Thirst discussion thread

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Jake Malcom

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#1  Edited By Jake Malcom

place ur comments here please

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Lady Tlieso

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#2  Edited By Lady Tlieso

AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!! & i'm not biased like some people. ;)

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lady_redhead

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#3  Edited By lady_redhead
Lady Tlieso said:
"AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!! & i'm not biased like some people. ;)"
BAH now i cant say it was awesome!! LOL

lovelly start my darling, i will be posting soon
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Jake Malcom

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#4  Edited By Jake Malcom

lmao thank u T bird

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Lady Tlieso

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#5  Edited By Lady Tlieso

you';re welcome!!!

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Jake Malcom

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#6  Edited By Jake Malcom
Mistress Redhead said:
"Lady Tlieso said:
"AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!! & i'm not biased like some people. ;)"
BAH now i cant say it was awesome!! LOL

lovelly start my darling, i will be posting soon"
Awesome cant wait baby
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lady_redhead

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#7  Edited By lady_redhead
Jake Malcom said:
"Mistress Redhead said:
"Lady Tlieso said:
"AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!! & i'm not biased like some people. ;)"
BAH now i cant say it was awesome!! LOL

lovelly start my darling, i will be posting soon"
Awesome cant wait baby"
Freaks as she posting with one of the best writres on the vine...

PRESSURE
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Jake Malcom

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#8  Edited By Jake Malcom
Mistress Redhead said:
"Jake Malcom said:
"Mistress Redhead said:
"Lady Tlieso said:
"AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!! & i'm not biased like some people. ;)"
BAH now i cant say it was awesome!! LOL

lovelly start my darling, i will be posting soon"
Awesome cant wait baby"
Freaks as she posting with one of the best writres on the vine...

PRESSURE
"
lmao (is so glad she said ONE of the best)
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deactivated-5a867073cc016

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o_O *is totally confused*

so Jake is a vampire hunter that is also a vampire?

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_Gene

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#10  Edited By _Gene
Jack the Ripper said:
"o_O *is totally confused*

so Jake is a vampire hunter that is also a vampire?"
Would an arrow to the head kill a vampire? No

An No he isnt a Vampire hunter, why would he drain a vampire.
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deactivated-5a867073cc016

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_Gene said:
"Jack the Ripper said:
"o_O *is totally confused*

so Jake is a vampire hunter that is also a vampire?"
Would an arrow to the head kill a vampire? No

An No he isnt a Vampire hunter, why would he drain a vampire."
oh, well I was sort of having trouble following the post, lack of sleep may have had something to do with it...I thought he used a stake through her heart :P
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PRIMAV3RA

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#12  Edited By PRIMAV3RA

SLIDES IN

OHHH NEW FAN FIC

runs out to go read

YAY

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Jake Malcom

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#13  Edited By Jake Malcom
Jack the Ripper said:
"_Gene said:
"Jack the Ripper said:
"o_O *is totally confused*

so Jake is a vampire hunter that is also a vampire?"
Would an arrow to the head kill a vampire? No

An No he isnt a Vampire hunter, why would he drain a vampire."
oh, well I was sort of having trouble following the post, lack of sleep may have had something to do with it...I thought he used a stake through her heart :P"
He broke her neck
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Asymmetrical

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#14  Edited By Asymmetrical
Jake Malcom said:
"Jack the Ripper said:
"_Gene said:
"Jack the Ripper said:
"o_O *is totally confused*

so Jake is a vampire hunter that is also a vampire?"
Would an arrow to the head kill a vampire? No

An No he isnt a Vampire hunter, why would he drain a vampire."
oh, well I was sort of having trouble following the post, lack of sleep may have had something to do with it...I thought he used a stake through her heart :P"
He broke her neck"
well that's the last time I read a fan-fic after only sleeping 6 of the last 48 hours xP
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lady_redhead

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#15  Edited By lady_redhead

Posted.. not happy but its there

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Asymmetrical

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#16  Edited By Asymmetrical

hey, I could actually understand that one :D and finally realized what the theater is from back in the old days

and since I know DC's was good *will reread it tomorrow* all I have to say is great posts you two :D

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lady_redhead

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#17  Edited By lady_redhead

Thanks Az.. its my first fan fic.. im glad im doing it with him.. get some support!

