20 Ways To Survive A Horror Movie .

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#1  Edited By rogue_mar1e

A quick run-down should you ever find yourself trapped in a horror movie and would prefer to live to tell the tale.

1. Don’t have sex.

  • Seriously
  • Abstinence is key.

2. Don’t go out with people you’ve just met that day.

  • I don’t care how good he says his weed is
  • he is cuckoo bananas
  • and he wants you dead.

3. Don’t go to camp. Especially one where someone was murdered.

  • There are six words you should YouTube, should you get the chance
  • “Kevin Bacon in Friday the 13th”

4. Find a good hiding place and… STAY. THERE.

  • If the killer can’t see you or hear you WHY WOULD YOU MOVE?
  • Possibly the easiest rule to follow and, ironically enough, the easiest to break.

5. Always wear sensible shoes, ‘cause you never know when you’ll need to run through the woods.

  • Someone will always be barefoot
  • Or in heels
  • Or just plain clumsy
  • And will sprain their ankles
  • And die.

6. If the town looks deserted, it’s probably because everyone is dead.

  • Don’t walk around looking for people
  • House of Wax, anyone?

7. Don’t be a hero.

  • Unless you’re name is Harry F*cking Potter, you will die.
  • Hell, maybe even then.
  • I mean.

8. If you hear something creepy in the distance, like a dog’s yelp cut off mid-bark, don’t investigate.

  • The killer is there.
  • Also your dog is dead.

9. Always check the backseat before entering your vehicle.

  • The last thing you need is to be killed while trying to merge on the expressway.

10. If your car breaks down in front of a dilapidated gas station, don’t ask a sketchy-looking townie for help.

  • Some part of your body will wind up in his pick-up truck

11. Don’t go into the basement.

  • They are creepy enough without you dying in one.

12. If you’re trying to buy a house and the real estate agent won’t answer any direct questions about either the history of the home or the previous tenants, DO NOT MOVE IN.

  • At some point, someone in the house heard voices and cracked.

13. Turn off the television (and run away) if a girl crawls out of it.

  • It is obviously your wisest choice.
  • SEE ALSO: poltergeist, daughter trapped in tv because of.

14. If the walls of your house bleed, do not attempt an exorcism. 

  • Move very very far away
  • Because there’s blood on your walls.
  • Blood.
  • Your
  • Walls
  • Are 
  • Bleeding.

15. Don’t act like a detective.

  • Some crazy Japanese kid who meows like a cat will attack you in a closet.
  • If you live, awesome story to tell your friend, right?
  • But if you die, it is like the opposite of awesome.

16. Google the location you’ll be vacationing at.

  • If more than five reports for “Missing Persons” pops up, you know not to go there.
  • Issue. Solved.

17. Don’t get drunk. Or come under the influence of any mind-altering drug.

  • Running away from a killer is that much harder when you’re tipsy and giggling.

18. If you see someone in a mask, don’t assume it’s one of your friends playing a trick on you to scare you.

  • It is the killer.
  • ALSO: laughing while saying, “Tommy, is that you in that stupid mask? Oh, I’m so-o-o-o-o scared!” is not conducive to your surviving.
  • Killer’s are very sensitive about their disguises.

19. Don’t take a shower.

  • ONLY APPLIES IF:
  • It’s past midnight at the campground you and your sorority sisters are staying at or
  • The lock to the door doesn’t work and you hear creepy piano music

AND THE LAST AND MOST IMPORTANT:

20. If the call is coming from inside the house, get out.

  • Clearly the killer is not outside, now is he.
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Son_of_Magnus

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#2  Edited By Son_of_Magnus

The only way to survive a horror movie is if you are a quite but attractive white female who has relationship problems and home issues but still has a semi promising future

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#3  Edited By Precise

Oh and if you're with a group: DON'T SPLIT UP!

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#4  Edited By Son_of_Magnus
@Precise said:
" Oh and if you're with a group: DON'T SPLIT UP! "

 You dare question my tactics, boy?
 You dare question my tactics, boy?
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#5  Edited By TheBatGodComplex_
@FadeToBlackBolt said:
" My tips; 
 
  1. Be a woman
"
But not a whore.
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#6  Edited By Precise
@Son_of_Magnus: And they were always attacked when they split up, they all had to come together to catch the crook :P
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#7  Edited By Magian

And never say "Come on! What could possibly happen to me?". And girls have the tendency to trip when chased.

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#8  Edited By Sexy Merc

Having an IQ greater than a chipmunk helps too.

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#9  Edited By Donnieman v5.1

Nice list lol. I'll keep it in mind xD

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#10  Edited By Darkseid Elite

1. Don’t have sex. 
  I don't know about this one....

2. Don’t go out with people you’ve just met that day. 
What if they’re really hot?

3. Don’t go to camp. Especially one where someone was murdered.

Why would I want to go to camp when I could be home sleeping during the summer right?

4. Find a good hiding place and… STAY. THERE. 
Just don't hide in the closet or under the bed.

5. Always wear sensible shoes, ‘cause you never know when you’ll need to run through the woods. 
I always wear Nike shoes so I'll be ready to run.

