, love recognizes no boundaries. And from personal experience, it IS true. So yeah, if I love someone, there is absolutely nothing that'll stop me from being with that someone.

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The_Deathstroker

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#17  Edited By The_Deathstroker

@jaken7: Lmao, alrighty then. Glad that's over.

xD

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warlock360

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#18  Edited By warlock360
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Eisenfauste

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JakeN7

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The_Deathstroker

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@jaken7: Well, I'm double glad! *slams door shut*

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JakeN7

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The_Deathstroker

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@jaken7: Double slams door shut! *double slams door shut*

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strangetales

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#24  Edited By strangetales  Online

I tried dating a girl who was a raped in grade 8 by some older guys ( I started talking to her years later ). Let's just say I didn't even get the relationship going. She was kinda messed up I mean after the first time I had sex with her I found out she had a boyfriend... So I would want to date someone that would cheat on me. That and I new her kinda in grade 8 and she was hot. She told me after that happened, her life went downhill. Gained weight and still has it. Sex was sex though after I saw her for the first time in years.

So that's my experience.

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kgb725

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#25  Edited By kgb725

I dated a girl that broke up with me because she was raped and was emotional about it for awhile. I didnt found out til about a month later but we were closer after that u til I messed it up

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Gojira2014

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@jaken7 said:

I can't help who I fall in love with, but if you presented me with two girls that are exactly the same in every way (personality, looks, intelligence, etc.) except one of them had been abused, I'd honestly take the one that hadn't been abused every time. So option 2. I wouldn't have a problem at all dating a girl with a history of being a victim of rape and abuse though. I'm just not going to pretend that it's not a factor.

nicely worded. I been in this relationship, and it is a annoying factor.

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MonsterStomp

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I'd date a rape victim. If I find her attractive and loved her personality, I don't see why not. She was raped, as in overpowered and forced to have sex. If anything, I'd feel more sympathetic towards them, more protective of that individual.

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buttersdaman000

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In most situations, I wouldn't care. If I like the girl enough, her being a rape victim wouldn't change that. Also, if it came down to two girls rape wouldn't be a deciding factor at all. However, there are some girls who are completely broken by their assaults so much so that I wouldn't even have a chance....

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thatguywithheadphones

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Really

Awesome

Pleasure for

Everyone

Even as Odd Future fan, your comment mead me facepalm, don't know why. To answer the OP, I couldn't do it.

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HolySerpent

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#32  Edited By HolySerpent

@laflux: I never new you where so deep in thought

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marvel_boy2241

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@marvel_boy2241 said:

Really

Awesome

Pleasure for

Everyone

Even as Odd Future fan, your comment mead me facepalm, don't know why. To answer the OP, I couldn't do it.

I don't understand the relevance to this "Odd Future" you speak of...

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The_Deathstroker

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#34  Edited By The_Deathstroker

@marvel_boy2241: You'll never be a successful troll if you can't learn to be subtle sometimes.

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thatguywithheadphones

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@thatguywithheadphones said:

@marvel_boy2241 said:

Really

Awesome

Pleasure for

Everyone

Even as Odd Future fan, your comment mead me facepalm, don't know why. To answer the OP, I couldn't do it.

I don't understand the relevance to this "Odd Future" you speak of...

Well Odd Future often make heavy reference to rape in their music, one member has a song named epaR which is Rape spelled backwards. I'm a fan of them despite this, but your post, for some reason, just comes off as stupid and unnecessary to me despite this.

Get it?

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marvel_boy2241

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The_Deathstroker

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#37  Edited By The_Deathstroker

@marvel_boy2241: I suppose each man has his own style of doing things.

You will certainly get more hate your way, but they won't be able to pass you up.

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mickey-mouse

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#38  Edited By mickey-mouse

@laflux:

The one thing about the OP that is neglected is how long ago the rape occurred and how the victim was dealing with it. Were they young or older? Did it not affect them? Are they bitter and resentful? Afraid of accidentally getting into the same situation as the incident? ...etc. I think these would affect quite a few people's answers, but to generalize (which upon re-reading seems to be the point of the OP anyway):

Yes.

Victim, depending on how she'd been dealing with it.

Victim, for the kid's sake as much as the mother's. Also depends on the kid's age, state, etc.

As for the poll, third option. May actually be partial to the victim.

Yeah, in this scenario did they get raped years ago? Or did they get raped this year? Or did it happen last week?

