Some story I thought of when seeing the TWS elevator scene. By far my favorite scene in the MCU haha. Anyways here is a parody of it.
This is from the perspective of Bill, a desk employee at Shield
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I was sitting at my desk doing my com stat reports when suddenly I was approached by Brock Rumlow.
He tapped me on the shoulder. “Hey, Bill. We are going to give Cap a surprise birthday party. Do you want to join in? It is going to be in the elevator. It ‘s going to be awesome!”
I loved Captain America. As a kid he was my role model and the thought of giving him a surprse birthday party made me giddy.
“Sure Rumlow, what do you need me to do?”
He explained his plan to me and it was awesome. Cap was going to be in for a surprise!
-------- POV of Captain America-------
I was standing in the elevator waiting to get down to ground level. Suddenly, all of these men in SHIELD uniforms walked into the elevator. There had to be atleast a dozen of them.
My mind instantly flew into survival mode. There was only one reason a dozen armed men in uniforms would walk into an elevator with a sexy virgin like me.
They were going to rape me.
Suddenly, the moment of truth arrived. The man at the front of the elevator turned around and opened his mouth, probably to bark a command to rape me. Unfortunately for him, my body was already in fight mode.
To all who want to rape me. I won’t go down without a fight.
----------------POV of Bill-------------
WTF.
Why is Cap punching everyone? We were just going to yell “Happy Birthday!”.
Oh my god this is bad. Is he Hydra? Is he going to rape us?
I looked around me. Everyone was on the floor and unconscious and I was the last one standing. Cap looked at me and pulled his arm back. Shit
“Uh…” I chuckled nervously. “SURP--”
Unfortunately Bill was knocked out by Cap and is still suffering from head trauma. Please give your prayers to Bill.
------POV of Captain America-----
Phew. All those men that wanted to rape me were down for the count. Ugh, why do people want to make away my innocence so bad?
No one is going to rape me now.
Suddenly, I saw a horde of uniformed guards running towards me.
More rapists!
I was about to punch the down button until I noticed they were carrying a … cake?
I stood at the elevator while the men ran towards me. The leader, the one carrying the cake, yelled at me.
“HAPPY BIRTHDAY CAP!!!!” The men set down the enormous cake.
What?
Then he looked at the unconscious men.
“Cap, what the fuck?”
“LANGUAGE”
He looked angry. “WHat the hell cap? They were just going to say Happy Birthday to you!”
“No. They were going to rape me at once at and use handcuffs as well!” I protested.
He narrowed his eyes at me. “We had an awesome birthday party planned for you and Natasha was going to jump out of this cake!”
What? Nooooo. That sounded awesome.
He continued on angrily. “And then she was going to make out with Agent Hill”
“Oh craaaap,” What had I done?
“And then they were going to lap dance you and feed you the cake with their tongues!” She shouted at me.
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO”, I cried in anguish.
He glared at me. Unfortunately, my troubles weren’t over yet. The cake suddenly burst open and my superhuman reflexes, curse them, went into overdrive.
I punched Natasha in the face.
“Ow, Cap What the fuck?”, She shouted angrily, wiping blood from her nose. “I was going to surprise you!”
“Im so sorry Natasha! It was my super human reflexes.” I replied, tears springing to my eyes at my lost opportunity for hooking up with Nat.
“You’re such an asshole. No wonder you haven’t gotten laid. This is the last time we surprise you with anything.” She got out of the cake and signaled her men to leave. They left pretty quickly.
I sighed. I walked back into the elevator alone and dejected. This day was horrible! I can’t believe I was so paranoid.
Suddenly, my fancy cellphone flashed and I saw a text message from my friend Sharon Carter.
Sharon : Bae come over.
What the hell is bae?
I texted her bacl.
Steve: Can’t. Stuck in an elevator.
Sharon: Im Horny.
I froze. Hell no I wasnt letting this opportunity get away. But the damn elevator was so slow. It would take forever to reach ground level.
Unless….
I looked at my shield and the ground below of the elevator. Vibranium could survive anything and I was Captain America!
I took a deep breath, grabbed my shield, and body-slammed the glass window and braced myself for impact.
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Later that day, the world mourned the death of the American icon. Investigators speculate that he died in a frantic attempt to satisfy the desires of Agent Sharon Carter. It is unknown at this time whether or not Carter will be held responsible and if charges will be pressed.
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