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#1 Posted by batkevin74 (15379 posts) - - Show Bio
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Previous chapters FIVE and SIX are HERE


“The monkey wants more of these…” The reptilian guard waggled a book, unsure of it or its purpose. Erwin H Robert glared at the guard who kept Xlibris within the Philadelphia complex.

“His name is Xlibris,” Erwin stated. “Call the rest mammals, apes, pink skins, warmbloods, it doesn’t matter as they are simply meat, but HIM, it has a name. Xlibris. And why are you in your natural form?”

“I am on guard duty,” he replied.

Erwin hissed in only the way angry cold-blooded creatures can. “We have cleverly deceived the smartest thing on this planet and you parade around doing your best to destroy the illusion! He believes us to alien benefactors, here to help mankind and push them along to a new age. We are here to rule and conquer! Do you understand?”

“Yes…” The guard hung his head and slowly morphed into the shape of a generic Asian man.

“Xlibris is an asset, worth twenty of you,” Erwin growled. “And if he asks for books, you get the primate a book!”

The guard scurried away leaving Erwin alone on the walkway that allowed for discreet viewing from above on the many projects Xlibris had going on. How this creatures mind worked was fascinating, and terrifying. Footsteps interrupted him, Erwin looked at another Asian guard.

“Xlibris has returned from New York.”

“Thank you.” Erwin cracked his neck and morphed into a beautiful Eurasian woman. “How did it all go, Xlibris?”

The guard shook his head. “Not high enough, you’ve been Erwin for too long.”

She coughed, regained her composure. “Hello Xlibris. I’m Tanya Chung.”


“What are you doing here, Frankie?” Mark panted as he brushed crushed glass off his hands. “I thought you were off to Delaware or something.”

“Arizona, but whatevers! I got a job managing the tour of The Centaurs Of The Black Garden who are flying in tonight via Concorde.”

“I thought they ended those type of planes after they kept crashing?” Barry mused as he stepped around the glass on the bathroom floor.

“Biggest band in Europe with deep pockets,” Frankie shrugged. “All I know is that I’m managing them and Astro Lasso for an east coast run. And since it’s my place and it’s got seven bedrooms, I didn’t think it’d be a problem, but…”

“I’ll pay for the bathroom, sorry man, just...I don’t know. I feel like I’m losing it.”

“It’s okay, Mark.” Barry comforted his son. “It’s pure chaos. But we’ll get through.”

“I’m gonna crash, coz them Centaurs are crazy from what I’ve seen on Twitter,” Frankie said with a smile. “I’ll call someone in the morning to fix this up, lucky I got two others.”


Isabelle Cheval stepped into the minivan waiting for her at LaGuardia, a mere four hours after she’d left Paris. She scrolled through Twitter looking for clues where Mark Metcalf could be.

“Où est-ce que je te prends?“ asked the Algerian driver.

“Fois Carré,” Isabelle replied. “C’est central.”



Frankie Muniz hid under the blankets and sent a text. <Carpark @ 7>

<Good work Malcolm>

<Just so you know I’m going to use the money for Mark’s legal defence>

<Whatever lets you sleep at night. Don’t mess this up or you will disappear completely>

<Keep threatening and I’ll end this! You wouldn’t even know where the Metcalf’s were without me>

<Carpark at 7. All four>

Frankie quickly opened his phone and disassembled it. He opened the window and threw out the shell, cracked the SIM card and swallowed it, then flushed the battery down the toilet.

“Sorry Mark, but a hundred million dollars...”


“Shocking details revealed this morning that Chloë Grace Moretz has been diagnosed with lip and tongue cancer, directly attributed to her kissing scenes with Mark Metcalf from the film The Chronicle of Washington.”

Chloë, who had only just gotten home from hot yoga, looked at the screen in disbelief. “What the actual *%#?”

“Moretz, speaking exclusively to us here at TMZ, didn’t go into any greater details as she left clinic of renowned oncologis...”

Chloë picked up her phone. “That wasn’t me! Ari? Hello?”

“What are you ^#*{ doing?” Her agent yelled from the other end of the phone. “Doors shut on you just because you were even IN that film with Mark, now you’re...”

“It wasn’t me! I was at that building this morning, but that’s where my hot yoga class is!”

“I get you’re stressed out by all this Metcalfmania but if you need money I’ll get you on Oprah or Ellen or Dr Phil. Making claims like, and to TMZ, of all places!”

“Ari! It wasn’t ^#*{+ me! I did yoga and was out the back door. Why in God’s name would I go out the front?”

“You have a twin?”

“And look at her outfit! There’s only one explanation for it.”

Ari sighed down the line. “Babe, not this Lizard People $#!t again!”

