Hello, dearies! Today is a wonderful day indeed! It's Valentines Day, but more importantly...it is my birthday! So Huzzah for that!
And what better way to commemorate such an occasion than with the latest Writers Guild Presents thread!
This week we are in for a treat! We have something a little different! You don't just get one story...you get one story written in by five writers! dngn4774, batkevin74, wildvine, TommytheHitman, and myself would like to present to you...
The Hundredth Hit!!!
In a world where fan fiction has become reality, two writers will become humanity's last line of defence from their own creations.
Commissioner Poet looked at the man who stood nonchalantly at his desk, "Listen here, Tommy, we all had a tough time losing Wildvine. She was a great writer and she'll never be forgotten, but I can't have one of our own running solo! Here at the Guild we do things by the book, which is why I'm assigning you a partner. He's pretty new, but the kid has some skills. Just take him under your wing for awhile and I'm sure you'll make a good team."
Tommy audibly snorted, "I'm a hitman, not a babysitter! Send the rookie to the editors if he still needs to ride with training wheels."
"I appreciate your service to the Guild," said Poet with tone "But if you don't play ball I'll have you turn in your account and keypad write now."
Tommy sighed and threw his head back in frustration. Commissioner Poet stood and pushed the intercom button. "Ernest! Get in here!"
In sauntered Ernest, known as the Hundred. He smiled like he was on a gameshow. "You must be Tommythehitman. I heard a lot of great things about you"
Tommy ignored the out stretched hand and started to walk out of the room, "Just don't slow me down newbie!"
From the shadows Batkevin watched the two writers bicker over who was going to drive the car.
He pulled a scope from his belt pouch and zoomed in on the pair.
"Confirm and identify DG"
Several lights flared on the dark writers’ wrist computer "Sir, my full title is Dngn4774."
"And who built you?"
"Well sir that is partially up for conjecture! As yo..."
Batkevin rolled his eyes under his mask, flicked a switch on his gauntlet and turned off his sentient A.I team mate "Just tell me who they are DG."
Tommy & Ernst stood at the driver’s door, each clutching at the car keys like monkeys fighting for the last banana. Batkevin shook his head at the childish scene, desperately wishing to break his seven year self imposed exile to write a fight scene that knocked both of the two children into next week.
Wildvine twitched in her hospital bed, her eyes snapped open. She had endured a medical procedure so painful she would never be able to write about it on CV because of the cursing rule. And you had to use some really colourful four letter words to properly describe what she had been through.
She quickly got dressed and slipped out of the hospital, because god knows she already had enough debt. Little did she know how much the Guild had changed in her absence. She didn't know Tommy had been reassigned, and that the Guild thought she was never coming back....
"Tommy, also known as The Hitman. Writer. Approximate level 2019. Occasional tangentalist." stated Dngn4774 into Batkevin's ear as the shadowy one watched the pair of Tommy & Ernest continue bickering over who was going to drive.
"I was just getting to that sir. Sometimes you are qu..."
"Get on with it!"
The sentient A.I paused, almost as if to bite its electronic tongue before continuing. "Ernest, also known as The Hundred. Writer. Approximate level 73. Enthusiastic rookie"
"Why team up such mismatched levels?"
"They are the last two left sir"
"It's like the Jedi or Kryptonians DG!"
"I understand the references sir but do not understand the point you are trying to make?"
Batkevin smiled "These two are the only two left. But there's the Commissioner who is a writer, semi retired and behind his desk but still a writer. There's me..."
"Who hides in the shadows on your self imposed exile for asinine reasons," said the computer "Sir"
"There's Wildvine, who though in a coma is still a writer. Last two writers, rubbish! There's five without me even trying. Something’s up."
"You're forgetting the Commissioner’s evil twin sir"
Batkevin shuddered "God! DG can you scan..."
"Negative sir. The walls are transmethium alloy coated in dura-crete."
Batkevin dropped silently to the floor "Looks like I'm paying the Commissioner a visit in person...once these two idiots finally leave"
Tommy gripped the steering wheel and glared at Ernest as he sat in the passenger seat. "Could you STOP with the shouting?!? I'm just here!"
"Sorry, I get excited." replied Ernest.
"Sheesh!" Tommy pulled the car onto Tyrannosaurus Drive and headed towards the other side of town. He looked at his "partner" and wondered what stories he had up his sleeve and whether the two of them could work together. Sure Commissioner Poet put them together but that didn't mean a perfect co-write.
"So when you have to write," said Ernest shifting in his seat "Is it from the hip?"
Tommy rolled his eyes, "Kid, what I do is what I do okay! Man this is rapidly becoming a bad idea"
Batkevin fired a grapnel towline and it shot him up to the twentieth floor. Any cameras would've seen merely a slight blur or bat shaped object.
"Is this wise?" asked Dngn4774 into his ear. "The last time you and..."
"Do you ever do anything except complain?"
"I do quite a lot for you sir; you just seem to fixate on what you perceive as annoying. Before you cut me off, I was saying that the last time you and Commissioner Poet spoke he threw you off the roof!"
Batkevin paused as he slid the window open. "What other choice do I have DG?"
"I can give you several sir."
Commissioner Poet leaned back in his chair and was rewarded with an annoying squeaking.
"Need to have someone oil this thing one of these days," he muttered to himself though he had been saying that for a long time. He glanced past the latest The Writers Guild Presents: 2/7/2014 on his desk to the window overlooking the city.
