WWEAU: Dark League Rumble Recap

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Welcome to the Dark League 50 Person* Rumble! Fifty of the meanest, fittest, luckiest, and dangerous from the DLW competing for a shot to main event Darkest Night 3 against current champ George Washington!

The reinforced ring is bulging as the fifty squeeze in. The bell sounds and it’s utter chaos! Mario is first eliminated by Frankenstein whilst Vigo the Carpathian is shoved out by Logan. Hercules shows Wong the canvas while Issac Newtown pairs with Scarecrow to hoist out Leatherface.

Pinhead takes out Akuma and in a move that’ll have repercussions, Doc Holliday clothesline’s Wyatt Earp out. Boba Fett ends Hercules’ run as Spawn takes out Pinhead who in turn is removed by James Bond.

Thanos throws Bond over the top rope and into the crowd as Raphael sunset flips Boba Fett over the top. Indiana Jones forces Issac Newton our quipping “You belong in a museum!”

Bane removes Shaka Zulu, Raphael clotheslines Joker out, Soundwave ends Logan’s run (get it?) as Quicksilver slams Scarecrow to the outside.

Thanos cops a drop kick from Raphael as the ninja turtle hits three eliminations. Solomon Grundy teams with Mike Hagar to upend the Thing. Jonah Hex takes out Soundwave and Raphael gets his fourth by taking out “ninja” Reptile.

Killer Croc forces Doc Holliday out when Bane causes the shock of the night by picking Raphael up and dumping him to the floor! The angry turtle swears revenge and has to be escorted to the back.

Teddy Roosevelt double clotheslines Jonah Hex and Gambit over only to have Jim Gordon quickly tip him out. Quicksilver is removed by speedy teammate Professor Zoom who shrugs and says “I’m a bad guy, what did you expect?”

Frankenstein tosses Alucard, Daredevil and Capone double team Jim Gordon whilst Luigi & Glass Joe eliminate themselves in comical fashion. Shang Tsung ends Mike Haggar time as Lucian throws Mad Hatter our. Flash hits superspeed and rapidly ends Nobunaga Oda, Starlord and Indiana Jones but Falcon sticks his foot out and boom Flash tumbles out!

Jack the Ripper takes out Masamune Date. Bane picks up Capone and throws him through the 2nd rope. Capone dusts himself off and puts a hand out to congratulate Bane on a nice elimination and Bane takes his hand which leads to HIS downfall! The irate supervilain kicks the crimelord in the groin and powerslams him onto the Slytherin announcers table before storming off.

Falcon sidesteps Killer Croc, hitting him with a shining wizard that sends the reptilian thug home for the night. Stay Puft puts Lucian out as Ryu hadouken’s Shang Tsung out.

Jack the Ripper shows Falcon the door, Frankenstein slams Ryu out then grabs Stay Puft’s leg. The marshmallow man kicks Jack the Ripper out as he struggles to stay upright; soon everyone joins in to heft the soft gooey wrestler out.

Solomon Grundy, Frankenstein and Daredevil circle each other. Suddenly the two big men grab DD, lift him up and double chokeslam to the canvas! They pick the winded hero of Hell’s Kitchen up again and double chokeslam him outside leaving the two of them to face each other in the ring. The crowd roars as Al Capone rolls into the ring. HE WAS NEVER ELIMINATED!!

Frankenstein is confused, which is isn’t that hard for a guy with a dead man’s reanimated brain, and he lurches at Capone. The little Italian gangster runs to the ropes and pulls the top one down, but Frank’s momentum isn’t enough to carry him out...so Grundy grabs a leg and helps out.

Al Capone and Solomon Grundy stand there panting. Forty eight down, only one to go. They trade blows and the bigger man easily dominates, Capone still reeling from his Bane encounter. Al puts up a fight but a massive swinging arm from the man born on a Monday ends this rumble.

SOLOMON GRUNDY WINS!! He gets to face George Washington for the DLW World Title.