“How else do you explain it?! Huh? I bet Cage is doing this.”

“For the last time, Nicholas Cage ISNT a Lizard Person!”

Mark looked at the TV as Chloë told her stories. “What the actual ^%$#! Seriously where is Gupta? This is all bull$#!^!”

Diana Metcalf looked at her son, confused and concerned. “Did you…?”

“Jesus! MOM! NO!” Mark yelled. “No. I kissed her, yeah, onscreen like I was supposed to. How…do you think that…? Are you serious?”

“Mark, I don’t know what’s going on. I’m terrified for you and for our family.” She cried. “You are my son, but all this is getting too much.”

“What do you want me to do? Huh?” Mark snapped kicking the nearest chair and turning it into splinters.

Frankie walked into the lounge room. “Oh-kay, seems like you could use a break, Mrs M, and Mark needs some air. We’re going to get a latte at a place that is used to dealing with us celebrities and don’t say squat to nobody about nothing.”

“Thank you, Frank,” Diana said. “Mark, I love you and I’m on your side, but this is…its f$%#@* &^%$#d!”

“MOM!” Mark was shocked, and a little impressed, with his mother’s cursing.

“Way to f%^&$# go mom!” Amber cheered only to moan was her father playfully whacked over the back of the head.

“Language young lady,” Barry said to his daughter winking at his wife.

“Coffee time,” Frankie headed for the door and the Metcalf’s followed. Frankie walked back to Mark. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry all this happened to you.”

“Thanks man, you’re a good friend.”

“Best money can buy,” Frankie joked. “You still want one of those horrible hazelnut drinks?”

“I’m good, I’m gonna see if I can find Gupta without giving someone cancer! Jesus, Chloë, why would you do that?”


Gupta Zardari was picked up by two large guards. He ranted, screamed and thrashed to no avail as he was carted down a corridor and thrown into another room. Gupta skidded across the floor, stopping at the feet of a large black woman in a U.S. Customs and Border Protection uniform.

“On your feet, Mohammad!”

“My name is Gupta Zardari, madam! And I am a cit…”

“Your name is Mohammad el Khata. You have overstayed your visa and you’re being deported back to Oman where you belong,” she shouted back at him. “One last gift from Uncle Sam.”

“There is a mistake! My name is Gupta Zardari. I was born i…”

“You’ve had all the chances in the world, Mohammed. You are on the evening plane to the UAE and then they’ll bus you to the border.” She explained matter of factly.

“My name i…”

“Gupta, you told me. But we both know that aint true.”

“I want a lawyer! Now!” Gupta demanded.

“You’ve seen them!” She snapped back. “And now you’re going home to Oman whether you like it or not!”


The Metcalf’s stopped when two men in dark suits stepped out from behind the concrete columns near the black limo.

“I think we’d better go back,” Barry said and as they started back to the lift saw that there was two dozen SWAT agents and Agent Cooper standing there.

“Mr Metcalf. Mrs Metcalf. Amber.” Agent Cooper said. “You’re all coming with me. On your way, Muniz.”

“YOU BASTARD!” Diana Metcalf charged after Frankie. “YOU SOLD MARK OUT! YOU HORRID LITTLE CHILD!”

“Sorry,” Frankie shrugged as he stepped back, and the two agents fired tasers in her sending her convulsing to the floor. “But seventy-five million is hard to pass up.”

“DIANA!” Barry ran to his wife only to catch three tranquiliser darts in the buttocks.

“MOM!? DAD!” Amber screamed only to get tased herself.

“This is how we should’ve done it the first time,” Agent Cooper said. “This is Cooper. We have three of the four.”

“Where is Mark?” Cissna asked into Cooper’s earpiece.

“Mark?” Cooper asked Frankie.


Cooper nodded, pulled out a gun and put three bullets into Frankie’s chest. The actor hit the floor gasping for life. Cooper stepped closer and aimed at his forehead. “The US Government thanks you for your service. Let’s move. We need to be out of here in forty seconds. GO! GO! GO!”

To be continued in Issue #8

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#2 Posted by cbishop (15572 posts) - - Show Bio

@batkevin74: So at the end... I was like, "Oh my gawd, they shot Frankie Muniz!" Then I was like, "Oh, wait, I get it- they shot Agent Cody Banks. Dur." lol

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#3 Posted by batkevin74 (15379 posts) - - Show Bio

@cbishop: Either way, he'll only be back in a re-run now :)

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#4 Posted by Time_Phantom (831 posts) - - Show Bio


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#5 Posted by Time_Phantom (831 posts) - - Show Bio

Bumped. Again.

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#6 Posted by batkevin74 (15379 posts) - - Show Bio