How MCU Thor can beat DCEU Superman --- A Short Story

This is from the POV of thor

I walked through the halls of Asgard running my hands through my luscious Asgardian locks. Those dreadful Midgardians that hail from the hell called Comic Vine were insufferable. For years they had been begging me to beat this alien life-form who can literally crush my like a bug.

Frankly, it was time to stop. The alien's name was Kal- El and from what I had seen, he is very powerful. I think he is stronger than my friend from work, the mighty Hulk. Where was he anyways?

Anyways, why am I here? Well, I am sick of these people begging me to beat this being and the only way to shut up someone, is to give them what they wank.

Or I could hit them with Mjolnir but Mjolnir need not dirty Midgardian brains splattered all over it.

I had watched some Midgardian technology showing this alien's power and it was tremendous. Fortunately, I am mighty and I have figured out a genius plan to beat this insufferable blight with terrible clothing choices.

But first, I needed to pay a visit to my brother who is supposed to be dead...

------

"Loki! I need thy help!", I roared to my brother in the disguise of Odin. He thinks he can fool me? Ha!

"Whaaaa??? I'm not Loki. I am your father!," "Odin" responded to me.

I rolled my eyes. He was a good liar but it was obvious I got him off guard

" I need your help beating this alien named Kal - El. Will you help me brother?"

"I am not your brother. I am your father,"

This was annoying. "Brother. We are both fictional characters. Please just help me and I will help you back. Maybe we can beat up Odin too."

"Odin" rolled his eyes and transformed into Loki. "Well, what do you need?"

I leaned in and whispered my dastardly plan.

-------

Actually I was not done forming my plan yet. I needed to pay a visit to this weird giggly joker Midgardian named Alexander Luthorson.

With the help of Loki and Heimdall, I snuck the man out of there and asked Loki kindly to replace him with his illusion.

"What is this? Abducting a criminal is a federal offense. Mhahhahahaha", Alexander giggled uncontrollably.

I rolled my eyes. This was the man who had manipulated the Bat-God and the alien I was supposed to unrealistically defeat? He looked like something out of a Midgardian television! Mickey Mouse perhaps?

Regardless, the man was smart and might have access to the only weapon that can hurt the Kryptonian: Kryptonite.

"Does thou have kryptonite?" I asked politely.

The man's eyes lit up like a child. "Kryptonite?" He whispered sweetly. "Are you going to kill that insufferable Superman?"

"That is the plan my friend."

"Well, I have one safely stored up in a box with all my favorite cartoons. You can grab it from there."

"Thank You Alexander. Your assistance is appreciated. On behalf of my great grand-mother Martha, I thank you."

It was a risk saying Martha. The Bat god could be anywhere but I needed to show Lex I was serious.

------

Lex returned back to his cell and I got kryptonite. With this, I was ready to bring down this false God. He would suffer for humiliating me in Comic Vine threads.

I gathered up my courage and got ready to face down this powerful being. Thankfully, I had not eaten.

With the help of Loki, I sent a very discreet Midgardian message on a small box (or cell phone as Midgard calls it) to the Kryptonian's small box. I told him that I had kidnapped Lois and if he did not appear in 30 minutes to fight me, I would kill her. Loki and I managed to create a small knife with the Kryptonite. The only problem was that I had to get close to him to use it. He was fast.

Apparently, the alien had supposedly died but that was not the case. I had to do it my self.

I met the Kryptonian in the same spot he had been humiliated by the Bat- God. He descended from the sky , his eyes glowing red.

"Where is SHE?" He roared. I shivered involuntarily. Was this man not supposed to the symbol of hope and not a scary alien?

"Yield! My name is Thor and I am the God of Thunder!!!!" I roared throwing Mjolnir in the air and having lightning strike all around me.

Then I frowned. Odin, had said we were not gods.

"Sorry. I mean I am the Guy of Thunder!!!!"

I was quite pleased with myself. My lightning is very attractive.

