Joy Reviewz a Snack -- Milk Chocolate Pringles

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Joygirl

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#1  Edited By Joygirl

You know what I absolutely goddamn love?

Pringles.

Pringles and Cheetos are my preferred noms for movie time and whatever. I've tried all the crazy flavors, and tend to love them. Hence, when I was hustling on my way out of the local Wal-Mart with my brother last night, my eye lingered on something that seemed either too good – or too weird – to be true.

The offender.
The offender.

A new layout of Dessert Pringles was being advertised, in three distinctly bizarre and un-Pringlish flavors: Milk Chocolate, White Chocolate, and Pecan Pie. There are also apparently a few other flavors, like Mint Chocolate and Cinnamon Sugar, but they didn't have these ones in my store.

A sense of trepidation filled me. I wanted to try them, was unable to resist their strange allure. After all, Pringles had never let me down before; not even their kooky ventures into tortilla chips and whatnot. But what horrors could have lurked within those lightweight, cylindrical canisters? What would I be getting myself into if I tried one? Would they be delicious, or horrible?

I had to try them, at least one of them. Deciding on the safest option I went with the Milk Chocolate flavor, figuring that if only one of them was edible this was going to end up being that one. Questions continued to rush through my mind, though – were they chocolate-coated, like the Fudge-Covered Ritz crackers that I absolutely adore? Or would they be dusted with flavor, like normal Pringles? Would they be salty and sweet, or a pure dessert crisp?

I shook the can lightly, hoping it might grant me some enlightenment. It didn't. I was in this alone and I had to take the leap of faith. Shelling out the buck-fitty I brought the can to the car and opened it.

What I saw inside was neither what I expected, nor what I wanted. They didn't even have the courtesy to give the chips a chocolate-colored dusting; they just looked like completely ordinary Pringles. My fears grew more acute, but I was in this now, and there was no turning back.

And then, the moment of truth was finally upon me.

They were horrible.

A better name for these would have been “Sucralose Flavored Pringles,” because these flat-out don't taste like chocolate. I sat and searched, exploring every corner of my tongue to find a hint of chocolate flavoring. While I could occasionally detect something that seemed very slightly like chocolate (in the way that carob tastes like chocolate – not-at-f***ing-all), it was vastly overpowered by a sickeningly syrupy sweetness that lingered directly on the flat of the tongue, only a hair's breadth from being completely nauseating.

Pictured: NOT THEM
Pictured: NOT THEM

Yet another flaw of these was that they weren't salty enough. The idea behind chocolate-coating crackers/chips is that they're crispy, salty, and chocolatey all at once, and it's f***ing delicious. This was nothing like that. It was like some evil scientist studied everything that was desirable about this type of snack and did everything within his power to do absolutely none of those things.

I ate the majority of the can, of course, because I liked the mouth-feel and whatever additives were in there to get me hooked on them. My brother tried a few, agreeing that they were awful but having enough willpower to stop eating them, unlike me. Thus, I was the one left feeling like I had eaten a big pile of Splenda-sprinkled gravel.

Basically what I'm trying to say is that these are not good. They are objectively, unequivocally bad. I don't recommend them to anyone – it's not a matter of taste, it's a matter of these chips having no redeeming or desirable qualities whatsoever. If you read the title of this and went “hwoah those sound good,” then I recommend you seek out Ritz's fudge-covered crackers and eat those instead, since they're, y'know, good.

-----------------

Want me to review more snacks? Say so in the comments!

Want me to review a specific snack you're too chicken to try yourself? Well, they probably don't have it in my area! But you're welcome to suggest it!

For more of my reviews -- on comics, movies, games, shows, and even fan-fic -- take a gander at the Joy Reviewz Library!

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FearTheLiving

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Gonna have to come back to this, but those don't sound nor look appetizing.

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Darling_Luna

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#3  Edited By Darling_Luna

*eats them all is allergic, dies for chu*

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Spidey_Jackson

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That's disgusting.

Beata

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amazing_webhead

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#5  Edited By amazing_webhead

And America wonders why everyone thinks we're fat XD

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Bierschneeman

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#6  Edited By Bierschneeman

can you review some "Boondi"

any variety could be good, but I really like "Masala Boondi"

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deactivated-5c901e667a76c

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If you read the title of this and went “hwoah those sound good,”

I had the exact opposite reaction.

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TheCannon

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Sorry you didn't enjoy them.

Liked the review though. Good job!

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Dragonborn_CT

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#9  Edited By Dragonborn_CT

Bleh... I don't know how can anyone make snacks like these >_> Reminds me of chocolate pizza.