6. If the town looks deserted, it’s probably because everyone is dead. 
I was never into traveling, I stay in my own town.

7. Don’t be a hero. 
I like showing off and being the center of attention sometimes so I might die on this one.

8. If you hear something creepy in the distance, like a dog’s yelp cut off mid-bark, don’t investigate. 
I wouldn't investigate if a person screamed, call the cops and move on.

9. Always check the backseat before entering your vehicle. 
I check under the car, around the car, down the street, around the corner whenever I'm alone at night.

10. If your car breaks down in front of a dilapidated gas station, don’t ask a sketchy-looking townie for help. 
I'll be having a nice jog home if this happens.

11. Don’t go into the basement. 
I never liked going in the basement in the first place.

12. If you’re trying to buy a house and the real estate agent won’t answer any direct questions about either the history of the home or the previous tenants, DO NOT MOVE IN. 
What if the house is super cheap?

13. Turn off the television (and run away) if a girl crawls out of it. 

I'm grabbing my bat and smashing that t.v. and then I'll run.
14. If the walls of your house bleed, do not attempt an exorcism.  
Could be that the house is on it's per...nevermind....

15. Don’t act like a detective. 

I was never good in forensics class anyway…
16. Google the location you’ll be vacationing at. 
See # 6.

17. Don’t get drunk. Or come under the influence of any mind-altering drug.

I don't do drugs or drink in the first place

18. If you see someone in a mask, don’t assume it’s one of your friends playing a trick on you to scare you. 
I have no friends.... :/ Imaginary count? :>

19. Don’t take a shower. 
I never shower, too busy on comicvine 24/7

20. If the call is coming from inside the house, get out.   
What if the call is from my mom?    

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#11  Edited By FadeToBlackBolt

My tips; 
 

  1. Be a woman
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#12  Edited By Bestostero

1. Don't be stupid.

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#13  Edited By _Sojourn_

I seriously LOLed at ever single one...Especially the DONT HAVE SEX 

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#14  Edited By Sexy Merc

Nice write-up though, marie.

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#15  Edited By agent9149

you forgot never challenge or say you are going to challenge or demonstrate that you can challenge the killer

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#16  Edited By FadeToBlackBolt
@rogue_mar1e said:

8. If you hear something creepy in the distance, like a dog’s yelp cut off mid-bark, don’t investigate.

  • The killer is there.
  • Also your dog is dead.

14. If the walls of your house bleed, do not attempt an exorcism. 

  • Move very very far away
  • Because there’s blood on your walls.
  • Blood.
  • Your
  • Walls
  • Are 
  • Bleeding.

18. If you see someone in a mask, don’t assume it’s one of your friends playing a trick on you to scare you.

  • It is the killer.
  • ALSO: laughing while saying, “Tommy, is that you in that stupid mask? Oh, I’m so-o-o-o-o scared!” is not conducive to your surviving.
  • Killer’s are very sensitive about their disguises.
These are my favourites, I lmao at the dog one. Nice job :)
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#17  Edited By Trench

Walk dont run should be up there

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#18  Edited By CellphoneGirl

OMFG! That is brilliant, and i'll make sure to remember this :P

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#19  Edited By Primmaster64

Contract Batman and Superman

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#20  Edited By Mr. Mercury

Perfect LOL!

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#21  Edited By I'maDC/ImageGuy!

Hire Alex Ross to draw my emotions of raw pain when I die.

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#22  Edited By Hellos

  
   
1. Keep the black guy alive to prevent your own death, that or just keep running man.
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#23  Edited By difficlus
@rogue_mar1e: @xhavoc86: @Precise: good points. to rogue this derserves you a follow...
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#24  Edited By rogue_mar1e
@Donnieman v5.1 said: 

" Nice list lol. I'll keep it in mind xD "

@Sexy Merc said: 

" Nice write-up though, marie. "

@xxCellPhoneGirlxx said: 

" OMFG! That is brilliant, and i'll make sure to remember this :P "

@Mr. Mercury said: 

" Perfect LOL! "

@difficlus said:
" @rogue_mar1e: @xhavoc86: @Precise: good points. to rogue this derserves you a follow... "

thanks :3 
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#25  Edited By difficlus
@Darkseid Elite said:
"

1. Don’t have sex. 
  I don't know about this one....

2. Don’t go out with people you’ve just met that day. 
What if they’re really hot?

3. Don’t go to camp. Especially one where someone was murdered.

Why would I want to go to camp when I could be home sleeping during the summer right?

4. Find a good hiding place and… STAY. THERE. 
Just don't hide in the closet or under the bed.

5. Always wear sensible shoes, ‘cause you never know when you’ll need to run through the woods. 
I always wear Nike shoes so I'll be ready to run.

6. If the town looks deserted, it’s probably because everyone is dead. 
I was never into traveling, I stay in my own town.

7. Don’t be a hero. 
I like showing off and being the center of attention sometimes so I might die on this one.

8. If you hear something creepy in the distance, like a dog’s yelp cut off mid-bark, don’t investigate. 
I wouldn't investigate if a person screamed, call the cops and move on.