He glared at me and began to walk forward. His every step quaking Midgard. "I won't ask again. Where. Is. She?"

I pointed behind him. "Right there"

The Man of Steel looked behind and his jaw dropped.

Behind him was his "Lois" stripping and dancing on a pole. With her was another Midgardian female kissing her and intimately touching her.

Superman was speechless. His mouth began to drool. His drool was so powerful it was causing cracks in the floor. If he drooled some more, there would be trouble.

"Hubababababababab," Superman muttered incorrigably, utterly enchanted by the beauty of her mortal lover making love to another female as attractive as her.

I stepped closer to the alien. He did not see me. This was amazing. Everything was going to plan. The alien was enchanted by Loki's illusions and I had a clear shot at shutting up those viners.

I clenched the knife like my life depended on it and soon I got close enough to the point where I could smash it into his chest.

FInding his heart, I surged my hand forward and my blade found the Kryptonian's chest and it sliced through his chest like butter.

Blood oozed from his wound and he coughed blood. It had worked! The Kryptonian would be dead soon.

He looked at me. "Why?" He whispered faintly.

I had given him a happy death at the very least. "You are not the hero Midgard deserves nor the one it needs. DIe peacefully young one. For Martha."

Suddenly, I lurched forward. I looked down at my chest to see an Asgardian spear protruding through it. Blood spurted through my mouth.

"WHY DID YOU SAY THAT NAME?????", A deep masculine voice roared.

No... Not the Bat-God. He was supposed to be defeating Thanos and Darkseid at the same time.

My last thoughts were of Jane. Life had been a joy but I was glad that I would finally be able to meet my great grandmother Martha.

I closed my eyes and the Guy of Thunder, and the Kryptonian, let out their last breaths.

-------

Lol, what do you guys think? Just something I threw together in a few minutes.

or just say thor city bust like normal people on the vine do.

pretty good. i had a decent chuckle at the end.

When the Ragnarok trailer is received so well that your preferences insecurity bursts out and you feel the need to make a petty thread that won´t even get 1/10000000000000000000th the views that the Ragnarok teaser got, you know is time to change priorities in life.

lol DCEU Supes having better feats makes them feel content with their lives...

That makes me laugh and sad at the same time, I guess they do not understand that a character´s appeal is not based on power levels, makes me wonder if they like Superman because of who he is as a character or just because he is powerful.

You do realize this is a joke right? I actually made fun of dc quite a bit in there. Try to find it...

@thor_parker82: Bro... i liked the ragnarok trailer. Im going to see it in theaters as I will with most cbms this year and the next year and going on...

having a dad who loves cbms with a six figure salary and a lot of free time lets me watch a lot of movies

@thor_parker82: idk ive preferred man of steel over all the thor movies so far. they have been pretty bad and the action is not worthy of a god of thunder. villain wasnt great either.

in contrast i thought mos had the best superpowered fight scenes ever. there are better H2H scenes but mos delivered the best superpowered fight scenes imo. also zod was a great villain and malakith ... who was he again?

I prefer MOS to both Thor movies as well, and everybody know the high-powered fight scenes on the DCEU are on another level thanks to Snyder, doesn´t make Superman a better character than Thor though, it is all subjective, just be careful not to choke on your insecurities.

@thor_parker82: what insecurities?

ive been on the computer for three ish hours right now righting an AP english essay and cycling between comic vine. wrote this story in between as well.

im not sure which is more cancerous... writing ap english essays or reading to replies like yours

@thor_parker82: @thelastdragonborn:

OUCH

It is extremely sad.

@chris-sama:

Yeah ap english is less cancerous

@thelastdragonborn: I actually thought it was pretty funny and good the only thing that's missing is city busting LOL

@marvelanddcfan24: Yeah i should have poked fun of it. Let me edit.

its not letting me edit unfortunately.

HAHAHHAHAHSHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA BRUUUH I'm dyying LMAAO! The Martha parts and

On a serious note though, Thor fans are some of the most insecure fans I have ever seen and come across. Can't take a single joke about their beloved Slowdinson. I wonder how they act when someone in real life makes a joke about Thor. It's cringy. Satire is satire and unless it's about something serious, it's totally fine. The level of insecurity showing from Thor fans are incredibly stupid.

@thelastdragonborn: Kudos bro, this was a great laugh. I can't believe how creative people on the internet, especially Comicvine, can be. I laughed so hard.

Also, don't reply to or read the cringe-worthy Slowdinson fans expressing their insecurities over how butthurt they are. The fact that they compare views of a Thor video to a satire made on a comic book site just to try and diss you is more than enough evidence that they are indeed insecure as hell. It gives me aids.

Also, that last comment you wrote, BURN!

@TheLastDragonborn: Take all my money, take my children's money, take my family's money lmfao man this is hilarious, This needs to be made into one of those short animated video like how it should have ended or those by Toon sandwich.

Lmfao I'd enjoy an adult swim series of this shit. Like marvel and DC should band together this once to make short videos like this lmfao

nope

@del_torro: Glad you enjoyed it. Ill try to make some more. Any suggestions?

I thought this would be a Thor fanboy post but I ended up chuckling at the end so I guess that's fine. Batman killing Thor at the end was a nice touch.

@TheLastDragonborn: do you want to focus only on MCU and DCEU characters, or with other a movies and anime. Something making fun of Russoforce cap and Rey from star wars would be funny

LOOOOL

@del_torro: Hm ill try to think of something. Will be a while though. Satire is awesome. My favorite unit in AP english was satire lol. I wrote an essay mocking collegeboard (the organization in charge of sat and ap testing and someone thought it would be a good idea to privatise education... those greedy bastards)

I am most familiar with mcu/dceu/fox. Also whenever i make this i try to make fun of both universes so i dont get called out lol

Seriously though, this was hilarious. I love Batman killing Thor out of nowhere, didn't see that coming.

@firestormfate1919 said:

@thelastdragonborn said:

@thor_parker82: what insecurities?

ive been on the computer for three ish hours right now righting an AP english essay and cycling between comic vine. wrote this story in between as well.

im not sure which is more cancerous... writing ap english essays or reading to replies like yours

Seriously though, this was hilarious. I love Batman killing Thor out of nowhere, didn't see that coming.

Yeah, the way he used the Martha joke and combined it with Bat-God haahahahahhahhahahaha

@thelastdragonborn:

Behind him was his "Lois" stripping and dancing on a pole. With her was another Midgardian female kissing her and intimately touching her.

Superman was speechless. His mouth began to drool. His drool was so powerful it was causing cracks in the floor. If he drooled some more, there would be trouble.

Bro, at this point I couldn't even breath

*EDIT*

It was a risk saying Martha. The Bat god could be anywhere but I needed to show Lex I was serious.

This as well, bruuuuuuh AHHAHHAHAHHA

@thelastdragonborn: whenever I see you.. not only you but dammefavour too. Don't you guys have anything good with your life rather than creating these immatures threads and shitting on mcu fans? I mean look around in cv. There are good threads arounds. You can learn from them. Always calling out and making fun of people who do not agree with you will not help at all. Its just you acting like a cry baby. Come on man. I know your old enough now or maybe you are not but you can atleast behave like one in comic vine. You know there are also mature and smarts kids around. Good day

What is really cringy, and dumb is to think you actually can have an effect in the movie medium by making some random threads (with negative connotation) in a comics site (where its all about preferences and 30 people will read it) about a fictional character just because the trailer for his next movie got a spectacular reception, and in your heads this same fictional character represents a threat to your fav. fictional character... (LOL)

And it will be even more cringy to say that all this sudden Mcu Thor threads by Dceu fans with default support posts is organic and not based on Thor teaser trailer preferences insecurity, or perhaps not really cringy, but just sad and pitiful, because only people with a poor appreciation of fiction would resume this characters to power levels and feats achieved in very different narratives and worldbuldings. And try to hide preferences insecurity in threads with this content and then jump in every other just to support the idea that your preferences would beat the characters that (in your heads) represents opposition to that same preferences is not cringy but stupid, because everyone with just a few days in a comic book site knows how preferences work in this medium, SO YEAH IT WAS JUST A TEASER TRAILER FOR A MOVIE, and there is nothing you (and other insecure fans) can do to change the general perceptions of the movie medium, that is basically just like the very cringy idea that some Dceu fans had to shut down Rotten Tomatoes... Its really bad for this medium to keep having such primitive and embarrassing behaviors...

