How would batman beat Thor

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dave17

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Imagine you were writing a DC - Marvel crossover and due to an online vote batman HAD to beat Thor in battle, how would you write it so neither one looked out of character.

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krunkeela

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I would write it so that Thor would lose the battle in a terrible nightmare brought on by expired butter beer and cheese.

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Betatesthighlander1

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batman would get his ass whupped until Thor felt sorry for him and threw the fight

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NorrinBoltagonPrime21

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Asgardian repellent spray

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kidchipotle

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#5  Edited By kidchipotle

Prep!

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Tacos_Kickass

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Batman would lift Thors hammer and then beat him up with it all while yelling "BECAUSE IM THE GODDAMN BATMAN!!"

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4donkeyjohnson

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Asgardian repellent spray

Batman would lift Thors hammer and then beat him up with it all while yelling "BECAUSE IM THE GODDAMN BATMAN!!"

Excellent answers

Batman would win, by cheating!

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deactivated-5c901e667a76c

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He wouldn't.

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Veshark

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Batman would lift Thors hammer and then beat him up with it all while yelling "BECAUSE IM THE GODDAMN BATMAN!!"

I would pay to read this.

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evilvegeta74

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#10  Edited By evilvegeta74

By staying over in DCU, actually that wouldn't happen there either!

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Havenless

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#12  Edited By Havenless

If Batman ever lost, Geoff Johns and Bob Harras would keep rebooting everything until Thor said 'uncle.'

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spidermanandsuperman

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maybe get a green lantern ring

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evilvegeta74

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Call in the JL and hope Thor has been jobbing again, and not actually p*ss**-off!

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Night Thrasher

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Curl in a fetal position and blow on his rape whistle!

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evilvegeta74

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Curl in a fetal position and blow on his rape whistle!

LoL!!

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ccraft

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#17  Edited By ccraft

Batman picks up the hammer and beats Thor up with it lol

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ccraft

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Batman would lift Thors hammer and then beat him up with it all while yelling "BECAUSE IM THE GODDAMN BATMAN!!"

LMAO beat me to it

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SC

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#19 SC  Moderator

Thor pisses off Odin again and so Odin being Odin humbles him by putting him into the body of frail human who resides in Gotham City. This mortal would be a social worker who tries to do his best to bring hope to the run down and dark city that does its best to perpetually wear down its cynical inhabitants and eventually it takes its toll on the mortal who seeing the corruption and fifth criminals have on the city attempts to set about righting wrongs. After breaking into a building attached to Ra's al Ghul the mortal is chased by henchman and retreats to a room filled with various artifacts of Ghul's and after accidentally picking up and innocent looking cane he is transformed into Thor god of thunder.

Elsewhere Loki is being Loki and amusing himself by observing the actions and histories of one Batman and one Joker and rather than wait for the eternal waltz between both forces to play out draggingly and slowly he wishes to insert catalysts to prompt a showdown between both agents. Empowering both Batman and Joker with staggering newfound powers akin to deities he wonders if this increase in power will both escalate the actions of both individuals to such an extent that the balance between both would be broken and cause Batman to reign in Joker or allow Joker to invite chaos to Gotham. A somewhat disorientated god of thunder Thor now attached to a new mortal shell accidentally stumbles upon the war that wages between the Joker and Batman, both with powers that could rival his own. After fighting of god Joker which ends in a stalemate after god Joker decides to depart - Thor finds himself in a battle against the Batman god who despite being new to godhood, is able to adapt quite efficiently considering his intellect, will, cunning and determination. Thor believes he fights another villain, and Batman can't take any chances with the strange going ons of late and a Joker with god powers running around let alone the introduction of another god like being in his city.

Batman defeats Thor who is arguably already weakened by fighting the Joker god, and being out of his element, and well I mean Loki now hey. Odin being Odin is probably watching as well, and watching Batman attempt to lift Mjolnir? Odin probably has a soft spot for Bruce considering the daddy issues Batman has, and the death of his own son recently. Odin allows Batman to lift Thor's hammer, Thor recognizes that Batman is no villain and appeals to the gotham antihero. Loki is indulging in watching Joker tear up America but becomes flighty when he realizes that Batman and Thor have teamed up. His enchantments and spells are starting to wear off anyway and so the fun is near the end anyway so he attempts to make leave when he is confronted by Thor and god Batman who defeat him and send him to Odin for punishment. Batman and Thor now just need to stop god Joker - Batman fails to, as he isn't willing to kill, and Joker exploits this. Thor however despite also never wishing to harm a mortal deems Joker too dangerous and kills him. Batman doesn't approve of what Thor did but his divine powers are fading and to put a fine point on the matter he also finds himself unable to lift Mjonlir again. He is also reflective of the restraint that some of his teammates like Superman and Wonder Woman must carry as well as this new stranger Thor and the burden they must also carry. Thor recognizes Bruce as a good man, and a man of will and intensity that only one other man has matched before but also recognizes that he has outstayed his welcome and leaves Gotham. The farewell is stoic and respectful and in that order and priority.

Then Lady Sif and Valkyrie join Harley, Selina and Ivy for a night out of drinking, stealing and thugging.

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joshmightbe

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#20  Edited By joshmightbe

Well maybe if he caught Thor on a really bad day he could convince him to kill himself aside from that it ain't happening.

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Night Thrasher

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Telcalipoca

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JJ62

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#23  Edited By JJ62

He avoids Thor and outmaneuvers him due to the fact that Thor is arrogant and brash. He then avoids Thor's attacks until Odin shows up. After seeing how smart and how good of a fighter Batman is, Odin realizes that Batman would be a FAR better heir than the blonde haired diva (hehe) he then strips Thor of all his powers, abandons him and gives the power to Batman.

BAM! That's bad writing I know, but anything can go in a crossover.

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TifaLockhart

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I'd have them fighting behind a bar...

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law1602

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Thor's main weaknesses are occasional arrogance, midgard serpent poison, losing his hammer, and warriors madness

Batman could manipulate a situation where Thor believes himself to be unworthy of Mjolnir. Batman could also try to build a Thorbuster-like suit to combat him.

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GoldenEagle

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Ask Thanos nicely.

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Karkus

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#27  Edited By Karkus
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AKZ

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