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#1 Edited by waezi2 (23092 posts) - - Show Bio

He was known as Herr Süßigkeiten.

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He was one of the many costumed criminals, one of those without powers, yet he was still the most wanted man in Germany.

A mute John Doe who spread terror in München with his seemingly silly but very deadly candy-themed weapons, Herr Süßigkeiten would at first glance seem like your everyday supercrook. But his arsenal of sweets-like weaponry was not what made him the possibly most hated man in Germany.

No, it was his taste for human flesh that people loathed him for. This cannibalistic psychopath bathed his "meals" in melted chocolate before devouring them.

But at the moment of this story, he wasn't the predator. He was the prey.

The police had found one of his secret hideouts, and they had brought along the hero known as Kettemann. This had forced Herr Süßigkeiten to escape, grabbing whatever gadgets and weapons he could in a hurry. He had to run to the woods. A forest called Krüegerwald.

Herr Süßigkeiten could hear the officers, but their voices were faint, distant. He had managed to get so much distance between himself and them that he could plan an ambush.

"Fritz! You finally came. As I knew you would."

Herr Süßigkeiten froze while he was about to pull a handful of jaw-breaking jawbreakers.

Fritz.

No one had used his real name for 12 years.

Despite the darkness, he could see a figure from a short distance. Someone came from behind a great tree. They came closer and closer, and even though a cloud was dimming the moonlight, Süßigkeiten could now somewhat see what appeared to be a woman in a torn, white wedding dress.

And then he threw the jawbreakers at the woman. Small cracks could be heard as her bones broke apart and she fell to the dirt.

A shame I don' have any chocolate on me. The mute madman thought for himself, as he wondered if he had time for a quick meal. As he decided that he would be no good in a fight on an empty stomach and moved closer toward his victim, he gasped. He took a step back as the bride stood up. She cracked loudly like a hundred nutcrackers. She had bruises all over her bare arms. But she didn't bleed.

But Süßigkeiten didn't think of the unnatural about that, only that he had failed to kill her. So he threw some atomic fireballs at her. This way, she would be cooked, if anything a bit crispy.

Süßigkeiten crossed his arms and grinned as he watched the woman burn. The flames illuminated the night and the bride screamed. But his smiled died out as he realized that the woman wasn't screaming in pain. No, she was laughing, hysterically.

It took his breath away as she stepped out of the flames. Her skin had been burned and it still had bruises after he had broken her bones. But her dress was the same. And now, she removed the veil that had covered her face... and, to Süßigkeiten surprise... the bride's face was beautiful. The most beautiful face he had ever seen. Which was disturbing in it's own way. The rest of her body was as damaged as it was while her head was so... perfect.

"I'm sorry to disappoint you, Fritz, but that won't do you any good. If I touch a burning candle I can feel no pain. If you cut me with a knife it's still the same. You cannot hurt me. I've been hurt as much as one can be."

How does she know my name? Süßigkeiten thought, as he took his sword out of it's candy-cane scabbard. No one alive is suppose to know that name. I killed everyone who could possibly know about my past.

"I know many things, Fritz." The bride said as Süßigkeiten stabbed her right through her chest. She didn't react the way he had hoped. She just chuckled.

"You think yourself a great monster, Fritz?" The bride placed her dead, cold, bony fingers around his neck. Her pretty face turned lifeless and dry like a mummy. "Not compared to me, you're not."

If Süßigkeiten had had a voice, he would have screamed in terror. But not for long, as the bride squeezed his neck like a wet rag.

As she loosened her grab on the terrible, lifeless man and allowed him to drop to the dirt, a long steel chain appeared out of nowhere and wrapped around her right arm. She turned her head to the left and saw that her captor was the superhero Kettemann. His chain came out from his left palm.

"Guten abend, Herr Kettemann. Sehr erfreut."

"I don't know who you are suppose to be." Kettemann summoned another long chain from his right palm that was wrapped around the bride's left arm. "But you are under arrest for murder."

"Brave hero, I know you mean well." She smiled gently as her face returned to normal. "But you cannot stop me, hurt me, captor me, nor can you prevent me from fulfilling the tasks that my master gives me. I am not of this world. Not anymore." Then, she pulled herself free... Well, most of her. Her arms were ripped off. Kettemann looked at the armless woman with disgust as she looked at him with kind, dark eyes.

"What, you expect me to believe that you are some sort of avenging angel sent by god to punish evil?" Kettemann's chains returned to him, and wrapped themselves around his hands like fighting gloves of steel. "I heard that one about a hundred times before."

The bride made a small laugh. "God? If only HE had some involvement in this. But no, I can assure you that I'm nowhere close a heaven of any sort."

"... Wait, what is that suppose to-"

"Auf wiedersehen."

And then, the bride sunk down in the ground and disappeared, so did the two amputated arms, leaving no trace of the bride as well as leaving the caped crusader confused.

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#6 Posted by cbishop (14991 posts) - - Show Bio
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#7 Posted by waezi2 (23092 posts) - - Show Bio
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#9 Posted by waezi2 (23092 posts) - - Show Bio
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#10 Edited by wildvine (14694 posts) - - Show Bio

@waezi2:

Despite the darkness, he could see a human-like figure from a short distance.

Projecting. Saying "human-like" tells us its not human and kills the surprise. If there's not meant to be a surprise than just say a figure.

It came closer and closer, and even though the light of the full moon was hardly a theater projector,

Full moons are normally used to illuminate the scene. In this case you have a full moon that is barely illuminating the scene. Why not say a cloud came over the moon, dimming visibility as the character came from the shadows? Have that cake and eat it too.

he gasped. Süßigkeiten hadn't gasped for the most of his life, and the last time he had, it had been 15 years ago.

He's a cannibal maniac. We can assume he doesn't shock easily. Telling us he hasn't gasped in 15 years makes this comical, not scary or tense.

And for some reason, the moonlight somehow got stronger.

Or. Or-- the clouds blew away, suddenly illuminating the scene.

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#11 Posted by waezi2 (23092 posts) - - Show Bio
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#12 Posted by wildvine (14694 posts) - - Show Bio

@waezi2: Yes. Four easily correctable mistakes. How will you survive?

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#13 Posted by waezi2 (23092 posts) - - Show Bio

@wildvine: With my low selfesteem? I have no glue:P

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#14 Posted by cbishop (14991 posts) - - Show Bio

@waezi2 said:

Would you be interested in a four chapter long Die Teten Braut mini?

I'd be curious to see what you do with any further story for DTB. So far, it reminds me of Grim Ghost or Hangman.

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#15 Posted by HeroUp2112 (16677 posts) - - Show Bio

Sure

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#16 Posted by ImpurestCheese (12542 posts) - - Show Bio

@waezi2: Hmm well this is up to your usual creepy standards. I swear thought that the Germans get as bad a press here as they do in any media. I can think of one, maybe two Germans who are good or neutral characters in all the fan-fics I've read, and one of them is mine (so it doesn't count)

Also because he's from German East Africa AKA Modern Tanzania

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#17 Posted by waezi2 (23092 posts) - - Show Bio

@impurestcheese: In that case, I better introduce some more German heroes into the W2O. I did plan on doing that with a world war 2 one-shot.