@asgaard: This is just a joke. What the hell is wrong with you Thor fans? Seriously, I don't know what's more stupid and funny; the satire the OP made or Thor fans being butthurt over satire and criticism. The fact that you're comparing an official trailer to this just goes to show how insecure and butthurt you are.

You will have big troubles to spin it, in the direction that you want with me, because i always will focus in your (and others) true intentions, first i don't care (or post) for fictional battles (fans made) between fictional characters, second i did not compare any fictional content to Thor 3 teaser trailer, what i said was that you (and others) are just using this and other Mcu Thor threads (don't act like this was the only one created after Thor 3 teaser trailer) to try to give negative connotation to a fictional character just because his teaser trailer had a spectacular reception... That way you (and others) are just showing your preferences insecurity... Even if you try (again) to look like you don't get what i am saying, it doesn't mean that the others don't get what i am saying, and we all make CV, less preferences insecurity = better site with better content...

I'm a thor fan yet this made me laugh. I wont let my inner fan boy come out today. I have one question though, was the other girl loki himself or just an ordinary Illusion? XD. because if it was loki, damn! loki had the best part of the story and got to seduce superman himself XD

@asgaard:

the only thing which made me laugh more than your post are the butthurt thor fans here XD.

@liqmidiq said:

@asgaard:

So you can't even reply to anything of what i said? 0 (Zero)? From who started so (in)secure, to resume to gifs, is kinda cringy, at least from a debate stand point...

I appreciate a lot that comment, and would not mind at all that others keep saying that... For the most part is only the standard reaction, when there is a clear notion that you can't really dismantle what you are trying to downgrade/criticize... In other words... Its just like that battle forums "X character stomps", nothing more than dull expressions...

@asgaard: There's nothing to debate because you're acting like a feminist sJW who's salty because someone said men are superior to women.

Really!?! Is that the best you can accuse me of? I will remind you of what i said in my others replies to you...

because only people with a poor appreciation of fiction would resume this characters to power levels and feats achieved in very different narratives and worldbuldings.

first i don't care (or post) for fictional battles (fans made) between fictional characters.

Now what you just said can be applied to you, because you will certainly keep posting in feats and battle threads, to try to make your preferences look superior, BUT I NEVER DID OR WILL DO THAT, so what you wrote above is just a pure lie... I posted in this thread because you were accusing/demonizing Thor fans, it could be in one of the other sudden (Thor 3 teaser trailer insecurity) threads about Mcu Thor, but it was in this one because you (and others) want to spread the notion that the problem is with Thor fans not accepting a satire, when this recent Mcu Thor threads are nothing more than a reaction to a teaser trailer that you want to camouflage, and prevent others to point that out... Not sure how you think that you and others can be in the assertive position here... Look at your behavior...

"We support our preferences in basically every thread, but this one was genuinely made just for satire & fun... That heavy discussions about feats of our preferences that we constantly have, don't influence our mindset at all... We are really assertive users..."

@asgaard: @asgaard:Dude, c'mon, at this point you're laughable. I have no idea why you've dragged something so small so far. You don't see me getting butthurt because you said this:

lol DCEU Supes having better feats makes them feel content with their lives...

This really proves how insecure you are. The thread I made was a legitimate thread. I have no idea why you're so salty and insecure. Just stop tagging me.

