@monsterstomp said:
@sc said:
What if someone you cared about deeply, family, loved ones, found themselves in the position of making a mistake and hurting someone else? Like if your son or daughter got upset one night, drank too much and ended up killing someone in a drunk driving accident?
I know this wasn't directed at me, but I want to answer because its an interesting question!
My father is an impatient man. One day we were waiting in line at the mall and he made a rude comment to the lady in front of him. He said something like "The next register is open, hurry the f___ up you stupid b___.", being complexly oblivious that anyone in a 2 meter vicinity could hear him. The man behind us smacked my father in the back of the head and his dentures flew out of his mouth. I got aggressive in defence of my father. I was angry at my father for being rude and I was angry at the several people ganging up on us. Its love that compels us to forgive our own and defend them whenever they need us.
With that said, I would be mad as all hell at my son or daughter and eventually accept whatever sentence they receive, but in a sense I'd be compelled to forgive them.
Thanks and thank you for sharing. Oh man sorry to hear about that with you, that would have been a tough situation to be in, I have an aggressive aunt who did something similar at a McDonalds, she actually smacked the lady at the counter with her Happy Meal and then left, I was around 11, was really awkward as we left. We left fast though so sounds easier than your situation.
A bit more seriously, my biological father was a drunk and abuser, towards myself, towards my mother. Physical, mental, emotional, psychological and sexual abuse. Ongoing for years. Completely ruined most of her adult life, and because my family is very traditional culturally and religious, my mothers family, they knew but they didn't do anything, because the father had that right as patriarch, as the head of the household. No matter how bad it got, they looked the other way. Got to such a high and consistent level of abuse if his actions were known he would have ended up in prison for a long time but he ended up committing suicide when he started to realize that neighbors were becoming aware as well. I wasn't always the way I am now, I use to hate him, a coward who beat woman and children, as I child I even attacked him a few times. The idea of forgiving him… seemed so bizarre. I also had resentment towards my mother for keeping is in that situation. I ended up studying domestic and child abuse a lot in my teen years, psychology, mental illness, drug addiction, various other things. Family history as well. My father was a very ill man mentally, will never justify or excuse his actions, but the more I understood that such things happen to others, the cycle of violence, how it can happen to people, including possibly myself, how mental illness has a stigma and how many men specifically do not seek help/advice in this regard, well the more I felt I understood my father. In an ideal world he would have been diagnosed before he met my mother and learned how to control his mental issues. He would have stayed away from alcohol. He would have superpowers that he would pass on to me… uh, heh heh. Eventually I forgive him, and even helped my mother forgive him. Was one of the healthiest most beneficial things for her to do, her quality of life improved greatly after that.
I have a baby sister I partially raised as a primary caregiver, she is only 11 so its hard imagining her hurting someone deeply in the way we are discussing, then again she is really emotional, so prone to lashing out as well. I think if she did hurt someone my instinct would be to treat her as if she was the one who was hurt, because in a way, I view perpetrators of pain in a similar way as victims of pain, just that the context is different, as well as responsibility, therefore solutions can differ to. The biggest problem with such interactions is really often just establishing or getting perpetrators to acknowledge, and admit fault/responsibility. So many people try to avoid that, and for good reason, who wants that sort of guilt, sometimes people would rather go into denial or stay willfully ignorant, or just blame other people, even the victim. So if my sister can own to her actions with honesty? Then I would be proud of that, even if I am saddened her actions resulted in pain/hurt/loss with others. By always acting sympathetic and supportive towards my sister, compassionate, when I encourage get to be honest and ethical, my words have more weight and credibility. So my actual fear here is that if she hurt other people but didn't take responsibility, avoided responsibility and therefore was liable for making more errors. I am terrified at the idea my sister could be responsible for the kind of pain say my father inflicted on others, but I am confident that won't happen. I worked hard to make sure she is a much healthier individual, and a big part of that is to do with the idea, that even if she makes mistakes? She will take responsibility and try to learn and be better.
Thank you again for sharing your input.
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