9. Always check the backseat before entering your vehicle. 
I check under the car, around the car, down the street, around the corner whenever I'm alone at night.

10. If your car breaks down in front of a dilapidated gas station, don’t ask a sketchy-looking townie for help. 
I'll be having a nice jog home if this happens.

11. Don’t go into the basement. 
I never liked going in the basement in the first place.

12. If you’re trying to buy a house and the real estate agent won’t answer any direct questions about either the history of the home or the previous tenants, DO NOT MOVE IN. 
What if the house is super cheap?

13. Turn off the television (and run away) if a girl crawls out of it. 

I'm grabbing my bat and smashing that t.v. and then I'll run.
14. If the walls of your house bleed, do not attempt an exorcism.  
Could be that the house is on it's per...nevermind....

15. Don’t act like a detective. 

I was never good in forensics class anyway…
16. Google the location you’ll be vacationing at. 
See # 6.

17. Don’t get drunk. Or come under the influence of any mind-altering drug.

I don't do drugs or drink in the first place

18. If you see someone in a mask, don’t assume it’s one of your friends playing a trick on you to scare you. 
I have no friends.... :/ Imaginary count? :>

19. Don’t take a shower. 
I never shower, too busy on comicvine 24/7

20. If the call is coming from inside the house, get out.   
What if the call is from my mom?    

"
lmao good points here
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#26  Edited By The Sadhu
@Hellos said:
"
  
   1. Keep the black guy alive to prevent your own death, that or just keep running man. "

Gotta agree with this one dude! Damn it... I'm screwed!
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I can condense this into one rule.
 
#1. Don't be a dumbass.
 
Red Foreman would be proud.

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1. Don’t have sex.
Unless its a vampire movie or something involving ritual sacrifice of a virgin, then have sex with the nearest living creature,
and unprotected just to make sure.

3. Don’t go to camp. Especially one where someone was murdered.
Meh. Just not Camp Crystal Lake during haunting season. Any other camp
the most you'll suffer is mosquito bites.

6. If the town looks deserted, it’s probably because everyone is dead.
Or your in Idaho somewhere...

7. Don’t be a hero.
So true. Push your friends in front of you and tie their shoe laces together.
Let the monster munch on them while you take their car and get away. 

11. Don’t go into the basement.

No Caption Provided


13. Turn off the television (and run away) if a girl crawls out of it.
What if shes hurt from being stuck in a t.v. and needs medical attention?

16. Google the location you’ll be vacationing at.
So avoid most US cities. check, lol.

17. Don’t get drunk. Or come under the influence of any mind-altering drug.
It makes getting killed easier though. Im not the teenage heroine, Im the wisecracker,
Im dead anyways.

18. If you see someone in a mask, don’t assume it’s one of your friends playing a trick on you to scare you.
You can also confuse them by wearing a mask as well yourself. Its a logic bomb.

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#29  Edited By mikethekiller

Don't be black and if you are black don't the only one.

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#30  Edited By karrob
@Precise said:
" Oh and if you're with a group: DON'T SPLIT UP! "
yEP!
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#31  Edited By Silkcuts
@rogue_mar1e:  Loved the list.  So if I want to write a classic horror movie, just reverse the your safety tips.
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1-Never ever say "i'll be right back" because you wont :O
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#33  Edited By King Saturn
none of these things apply to Black People... cause whenever they are in a Horror Film... they are always getting killed
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#34  Edited By Cubethulhu
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#35  Edited By OmegaDynasty
@King Saturn said:
"none of these things apply to Black People... cause whenever they are in a Horror Film... they are always getting killed "

It's usally war movies that happens, Forest Gump anyone? War movies kill more black people then drugs and gang related crimes, it's a fact.
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#36  Edited By rogue_mar1e
@Silkcuts said:
" @rogue_mar1e:  Loved the list.  So if I want to write a classic horror movie, just reverse the your safety tips. "
haha, thanks :P
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#37  Edited By Ultimate JSA

i've got 5 rules 
 
1. always carry  guns pitstol, shotgun, and assult rivel with sivler bullets and regular bullets and a crossbow with wooden steks 
 
2. do not under any circumstance go into the basement 
 
3 if you see creepy townsfolk with no normal townsfolk get out of there anyway possible 
 
4 check your car 
 
5 if you hear anything girl/guy screaming, dog yelping, or you are in a creepy place do not investigate get the hell out of there 
 
and yes some rules are in the originall list but that is how important they are
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#38  Edited By grimlock
@The Umbra Sorcerer:  HA HA HA HA HAAARRGGHHHH!!!!
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#39  Edited By grimlock
@King Saturn: LOL! there really has to be a good reason for a black guy to survive...maybe if he's a translator or something
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#40  Edited By CDviper
@grimlock said:
" @King Saturn: LOL! there really has to be a good reason for a black guy to survive...maybe if he's a translator or something "
more like human shield for the part when the bad guy comes back for the final scare in the movie
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#41  Edited By Silver2467

LOL. Good advice. Horror movies are predictable in this manner. If any of these mistakes are made, someone dies. The end.