Poet wondered if he had made the right decision about the new partnership. He chuckled at how Tommy had agreed to having a new partner without really realizing what he was agreeing to. Poet grinned.
"Definitely one of my more entertaining ideas," the commissioner commented to himself.
Poet hesitated and then reached down and unlocked his bottom desk drawer. Inside, he retrieved an old pen and writing pad which were collecting dust and looked at them.
"Maybe, just maybe..." He murmured to himself, "We can do it again.”
Batkevin stood at the door looking in on Commissioner Poet.
“Yes sir, he appears to be about to write something.” said Dngn4774.
Batkevin raised his foot and kicked in the lock, the door flying off its hinges “Not on my watch!”
Commissioner Poet jumped up from his desk, chair sprawling behind him as the black cloaked intruder swept into his office like a billowing fog.
The dark one grabbed him by the collar and hauled him over the desk, bringing them nose to nose “Once a writer, always a writer!” And threw him across the room into the trophy case with a loud smash.
“Sir, I am detecting an anomaly!”
“Not now DG!” scowled Batkevin as he flicked out two batons.
“You’ve made a terrible error in coming here.” The Commissioner as he got to his feet.
The two former allies eyed each other, each watching for the move that would start the brawl of brawls. Seconds seemingly stretched into days as they unblinkingly watched each other.
“Sir, I must…”
Poet watched as Batkevin’s eyes glanced down at his wrist. With deadly accurate throw he clocked Batkevin in the head with the inaugural Character Creation Contest Trophy and bullrushed him, slamming them both into his grey marble desk with oak finish. It had been years since Poet had resorted to actual fisticuff but it was like riding a bike, once you got your balance you were away. Batkevin raised his guard but more blows by Poet were getting through, mainly due to the anger that seeing Batkevin again after so long brought up so much.
"Look kid! I keep telling you! Write from the hip!" Tommy yelled as he pulled up in the fast food restaurant's car park. Ernest glanced up at him in surprise.
"Look! I'm sorry sir but... I'm new at this!" Ernest said as Tommy stepped out of the car. Tommy sighed and rolled his eyes; for what seemed like the fifth time in one day.
"Whatever." He groaned. "Can I get you something?" He asked as he gestured towards the fast food joint's door. Ernest sat back quietly.
"I dunno..." Ernest muttered quietly. "What are you having?"
"Mini Pancakes and Ice Cream."
"I'll have some chips."
"Do you mean Chips as in British Chips or Chips as in American Chips?"
Tommy nodded as he closed the car door and turned towards the restaurant door. He grumbled to himself along the way. Ernest sighed and lay his head back in the car.
"Hello Ernest." A voice said next to Ernest's ear making him jump. "Don't scream or your partner gets it."
"Who... who are you?" Ernest asked as his hand slowly moved towards gun.
"Someone like you." The voice said. "Someone who slipped through the cracks of society."
Ernest thought that sentence through his head. "...Batman Begins?" He asked.
"Correct. Now listen to me carefully. You're new here. You could be on the up and up. One of the genuinely good ficr's who obeys the rules. OR you could be one of those maniacs who breaks the rules. Cusses constantly and gives everyone a bad time!"
Ernest shivered. "I... I'm not!"
"Good." A ripple in the back of the car as a shadow vanished. Ernest turned around to see the man had disappeared.
"What the hell?" He muttered to himself.
"I freaking love pancakes!" Tommy muttered to himself as he placed several of them in his mouth. "it's been awhile Johnny!" he said as a mysterious figure dressed in black sat down across from him.
"That will be $50 Tommy." The figure said. "And that's JOHN. John Anonymous."
"Whatever." Tommy muttered as he passed his money over. "So did you scare him a bit?"
Johnny Anonymous placed the money in his pocket. "I assume so from the smell that reeked from his trousers."
Johnny chuckled but Tommy looked dead serious. "Are you joking about that part because I have to drive in the same car as that guy..."
Batkevin groaned, his temple throbbing from where Poet had clocked him, "You know, I won the Character Contest six times, but that is the first time I have been hit with one."
He tried to sit up and realized he was restrained. Poet stood in front of his office's window.
"Oh good! You are awake," the commissioner said without turning around. "I had hoped we would be able to chat before I called my officers to take you away. Not that you are much of a threat now."
"DG?" Batkevin called out with no reply.
"Who?" Poet turned and peered down at the shadowy figure on his officer floor. "Oh, yes! Your robot...I deactivated him. He was quite annoying really. I don't know how you could stand him."
Batkevin didn't respond.
"You know, I have to thank you. You were the last loose end and you walked right into my office. Made my life so much easier," Poet grinned and chuckled.
Batkevin frowned, and realized, "You're not Poet..."
The man before Batkevin laughed, "I knew you of all people would figure it out eventually, though you are a little too late, dear old partner."
"Who are you?" Batkevin demanded.
The mysterious man laughed, and walked around his desk to his chair, "While people like Johnny Anonymous play around and waste their abilities on scarying people, I have been using my powers. With Tommy distracted, Wildvine in the hospital and you in jail they will be no one to stand in my way. No writers to stop me. Ladies and gentlemen...I am host now! I am in control of this city!"
He paused and pushed a button on the commissioner's phone, "Yes, security? A man just came in and attacked me. Please come to my office immediately!"
Pushing the button again, the man laughed deviously, "Now, where were we? oh yes! your question! Who am I? Well...My name is teoP."
To be continued(?)