Wild Western: The Red Fog #8

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#1  Edited By batkevin74  Online

More tales located here: http://www.comicvine.com/profile/cbishop/blog/wild-western-roundup/103567/

Previous chapter: http://www.comicvine.com/forums/fan-fic-8/wild-western-the-red-fog-7-1658924/

No Caption Provided

12th February 1857, Columbia, Missouri

“Did you hear about Fitzpatrick?” asked the Postmaster as he busied himself as Black Snake Betty eyed the local notice board.

“No,” she replied with a shrug.

“Damn fool slipped and fell under the train yesterday, lost both his legs! May not make it through to this evening.”

“That’s…real unlucky,” she replied hiding her knowing smirk as she pulled down the wanted poster of Morgan Fogg. “Any more of these?”

The Postmaster rubbed his top lip in deep thought before rummaging through a pile. “Just two. That one and this one I hadn’t put up yet. Came in this morning.”

“Seems Judge Clemens thinks I can’t do the job he paid me for,” said Betty as she crossed the room. “Arrogant gavel tapping hick. May I have these?”

He hesitated before handing it over. Betty flicked him a coin. “Rather not have any competition is all. Much obliged.”

**

Morgan Fogg emerged from the tepee to greet the rising sun. His arm was bandaged and held snugly in a sling. A little girl, no older than five, stopped cold and stared at him in amazement.

No Caption Provided

He crouched down to her level and smiled. “Hi.”

She screamed like she’d been bitten by a rattler at a pitch only little girls and animals being slaughtered can manage. Morgan slowly stood back up. “Nice to meet you too.”

Honiahaka, his father’s sister, came to greet him. <How do you feel Red Bear?>

<Tired but good> Morgan said. <Where am I?>

<Reservation> she replied sadly. <White man says we stay here>

<Is there anything I can do to help?>

<You can leave!>

No Caption Provided

Morgan turned to see a large Indian brave standing behind him, arms folded, scowl on his face. Morgan looked at the man before realising it was his cousin, Hiamovi. <Been a while Whirlwind>

<You do not belong here Red Bear, never did.> Hiamovi said gruffly.

Honiahaka poked her son in the chest <He is your cousin and our guest!>

<Have I done something wrong?> asked Morgan.

<White people speak with forked tongues and bring trouble!> Hiamovi grunted.

Morgan pointed to his face <Do I look white?>

Hiamovi spat on the ground <You do not belong here> And he stomped off.

<What is his problem?> Morgan asked. Honiahaka took him by his good arm and led him towards the sounds of drumming.

<His wife was killed when the white men told us to move. He is angry and you are the closest white man>

Morgan shook his head <White people call me red, my people call me white.>

<You walk two worlds Red Bear> she said <A blessing and a curse. Whirlwind will come round. You were best of friends as children. Now come.>

They wandered down to a large flat dirt circle as seven men danced and yelped as over a dozen others banged drums in time. The tribe slowly came together as the dance intensified. Morgan watched intently as memories of his father doing this when he was a boy, much to his mother’s disgust.

<What are they doing?> asked Morgan as he tried to remember himself.

<Sun dance> Honiahaka handed him a cup <Thanking Maheo for the new day. Hoping it will be better than yesterday>

“Maheo...All spirit,” Morgan said in English “God, as my mother would say.”

He sipped the drink as he watched the ritual as the sun slowly rose.

**

12th February 1857, 12 miles out of Fulton, Missouri

No Caption Provided

“The Hook Hand Gang?” Ellison Quimby scoffed as he rode along with The German, Klaus Mannheim, and the owner of said hook Frank Waterman. “Who put you in charge anyways?”

“Zis is not a gut name,” added Klaus.

Frank reared his horse. “Well you got a better name huh? And seeing as you ain’t done nothin’ but complain is probably the reason I’m in charge!”

“You only haf one hand,” added Klaus as he stopped. “Zis iz not leadership material. I shall lead uz.”

“Ov…” Ellison started and then remembered what the big German had done to the doctor back in Jefferson. “What’re you going to call us?”

“Nacht Räubers!” declared Klaus proudly.

“What in the blue blazes does naked rubber mean?” shouted Frank. “This is Missouri not Prussialand you giant bearded idiot!”

Klaus drew his hatchet “I will loze more than your hand mein friend if you speak to me like zat again.”

“ENOUGH!” yelled Ellison. “Like women you two! Can we just do what we agreed to do? Maybe I'll just ride on out to Utah and join my cousin's gang in Bleach where they act like men.”