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Bierschneeman

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remember the Ketchup flavored chips?

better yet, the awful tasting colored ketchups. (green purple and blue I remember)

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Joygirl

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can you review some "Boondi"

any variety could be good, but I really like "Masala Boondi"

I don't think I've heard of it. It's also pretty likely that we don't have it here. I'll keep an eye out though!

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Joygirl

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remember the Ketchup flavored chips?

better yet, the awful tasting colored ketchups. (green purple and blue I remember)

I actually feel like I saw the former not long ago....

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Darling_Luna

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Bacon Mayo anyone ? *pours it on the coco pringles*

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Bierschneeman

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#14  Edited By Bierschneeman

@joygirl said:

@bierschneeman said:

can you review some "Boondi"

any variety could be good, but I really like "Masala Boondi"

I don't think I've heard of it. It's also pretty likely that we don't have it here. I'll keep an eye out though!

I call them indian Cheetos, they are fried Chick Pea Flour with seasonings.

find them at Indian Grcocery stores, or the internet. you can actually buy any and all grocery items on the internet (who knew?)

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deactivated-5c901e667a76c

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#15  Edited By deactivated-5c901e667a76c  Moderator

@bierschneeman said:

better yet, the awful tasting colored ketchups. (green purple and blue I remember)

I remember those... the green kind literally looked like bird sh!t.

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comicace3

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Wait.. Theres milk chocolate pringles?

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Joygirl

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Bacon Mayo anyone ? *pours it on the coco pringles*

I've had that actually, it was pretty underwhelming.

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Darling_Luna

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chaos911

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Nice review. Try chocolate covered bacon if you don't mind

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MadeinBangladesh

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loooks terrible and unhealthy.

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Joygirl

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@chaos911: I'll keep an eye out for it! I've had maple candy bacon before and it was okay, if weird.

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Avenging-X-Bolt

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Sigh....that sounded epic. Thanks for giving us the head up. It sounds more diss appointing then the peanut butter and jelly burger I had a while back.

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Avenging-X-Bolt

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Also. I'd be interested to get your opinion on the mint cream Oreos

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Joygirl

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Avenging-X-Bolt

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@joygirl: I'm addicted to em. I wanna know whether or not I'm just a lone wierdo or not

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Joygirl

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@avenging_x_bolt: Have you had fudge-covered Ritz? They come out around Christmas so they should be on their way around now. They're divine.

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RisingBean

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Good read.

These things sound nasty.

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Straight-Fire

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You review food too? Amazing! ^_^

They look pretty good to me. Maybe it's because I'm a big fan of chocolate.

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Avenging-X-Bolt

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@joygirl: I have yet to sample these fudgy ritz of which you speak . I shall keep an eye out for em

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Joygirl

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#30  Edited By Joygirl
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Ultragreenboy

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@joygirl: You should review Barbacue Cheddar Popcorn.

It tastes so weird.

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Joygirl

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@ultragreenboy: I had buffalo bleu popcorn and it made me wanna friggin' throw up, does that count?

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Ultragreenboy

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@joygirl: Hmm .... Close enough since I did throw up.

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chaos911

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SaintWildcard

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Good review, but you're no Leonard

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Joygirl

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@saint_wildcard: *self esteem is destroyed, never does another review again on anything ever* I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY

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SaintWildcard

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@joygirl said:

@saint_wildcard: *self esteem is destroyed, never does another review again on anything ever* I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY

It's a good feeling, I ain't gonna lie

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judasnixon

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#38  Edited By judasnixon
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@joygirl: I'm going to mail you some Zapp's Crawtators..... Crawfish flavored chips.

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deactivated-5da1bf32237f0

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That sounds awful. I once tried chicken and waffle flavor from Lay's, and it was horrible.

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Avenging-X-Bolt

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@joygirl: I've never wanted to f*#k a cracker more then I have now .....wait....that came out wrong....

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Rev_Sulphur

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I want to go to America just to try out all the different kind of junk foods.

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Knightsofdarkness2

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LolwatisthisIdonteven

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wildvine

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This was hilarious. Thank you.

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Bruxae

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I love dipping my chips in chocolate, but these pringles does indeed look not so good.

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TheDandyMan

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I prefer Doritos.

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ImpurestCheese

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#47  Edited By ImpurestCheese

@joygirl: Oh what is America thinking, Milk Chocolate Pringles? That's disgusting and that comes from someone who eats crickets on toast on a regular basis

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Eisenfauste

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hmmm never knew they made those.