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Asymmetrical

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#18  Edited By Asymmetrical

lol, yeah, he's the one who supported me into doing my fan-fics :D

I'm so excited to do one with him soon!!

and this is a good fan-fic on your part and his Lady Red, but I wouldn't call it your first xP your bio, and practically any story you've ever written is a fan-fic which might I add are also good

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lady_redhead

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#19  Edited By lady_redhead
aztek the lost said:
"lol, yeah, he's the one who supported me into doing my fan-fics :D

I'm so excited to do one with him soon!!

and this is a good fan-fic on your part and his Lady Red, but I wouldn't call it your first xP your bio, and practically any story you've ever written is a fan-fic which might I add are also good"
Its Mistress Red Az, and yeah i suppose.. though its my firs offical fan fic
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Asymmetrical

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#20  Edited By Asymmetrical
Mistress Redhead said:
"aztek the lost said:
"lol, yeah, he's the one who supported me into doing my fan-fics :D

I'm so excited to do one with him soon!!

and this is a good fan-fic on your part and his Lady Red, but I wouldn't call it your first xP your bio, and practically any story you've ever written is a fan-fic which might I add are also good"
Its Mistress Red Az, and yeah i suppose.. though its my firs offical fan fic"
sorry -_- MR, it just always feels akward to call someone Mistress, it makes you think of...well, you know *moves on from topic*

maybe if you get enough confidence and enjoy it enough you'll make one yourself someday, I'd love to read it if you do :D
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lady_redhead

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#21  Edited By lady_redhead
aztek the lost said:
"Mistress Redhead said:
"aztek the lost said:
"lol, yeah, he's the one who supported me into doing my fan-fics :D

I'm so excited to do one with him soon!!

and this is a good fan-fic on your part and his Lady Red, but I wouldn't call it your first xP your bio, and practically any story you've ever written is a fan-fic which might I add are also good"
Its Mistress Red Az, and yeah i suppose.. though its my firs offical fan fic"
sorry -_- MR, it just always feels akward to call someone Mistress, it makes you think of...well, you know *moves on from topic*

maybe if you get enough confidence and enjoy it enough you'll make one yourself someday, I'd love to read it if you do :D"
Thanks and yeah we will see
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Kiara_Sullivan

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#22  Edited By Kiara_Sullivan

Loved it :D Good job you guys :D

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lady_redhead

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#23  Edited By lady_redhead

thanks Kiara.. means a lot from you!

more to come!!!

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Kiara_Sullivan

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#24  Edited By Kiara_Sullivan

YAY!

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Jake Malcom

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#25  Edited By Jake Malcom

Great post baby girl

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lady_redhead

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#26  Edited By lady_redhead

NOoo it sucked :-P

But thank you my lvoe

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Methos

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#27  Edited By Methos

ok, i loved this fanfic...

it was nice and dark with the lovely twisted imagination that i know it Redheads lol

it's got a unique layout and thats what threw me at first with the 'bold and italic' being used for speech while normal text for actions, that did throw me a bit as i am so used to a standard writing layout.

one thing i will advise, just to make writing easier for both DC and MR... use this template as a standard for paragraphs...

speech -> action -> description or emotion

you need all three for a good paragraph, that's how a lot of writers do it, Final Arrow might be able to give you some better hints but using those three for paragraphs will give you a nice flowing style and allow you for plenty of action in your story.

but aside from that, i really enjoyed it :D

M

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lady_redhead

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#28  Edited By lady_redhead
Methos said:
"ok, i loved this fanfic...

it was nice and dark with the lovely twisted imagination that i know it Redheads lol

it's got a unique layout and thats what threw me at first with the 'bold and italic' being used for speech while normal text for actions, that did throw me a bit as i am so used to a standard writing layout.

one thing i will advise, just to make writing easier for both DC and MR... use this template as a standard for paragraphs...

speech -> action -> description or emotion

you need all three for a good paragraph, that's how a lot of writers do it, Final Arrow might be able to give you some better hints but using those three for paragraphs will give you a nice flowing style and allow you for plenty of action in your story.

but aside from that, i really enjoyed it :D

M
"
THANK YOU METHOS!!!

but explain the lay out for me plese..
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Jake Malcom

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#29  Edited By Jake Malcom
Methos said:
"ok, i loved this fanfic...

it was nice and dark with the lovely twisted imagination that i know it Redheads lol

it's got a unique layout and thats what threw me at first with the 'bold and italic' being used for speech while normal text for actions, that did throw me a bit as i am so used to a standard writing layout.

one thing i will advise, just to make writing easier for both DC and MR... use this template as a standard for paragraphs...

speech -> action -> description or emotion

you need all three for a good paragraph, that's how a lot of writers do it, Final Arrow might be able to give you some better hints but using those three for paragraphs will give you a nice flowing style and allow you for plenty of action in your story.

but aside from that, i really enjoyed it :D

M
"
thank you bro. ill take the advice to mind
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Methos

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#30  Edited By Methos

ok, here's a good example...

the way DC layed out the first bit of text was like this...