Ellison whipped his horse and galloped on. Waterman and The German glared at each other for a while before they followed him towards Fulton.

**

<How long is he staying?> muttered Hiamovi asked his mother as they sat by the fire for the evening meal.

<As long as he wants. He is family>

<Not my family!> snapped Hiamovi as he stormed off into the night. Morgan watched his cousin, placed his food down and started after him when Honiahaka grabbed his arm.

<Leave him. Chasing a bee only makes the hive more restless>

Morgan looked at his aunt and not knowing how to say it, replied in English as he walked off. “Sometimes you just gotta get it out in the open”

**

13th February 1857, Columbia, Missouri

Black Snake Betty stood waiting for the stagecoach; the other two passengers stood a noticeable distance from her. Betty turned and stepped towards them and yelled “Boo!” making them jump.

She looked at her pocket watch. Morgan Fogg hadn’t shown in Columbia which Betty had assumed would be a logical port of call for him using the information she’d gotten via Sheriff Abraham Wallace and Fogg’s troubles in Jefferson City and Fort Smith. Betty checked her watch again. The noon coach was running late meaning she’d be late into Jefferson; another day lost on the trail of the man known as The Red Fog.

**

13th February 1857, Fulton, Missouri

No Caption Provided

“Reach for the sky!” yelled Frank Waterman through his bandana as he charged into the bank, gun in one hand and shaking his hook hand. The terrified customers of the Fulton Municipal Savings & Loans screamed as Klaus hit a man in the back with his hatchet sending him to the floor like a dropped deer as Ellison Quimby, with his bandana pulled up also, covered the door with his Springfield Model 1855 rifle musket.

“We are…” Waterman pondered, remembering the arguments on the way to Fulton before having a burst of inspiration. “The Morgan Fogg Gang!”

**

Morgan woke up, clinging to a tree that he’d made his bed as he’d wandered through the night trying to find his angry cousin. In the distance he could hear the tribal drums starting as the sun crept over the horizon. He rubbed bark and morning dew off his face as he stretched to get the kinks out. A snap of twigs caught his ear. He went for his gun but it was back in the tepee. Slowly he turned, hoping it wasn’t the werewolf come to finish him off.

To be continued…

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#2  Edited By cbishop
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@batkevin74: This has a few spots where it looks like you started to word it one way, then reworded it, but didn't edit out the original bits. Makes some of it a messy read. And this part is just being picky, but your time/location headings aren't consistent. Some of them are date/year/place, and some are date/place/year. Like I said, picky, but fix iiiiiit. :}

Other than that, cool as always. Brilliant bit on the sudden name change to the gang. :)

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#4 batkevin74  Online

@cbishop: "This has a few spots where it looks like you started to word it one way, then reworded it, but didn't edit out the original bits. Makes some of it a messy read" Can you point them out so I can fix them, since being too close I can't see what you're talking about

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#5  Edited By ImpurestCheese

@batkevin74: Wow so now we have a guy with a hook. Still loving Betty and Klaus. Some of the dialogue feels clunky, but could easily be fixed with a little reversal.

"What do you mean reversal?" Questioned Batkevin, as he tied Impurest to some railroad tracks.

"Reversal, you know writing it like Batkevin said." Impurest answered, as Batkevin checked his pocket watch. He was lucky, the 5:22 to Austin was running on time for once.

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#6 batkevin74  Online

@impurestcheese: He's had a hook since last issue when he and Doc Jensen exchange words, which leads to Doc getting a hatchet to the face

But yeah, need a bit more actual pointing out though the story was lovely

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@batkevin74: Basically you keep swapping between two different ways of explaining dialouge (either dialouge type, speaker or speaker, dialogue type). Not sure if that's what @cbishop: was getting at or not though.

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#8  Edited By batkevin74  Online

@impurestcheese: I do that all the time. In every story. Sometimes it's action/intention and then speech and then the reverse.

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#9 batkevin74  Online
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@batkevin74: Sorry, went to bed shortly after my comments. I see that you've edited it now. I'll take a look in a few. :)

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@batkevin74: Lot's of moving pieces, so that's always a plus. Btw, since it's still the 1850's wouldn't Klaus be referred to as the Prussian instead of the German?

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#12 batkevin74  Online

@dngn4774: Yeah, I worked that out a bit too late so whoops! But yeah technically he should be The Prussian but...um...he was a pioneering member of the General German Workers Association (like six years before its formation) and a vocal proponent of unification of his country (which happens in 1870), and when he arrived and started his campaign of badness he violently corrected people with his hatchet until the name The German stuck.