Anyway, let me put it this way for those people who think they might find it tough dating a rape victim: You already did. If you have dated 6 or more women in your life time, you have already most likely dated a victim of rape.

No Caption Provided

So, yeah.

And, if you have dated a lot of College Girls...

No Caption Provided

Now if she never tells you, then it's only going to be an issue for her in her head..If she does choose to share this info then yes it can have a large impact on your sex life.

I'll explain:

  • Certain Role playing games are off the table.
  • Certain sex acts like BJ's may be off the table.
  • Certain sex positions may be off the table. Example: Her rapist(s) grabbed her from behind, so now she is no longer a fan of doggy style.
  • Certain Language used during sex may be off the table. Example: She was raped by her father, so the common phrase of "Who's your daddy?" not the best of ideas during sex.
  • Rough sex is most likely off the table.
  • Etc, Etc, Etc....I think you get my point now.

You're going to have to respect their boundaries & have an understanding of how they feel.

Perhaps some group therapy & couple therapy maybe required.

Point is, it's not gonna be easy, but if you really like or love that person, it's totally worth it.

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marvel_boy2241

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#39  Edited By marvel_boy2241
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Bruxae

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#40  Edited By Bruxae

@The_Deathstroker: Pretty sure he's just trying to make some stupid point that it's okay to joke about rape due to the other recent rape thread blowing up. With any luck it'll get him banned soon.

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laflux

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@bruxae said:

@The_Deathstroker: Pretty sure he's just trying to make some stupid point that it's okay to joke about rape due to the other recent rape thread blowing up. With any luck it'll get him banned soon.

Are you talking about me?

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pikachumonster

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#42  Edited By pikachumonster
No Caption Provided

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The_Deathstroker

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marvel_boy2241

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@laflux said:

@bruxae said:

@The_Deathstroker: Pretty sure he's just trying to make some stupid point that it's okay to joke about rape due to the other recent rape thread blowing up. With any luck it'll get him banned soon.

Are you talking about me?

Nope me. But I said it before and I'll say it again. Every joke has a serious, real-life counterpart. Most jokes can be put into a serious context--where they wouldn't be funny. Racism, sexism, abuse, are all just many of these examples. Rape is no exception. It's pretty obvious that the majority doesn't think rape is OK--and neither do I. That's the reason I can joke. So in other words--lighten up.

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laflux

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#45  Edited By laflux

@laflux said:

@bruxae said:

@The_Deathstroker: Pretty sure he's just trying to make some stupid point that it's okay to joke about rape due to the other recent rape thread blowing up. With any luck it'll get him banned soon.

Are you talking about me?

Edit- I see you where talking about Marvel_Boy my bad. Honestly, I think these are two different types of thread. The other thread was intended as a joke thread, so it kinda lended itself to jokes and pandering. Whether such jokes are ever appropriate was debated ad nauseum, but I genuinely want to know other people's opinion on this........

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Bruxae

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@laflux said:

@laflux said:

@bruxae said:

@The_Deathstroker: Pretty sure he's just trying to make some stupid point that it's okay to joke about rape due to the other recent rape thread blowing up. With any luck it'll get him banned soon.

Are you talking about me?

Edit- I see you where talking about Marvel_Boy my bad. Honestly, I think these are two different types of thread. The other thread was intended as a joke thread, so it kinda lended itself to jokes and pandering. Whether such jokes are ever appropriate was debated ad nauseum, but I genuinely want to know other people's opinion on this........

I have no problem with your thread at all, just fyi. I just think it's unnecessary for Marvel_Boy to come in here and derail the thread with extremely inappropriate jokes just to make a stupid point. It's pretty obvious that's what he is trying to do.

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Cable_Extreme

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It complicates too many things imo. Wouldn't want to worry about them having flash backs, or freakingnout every time we had sex, or if we even would after the traumatic event. Too much baggage imo (in most cases)

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mickey-mouse

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@laflux: Did you see the info I posted?

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laflux

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#50 Lunacyde  Moderator

I have been there before.

It's a very serious and real thing and yes you are going to have to be there for her, and yes at times she is going to have a hard time.

Should you date them? I don't know. I can't answer that question, its an intimate question each person must answer for themselves based on their own feeling, thoughts, and how they feel about the other person. If I loved someone learning that they were raped in the past would not change things for me.