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#1 Edited by waezi2 (24343 posts) - - Show Bio

Ten years ago when Alison Columbo got her bat-related superpowers as a teen, she realized that it made her potentially creepy, so she had decided to call herself Fruit Bat, a name that would make people fear her less when she in her human-bat hybrid form fought crime in Manhattan.

But at the very moment, everyone around her was afraid.

The little boy who was trapped inside a hammered car had every reason to be so as a shining golden man dressed in a toga stood on top of the vertical, shouting order to his temporary allies as well as throwing gold-dust grenades at his hated foe. Wilson Kane was better known as King Midas, and he had decided that this should be the day where he would finally get his revenge on his archenemy Fruit Bat for ruining his image as an legitimate businessman, "forcing" him to live as nothing but a costumed crook. But he was a very RICH costumed crook with connections and resources. Connections and resources that made it possible for him to unite most of Fruit Bat's enemies in an all-out attack after having spent a week turning Alison Columbo's life into a living hell.

Old enemies such as Vespertilio, who was forcing Fruit Bat into crashing into the cement once more. Robert Wei had once been nothing but a common bank robber who had wanted revenge so badly that he allowed Midas' scientists to use Fruit Bat's blood to turn him into a hulking bat-monster who wanted nothing but to kill Fruit Bat. And anyone else, really. Like the poor elderly lady whom he had snapped in half right in front of Fruit Bat and the police when the attack had started.

Ladies Man got shot in the shoulder as he was about to throw a knife at the woman he hated like poison. Furious, he turned around to see a young police woman. He threw another knife, but did not miss this time. Giovanni DeMarco would once never have done such a thing as a self-proclaimed gentleman thief, but he was no more a sexy jewel thief. He had once been a hero, due to his romantic relationship to the hero he wanted to kill. But after Fruit Bat broke up with him, he did not simply turn back to crime. The ended romance had not only made him bitter, it had also hurt his pride, and that made him vow to destroy his ex-lover. He had even told Alison Columbo's secret identity to Midas.

Unlike Ladies Man, the Skull did what he could in order to not kill any cops. Break bones and give concussion, sure. But not kill. He only wanted Fruit Bat's head. After all, Rip Tracy had once been one of the finest police men the city had ever had. But then the... accidenthappened, and he blamed Fruit Bat for not being there to save him. And so did Fruit Bat. The ex-cop with the disfigured head cursed as it took five police officers to overpower and subdue him.

Vespertilio screamed the heroin in the face as he was attempting to dig his teeth into the furred skin of Fruit Bat who, tired from the fight, were unable to free herself from the monster's iron grip and fly since she airborn would have an advantage over the twisted creature that was made from her blood and a man's petty want for getting even. But help would come unexpectedly from another monster. Doctor Starfish had grabbed Vespertilio and made his scream in pain as he first broke his arms, then opened the mouth placed on his stomach and began to suck. Poor doctor Sharma had once been a good-natured scientist who Fruit Bat had allowed to study her biology. He had used what he had learned from studying the hero to attempt to splice his own DNA with that of a starfish in an attempt to regain his lost legs, only to get turned into a freak with delusion of grandeur. He wanted more of the odd DNA that had made him become the "perfect specimen", and his "hunger" had made him blind, making him eat the wrong bat. One with a biology that could not fulfill his needs.

Horrified, Fruit Bat did not notice the two villains who were so repulsed by what they saw that they had just seen and come to the conclusion that getting revenge on Fruit bat might not be all that and decided to run for it. Their names were Hammer and Nail, not that it would mean much to Fruit Bat who couldn't remember them.

Scared out of mind, Fruit Bat had grabbed Doc Starfish by the shoulders with her feet to evade contact with his mouth, then rammed him right into a wall five times in a row to knock him out, then dropped him from the air, just to be sure. She landed to try and spot Midas, then smacked Ladies Man right in the kisser as he had decided to run right into her in order to skin her like a fish. Dumb move.

After two hours of fighting, the battle was finally over. Fifth Avenue looked like hell.

King Madas was nowhere to see(that sneaky bastard), the cops were cuffing Skull who yelled that he was on their side, Doc Starfish had been placed inside an ambulance after the medics had injected him with the serum that would turn him back to his legless human self for at least four hours, Ladies Man was pushed inside a police car after he had spit Fruit Bat in the face and called her something that rimed with "but", those two guys Fruit Bat couldn't recognize had been tased by the teenage girls they had tried to use as hostages.

And Vespertilio was dead.

"Poor Robert." Fruit Bat sighed as she watched the officers place her now dead enemy in a body bag. "His death was so meaningless."

"Did you just call that monster poor Robert?" Commissioner Armstrong looked at Fruit Bat with disbelief in his eyes.

"Yeah. I mean, sure, he was not a choir boy before he became Vespertilio. But he wasn't... you know..."

"A bloodthirsty lunatic who spread terror in the sky?"

"Yeah, that. It's Midas fault, he offered him the chance to get powers. Sure, he said yes, which was stupid of him, REALLY STUPID! but still... his death feels so pointless." Fruit Bat looked at the street that had been battered to smithereens. "This whole DAY feels so pointless. So much destruction, pain... death."

"Yeah, well..." Armstrong began to chew on a piece of nicotine gum. "This is the kind of day you can expect when your kind is involved."

If Alison had eyebrows in her bat-form, she would have raised it. "Excuse me, MY kind?"

"Yeah, you know... superpower guys."

"Alright, that's not fair. I didn't do this, you know. I'm here to help."

"Yeah? Help how? By smashing buildings, scaring people, getting into fight with other superguys which results in the entire town shacking? Making damage that it takes weeks to fix it so super guys can ruin it all over again? Sure, I get it. You are a hero, and you do some good. But tell me the truth; if all super powered people disappeared and the world were back to normal good people fighting normal bad people... Don't you think that it would be a better world to live in? For EVERYONE?"

Fruit Bat and Commissioner Armstrong just glared at each other. They had never been chummy, but Armstrong had never been this... let's say, honest to her before about what he really thought of her.

"I..." Fruit Bar decided to break the silence that had gotten awkward. "I have to go.Things to be done."

That was a lie, but Alison wanted an excuse to fly away as quickly as possible so that it wouldn't look like she was running away from Armstrong's question.

As she soared through the sky, she couldn't stop thinking about Armstrong's harsh words. And she had to admit, she had been thinking something like that for a while. When she had rescued people from houses on fire because of some nutjob or when she had beaten the crab out of some superpowered goon that had most likely been hired to either take her down or at least distract her, and all those time someone innocent had been turned into a monster who did not know what they did... it all felt so pointless and as if it could have been evaded somehow. Hell, most of her villains seemed to be a problem BECAUSE she existed.

As Fruit Bat got tired from flying, she landed on a building. But the thought wouldn't leave her head.

Would this be a better world to live in if people like me didn't exist?

... she thought as she watched some birds fly over World Trade Center.

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#2 Posted by waezi2 (24343 posts) - - Show Bio
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#3 Edited by Life_Without_Progress (23726 posts) - - Show Bio

Needs more "show and not tell" world building.

First five paragraphs felt like an expositional dump.

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#4 Posted by phisigmatau (1175 posts) - - Show Bio

Needs more "show and not tell" world building.

First five paragraphs felt like an expositional dump.

good feedback

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#5 Posted by waezi2 (24343 posts) - - Show Bio
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#6 Posted by waezi2 (24343 posts) - - Show Bio

bump