Now the ones that scream mmmm Licking his lips with the thought those are the ones you keep your eye out. Their bodies almost tell you exactly what they will do, whether their scream will be heard or just a whimper that only you hear.

"So when do we get him? We know hes down here, Why havent we made the first strike?"

Jakes head tilts to the side as he looks down from the ceiling of the subway at a group of three

now, this is fine for reading, don't get me wrong, it's just a little confusing as the speech doesn't have any tags or emotes attached to it.

to make it easier for reading, this is the way i'd write it...

Jake smirked as he watched the three, Licking his lips he let the thought of the blood that was currently flowing through their veins, it wouldn't be long until it was burning down his throat and quenching the hunger that burned through his body.

"Those are the ones you keep your eye out for. Their bodies almost tell you exactly what they will do, whether their scream will be heard or just a whimper that only you hear." Jake explained in a soft voice as he leaned against the wall, his face hidden by the shadows as a passing light glinted off the preternatural white of his eyes.

"So when do we get him? We know hes down here, Why havent we made the first strike?" Chaz asked in a soft voice, her nervous nature betraying her true age as she fidgeted in the comforting darkness and waited for the instruction from the elder that was watching her carefully.

Jake tilted his head to the side in thought as he stared down from the ceiling where they were hidden, the dark shadows of the subway were the perfect camoflage for the pair of killers as they both stared down at their prey, the three 'children' that they had been following, stalking, hunting. Soon the wait would be over, the prey would soon be theirs and they would feast.

it's a basic tennent, speech always goes first on a paragraph, then a tag to explain who said it, try and avoid the word said though, there are so many other more versatile words that can be used that also explain a bit about the speakers motivation, attitute or emotions. After the tag you either need an action or an emotion, either of those will finish off the paragraph perfectly and are a nice way to lead into the next paragraph of speech or action.

i hope that explains it a bit better

M
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lady_redhead

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#31  Edited By lady_redhead

AHh ok.. i think i have it now!

is there anything in mine that could have been better?

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Methos

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#32  Edited By Methos

not really, you and DC have very similar writing styles...

wether this was because he posted first and you just followed his format i don't know, but the comments i made go for both chapters

M

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#33  Edited By lady_redhead
Methos said:
"not really, you and DC have very similar writing styles...

wether this was because he posted first and you just followed his format i don't know, but the comments i made go for both chapters

M"
sweet thanks, i think i have watched.. DC and Arrow and flow that way but yeah my writing is yet to find its true voice so i tend to flow from others writing
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Jake Malcom

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#34  Edited By Jake Malcom

thanks man ill use em.

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lady_redhead

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#35  Edited By lady_redhead

OMG you blew up my theatre!! well the front of it!

Awesome job my love, now the pressure is on me

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Jake Malcom

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#36  Edited By Jake Malcom

lmao like i said just the door

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T.J. Magnum

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#37  Edited By T.J. Magnum

good stuff DC..............i mean Malcom

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lady_redhead

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#38  Edited By lady_redhead

Posted baby, hope its ok

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Jake Malcom

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#39  Edited By Jake Malcom

Suspense Sooo exciting

Loved the post baby girl. Ill make mine tonight hopefully

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lady_redhead

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#40  Edited By lady_redhead
Jake Malcom said:
"Suspense Sooo exciting

Loved the post baby girl. Ill make mine tonight hopefully"
Blushes

thanks baby, i liked it for once
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lady_redhead

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#41  Edited By lady_redhead

Oooh you being all bad a$$ up in my face

sorry watching bad boys last night...

great post honey!!

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Jake Malcom

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#42  Edited By Jake Malcom

thank ubaby girl. Cant wait to see what u do

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lady_redhead

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#43  Edited By lady_redhead

Posted my love..

man she is emo o_0

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lady_redhead

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#44  Edited By lady_redhead

Posted again

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Darkchild

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#45  Edited By Darkchild

AWESOME

ill do a post tonight after work. im loving this

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Darkchild

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#46  Edited By Darkchild

ok scratch tht ill be either posting tomorrow morning or tomorrow night. Im enjoying Fringe alot more than i had anticipated. Cant look away

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TheDrifter

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#47  Edited By TheDrifter

Nice job you two

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lady_redhead

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#48  Edited By lady_redhead

Thanks Drift

LOL my love, you get too it when you can! god knows im soo stuck on my fairy tale i have no imagination at the moment

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Asymmetrical

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#49  Edited By Asymmetrical

I thought you already had your fairytale planned out?

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lady_redhead

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#50  Edited By lady_redhead

I have, im stuck on the second part...