“Ow! Stop that, will ya?!”
IQ’s hands had been tied up behind his back and he had a rope around the neck. From time to time, his captor pricked his butt with her spear that she held in the right hand, while having a fast grip on the rope with her left.
“Hurtigere, din slapsvans.” The one-eyed alien lady said. “Jeg her ikke hele dagen.”
”I don’t know what you said…” IQ mumbled for himself. “But I doubt it was something nice… OW!”
IQ had once had a fantasy about this sort of situation… But in his version, the roles had been reversed.
Eventually, after plenty of walking and poking, IQ and the alien chick reached a huge wide, tall wall. After the one-eyed lady yelled something at the wall, a door was opened, and IQ was pushed through it. Inside was a village. After taking a quick glance around, IQ realized that he was screwed. It all looked so primitive. He saw bear-pig (?) drawn carriages, houses made out of wood and straw, he saw a whole bunch of one-eyed people. They looked like they lived in a world where showers had not been invented yet. And they paid attention to their surroundings instead of small electronic devices. He saw (what he assumed were) guards with primitive weapons such as swords, spears and bows.
… &%¤#!
How the heck was he supposed to build a giant octopus-cow robot to make everyone in the village his bitch when they still thought of FIRE as an astounding invention?!
Sure, he still had his laser gun, since his captor didn’t know that it was a weapon, but it was not enough. Sure, he could just shoot one-eye, but that would be stupid. Fun, but stupid. That would only result in either, a) him being surrounded by a whole bunch of armed and angry cyclops, or b) return to the desert where he would meet his fate. Neither of those two options sounded very appealing at the moment.
As they crossed the streets, IQ noticed that the townsfolks followed him with their one big eye.
“Se lige ham der!” One of them said.
“Mand, hvor syret. To oejne, og de er saa smaa!”
”Mor, er det der et rumvaasen?”
IQ did not understand a word, but he assumed that they saw him as some sort of circus freak.
IQ and the lady entered a house that seemed to be more important than the others, mostly because it had been painted. Inside was five elderly looking men and women, all of whom seemed to be in the middle of an argument. They stopped as they had noticed that they had visitors. At first, it seemed that they were annoyed over being interrupted, but the spear-lady took IQ by the collar and pointed at his two eyes. One of the old people, an almost bald man, came closer to IQ and his one big eye flickered as he studied the boy.
“Hey!” IQ said. “Eyes up here, sailor!”
“… Hvad siger den?” The old man asked.
“Aner det ikke.” Spear lady shrugged. ”Det er et eller andet primitivt sprog, tror jeg.”
Spear lady then said a whole lot while the old folks just listened to her. Then, one of the old folks, a woman, poked IQ in the stomach and felt on his arms.
“Han virker mig noget slatten.” She said. IQ assumed that is wasn’t a compliment.
Then, a horn could be heard. IQ assumed that it wasn’t signal for lunch, since the old people looked like they were about to crap their pants, and spear lady looked very determent. She kicked the door down (was hat really necessary?) and ran out, while the senior cyclops hid under need a table. IQ stepped out of the hole in the house that had once been a door. He saw giant worms, terrorizing the village. The townsfolks ran around in fear while a couple of the guards tried to slay the beast with their spears and bows. As IQ wondered if there were room enough under the table for one more, spear lady came back, now wearing black armour. She took a dagger to cut him free and then gave him her spear.
“Goer dig nyttig eller doe.” She said, as she ran back to battle, charging toward a worm while drawing her sword. She made a jump that would make an Olympic gold-winner feel out of shape as she chopped the head of one of the worms who were about to attack a woman and her children.
IQ looked at the spear. Then, he dropped it. “Yeah, right.” He laughed. “Who do you think I am, Conan? I’m a builder, not a caveman.”
No, IQ had no intention of joining the fight. But he did enjoy watching the fighting.
… Buuut, then he realized that if the worms ate the city, he would be alone in the middle of the desert. And still had his gun. But if he used it now, he would lose his secret weapon… but if he didn’t do anything, then…
“Oh well, “#¤%& it!” IQ aimed his gun at one of the worms behind spear woman and made its head explode. Spear woman was confused at first, but then realized that it was her prisoner who apparently mastered such destructive power. At first, she was confused, but then she whistled and a bear-big came galloping. She jumped on its back, and rode it directly toward IQ. Once she got near enough, she grabbed him with her strong right arm and placed him behind her. IQ understood what was going on, and he prepared himself for some worm shooting. She rode, he gunned. In less than half an hour, the worms that had not been killed retreated. The townspeople cheered. Spear woman grabbed IQ by the arm and pulled him with her. She appeared to have some sort of authority as the other guards crossed their arms on their chest to greet her (or that’s what IQ assumed they did). She said something to one of the soldiers who got her a wooden box. She stood on top of it and whistled in order to get the attention of the villagers. They all stopped at the clean-up of the city and all of them turned toward her. Then she said a whole lot that IQ didn’t get. But then she took his gun, reached it up, said some more and gave it back to him. All of the villagers looked at IQ. Not with disgust, but with wonder in their eye. Then, they cheered, all of them yelling the word "videnskabsmand" over and over again.
IQ grinned. He was their hero now. They probably thought he was a god or something. It would be a piece of cake to manipulate them into helping him build a spaceship and he could leave the damn planet in no time.
… But maybe he could make a harem first? He always wanted one of those.
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