That or I go back and edit it...which may be easier.

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@dngn4774: Yeah, I worked that out a bit too late so whoops! But yeah technically he should be The Prussian but...um...he was a pioneering member of the General German Workers Association (like six years before its formation) and a vocal proponent of unification of his country (which happens in 1870), and when he arrived and started his campaign of badness he violently corrected people with his hatchet until the name The German stuck.

That or I go back and edit it...which may be easier.

I really wish we had "Like" buttons, so I could just check that and keep moving. I mean, I like this comment, but I didn't really need to comment back. Yet here I am. "Like" buttons- that's all I'm asking for. We can show our dislike with snark and flame wars, like the rest of the Internet. Is this so much to ask?

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@cbishop said:

@batkevin74 said:

@dngn4774: Yeah, I worked that out a bit too late so whoops! But yeah technically he should be The Prussian but...um...he was a pioneering member of the General German Workers Association (like six years before its formation) and a vocal proponent of unification of his country (which happens in 1870), and when he arrived and started his campaign of badness he violently corrected people with his hatchet until the name The German stuck.

That or I go back and edit it...which may be easier.

I really wish we had "Like" buttons, so I could just check that and keep moving. I mean, I like this comment, but I didn't really need to comment back. Yet here I am. "Like" buttons- that's all I'm asking for. We can show our dislike with snark and flame wars, like the rest of the Internet. Is this so much to ask?

Tags would also be nice, and more than 5 fonts. We should make a list of demands!

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@dngn4774 said:

@cbishop said:

I really wish we had "Like" buttons, so I could just check that and keep moving. I mean, I like this comment, but I didn't really need to comment back. Yet here I am. "Like" buttons- that's all I'm asking for. We can show our dislike with snark and flame wars, like the rest of the Internet. Is this so much to ask?

Tags would also be nice, and more than 5 fonts. We should make a list of demands!

They had tags when it was still Whiskey Media. Those were cool and all, but a bit of a pain-in-the-uh-oh too. I don't really miss them. Fonts would be cool for writing different character voices, but then you're going to get trolls who argue, "I know it's a comic site, but Comic Sans is for twelve year old girls!" ...I really hate being able to see both sides of an argument.

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@cbishop: And I really hate that the side that doesn't like Comic Sans exists at all! It's really a shame because fonts give writers more options to express themselves which is something that the fanfic section could use more of. Don't get me wrong, adding images to post is an amazing feature, in fact it's the reason I prefer comicvine over most other mediums, but there is still a lot more resources that could add style to our stories.

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#17  Edited By cbishop

@dngn4774: No, I get that. I think it's stupid that anyone would care about the font, but this is the Internet- people are going to b!tch about something. As far as more fonts go, an option is to type it in Microsoft Paint (I haven't used Photoshop, so don't know if that's easier or possible or whatever), and post the story as a MS Paint picture. I've done that with a poem I posted on here. It's clunky and time consuming, but doable.

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Y'know this gang of Rogues that you seem to be putting together is getting better and better with each issue. I'm really starting to love each of them in their own way.

Morgan's encounter with his... tribe? (Is it tribe? I'm going to call it tribe.) was the best part of the issue carrying quite a bit of emotion.

Also Morgan's personality has really started to grow on me. Being the somewhat narcissistic/wisecracking badass that he is.

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#19 batkevin74  Online

@tommythehitman: It's a family reunion and yeah it's a tribe.

Glad you're liking Morgan, I think he's pretty good too. Next issue is hopefully going to be big, at least in my notes and my head it is. We'll see soon. Expect a PM soon as I have questions about Irwin Hampton's town...which btw next issue?

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@batkevin74: Next issue should coming up soon. I wrote it the other day... however I didn't like it. So I'm trying to edit it at the moment.

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#24 batkevin74  Online

@wildvine said:

@batkevin74:

I suggest The Morgan Fog Experience

I learn to play an instrument and get several people together, that will be the name of my prog-rock-psychedillic band :)

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Another excellent chapter. Only thing I got stuck on was that the slaver lost both legs, but didn't bleed out on the spot? Hard to imagine how they could have kept him alive.

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Good stuff. Bit of a cliffhanger there that’s left me guessing, I liked the interaction between Morgan and his tribe, giving him a peaceful moment for once, and you know I already love the Morgan Fogg gang for who they are. I’m hoping, since supernatural elements already exist in this world, that you’ll go into some strange, otherworldly Native American ritual stuff that Morgan experiences like something out of Doctor Strange.

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