@liqmidiq: dude you can stop acting like a saint. It is pretty clear this shit is more than a 'joke'. I can call you a dumb shit and say it was a joke but i am pretty sure you will get mad or even i will. And the amount of insecurity shit you are bringing in. Plz do not bring that bs. Because 1) this thread is an example of dceu fanboy insecurity hidden with camouflages called bat god and martha. 2)i have seen you and pretty many hating on thor.

So you calling thor fans insecure is lame and moot. Thx. Now you can upload the gif

@liqmidiq: With a name like liq mi diq I'd have to assume your either a troll or a 10 year old. Lmfao at least put some effort into you name Bruh.

@asgaard: @lone_wolf_and_cub: @samconery: Guys, it's literally just a joke. This made fun of the DCEU just as much as it did the MCU, and you guys are getting way too worked up. This wasn't a serious critique, it's not dissing Thor's content, and if you really don't care about the Battle Boards why do you care about how powerful Thor is depicted. If you don't find it funny that's fine, but it's really reaching to actually be offended by this stuff.

@firestormfate1919: Don't lump me into any of this nonsense. I just wanted to point out his name was really bad in a cringe worthy way.

Are you guys serious? You realize I bashed dc a shit ton right?

I bashed batman fanboys (bat-god), martha scenes ,lex luthor, and more

@asgaard: what the hell are you talking about? you seriously think I made this in response to the awesome thor ragnarok teaser?

no lmfao i made this because i had free time and thought it would be funny

I hope you had notice, that i didn't directly reply to you or any of this thread O.P., like you can see below and above, its about the accusations to Thor fan base, not acknowledging all the sudden Mcu Thor threads, that curiously (most) have negative connotation and were made by Dceu fans...

What are your debate standards!?! Now you are using a quote that i never said!?! That is kinda cringy...

I am the one insecure but you are the one who is making threads as a reaction to this (i was going to say discussion) but its nothing more than a simple interaction since you can't debate...

So in your idea, you just can accuse others, and then when someone puts in question that accusations, you post gifs and make new accusations (Feminist/Sjw), claim something that i didn't say, and then ask to not tag you more? That only proves everything i said about your and others intentions with this recent Mcu Thor threads...

If you didn't read what i posted in the post #38 here it is again... Specially the underlined part...

I posted in this thread because you were accusing/demonizing Thor fans, it could be in one of the other sudden (Thor 3 teaser trailer insecurity) threads about Mcu Thor, but it was in this one because you (and others) want to spread the notion that the problem is with Thor fans not accepting a satire, when this recent Mcu Thor threads are nothing more than a reaction to a teaser trailer that you want to camouflage, and prevent others to point that out... Not sure how you think that you and others can be in the assertive position here... Look at your behavior...

"We support our preferences in basically every thread, but this one was genuinely made just for satire & fun... That heavy discussions about feats of our preferences that we constantly have, don't influence our mindset at all... We are really assertive users..."

Can you understand that the problem is not necessarily with just this thread and its content?

Also don't forget that in post #26 you were posting gifs and trying to make fun of other user, and here just supporting liqmidiq, you are obviously free to do/post whatever you want, i just don't think you are in any kind of assertive position here... When someone write something assertive, i will certainly acknowledge it, like i always do...

I already reply to everyone in the post above... Hope you get what i said...

@asgaard: And here he goes again... That thread was a serious thread. The fact that you think it's a joke thread just goes to show. I've never seen any fans so edgy over a fictional character. Just stop tagging me if you don't like what I say. You even straight out lied about what you yourself said. Lol

This is really pathetic.

You do accuse others a lot, the dogs part was unnecessary, and shows your classless...

That thread was so genuine and serious that got locked immediately...

As for the quote that you are saying that i used...

lol DCEU Supes having better feats makes them feel content with their lives...

It was used by Thorthunder98 in post #5, but if lying about something and accuse me of doing that makes you feel better OK... You already showed how low standards you have...

I guess the most fun part of all this is the accusations and language that you made/use, and still calming that all is just a joke...

I don't tag you because i don't like what you say, i tag you because i easily dismantle what you say...