The Sensational Blue Spider VS Vicious Circle

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Guardiandevil83

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#1  Edited By Guardiandevil83

"So what's the job boss?" Asked Theodore "Ted" Machinima, whilst sitting in a leather seat of his own. The blood and body of the man he killed long since removed. He had done good work. Two dead hitters and a large giant within a week; not bad at all.

Tony Twist bit off the tip of a cigar and plucked it into his mouth, lighting the now bitten head before answering, "I got problems with Chicago," Twist growled, "More appropriately with a certain someone. Ever heard of the Vicious Circle?" The last part tasted like acid on the mobsters tongue.

"Sounds vaguely familiar."

"Bunch of yahoos. Anyway their leader is the son of this weasel who used to work for me back in the day. Got too big for his britches, and started his own family. Not that I mind, I love a success story. But you see...," Twist was cut off by the entrance of a beautiful scarlet headed twenty-something. She smelled of exotic oils and expensive perfume.

"Mr. Twist I apologize," the redhead said, looking to Ted who gave her his best smile, to which she returned. "Your eleven o'clock said he will be here at ten fifty eight. It is now ten thirty four." She said cool and sexy.

"Thank you Jordan, that will be all." Tony waved a hand and the young woman vanished back out the door from which she came. Her smell still fresh on both men's noses. "Anyway, this guy started his own family and now he is pretty big in the windy city. Again, I could care less, but they have been moving in to MY city, which is a problem." Twist angrily finished, slamming his fist down on his oak desk.

"And you don't wan't to go to war." More of a statement then a question.

"This is painful to admit. But I can't go to war with them. The vicious Circle are all super-powered! Every, stinking last one of them!" Another slam of his fists' upon the desk. "I made a damn cyborg, and he is about as useful as a condom in an acidic vagina!" He rose and turned. Gazing out of his penthouses massive window at Manhattan's upper east side. He worked hard to get where he was today. A poor immigrant from Sicily, he fought and clawed to make sure that his mother and father could retire happy. And they had; both now living all expenses paid in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida. He had given his family a life, and he refused to let anyone take it away. Any, f--king one! A damn Super-man or not.

"So you decided to hire me?" Asked Ted, "I don't have any super-powers you know?"

"No. But your suppose to be good. From what I hear, the Cambetti did have powers and you managed to do 'em both." Twist said darkly.

The Cambetti Boys. Born Luis and Antonio Cambetti were a Brooklyn-born, Miami raised, set of identical twins who had risen to fame, as the best Hit-squad in the business. According to some, the Cambetti were super-humanly strong and fast, and that those powers only doubled whilst in close proximity to the other. Ted knew this to be false of course. They were just meth-junkies who could throw some mean punches.

"Just wanted to get that out of the way," Ted answered before getting up from his seat and heading to the door, his blue suit shining in the sunlight that shot in from the view behind him. "You want this guy dead. All I need his a name." Said Ted.

"Well his old name doesn't matter. Now everybody call's the guy OVERLORD."

No Caption Provided

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Guardiandevil83

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Can a mod lock the others please

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The Impersonator

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#3  Edited By The Impersonator

@guardiandevil83: Sounds interesting. I'm not familiar with the Blue Spider. I'll have to take a look at your previous fics about him. I think I might have missed them.

On the other hand, I would suggest you need to censor some words.

"I made a damn cyborg, and he is about as useful as a condom in an acidic vagina!"

I don't mind using the word condom but vagina can be censored. When it comes to writing stories, you need to watch out for dirty language. In my Wolverine stories, there are a lot of words being used like that and I had to censor them. I would censor like this.

"I made a damn cyborg, and he is about as useful as a condom in an acidic v@g!n@!"

Or you could use the same censor style like what you mentioned, "Any, f--king one! A damn Super-man or not."

Regarding the topic lock, you can send a message to the mods. It works faster that way.

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Guardiandevil83

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The Impersonator

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#5  Edited By The Impersonator
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cbishop

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#6  Edited By cbishop

@guardiandevil83: Cool start. I like that you're playing in the Image Universe- not a lot of fics in that area. As for censoring "vagina," I wouldn't censor that any more than I would "penis." If it were "c--k" or "p---y," then yeah, I'd censor that. People may be uncomfortable with reading those terms, but they are the anatomically correct terms, so they need to deal with their own reasons why they are uncomfortable.

However, having said that, if they only reason to use "vagina/penis" is to be crude, then why use it? That's skirting the edge of the forum standards of what's acceptable and what's not. Dick jokes are easy, but nine times out of ten, anyone who likes dick jokes is only going to remember the dick joke, and not the rest of the story. Anyone who doesn't like dick jokes is going to discount the rest of the writing because there were dick jokes. There's plenty of other ways to be crude and show the character to be an evil sod that are within the forum standards.

Just a thought. Liking the story so far. Added to my FF Long Box - Authors. :)

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ImpurestCheese

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@guardiandevil83: Nice to see some more OC characters on the fan fiction board. Can't wait to see where this is going

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Guardiandevil83

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#8  Edited By Guardiandevil83

@cbishop: Thanks Bishop. Honestly I didn't think much of Tony's joke. It just came to me I honestly didn't try to be crude or offensive or break forum rules. And thanks for the support!

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cbishop

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@guardiandevil83: It didn't seem like you inserted it just for the sake of crudeness. It actually seems within character, although it was an odd analogy. Just throwing my two cents in. Really enjoying the start of this.

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Guardiandevil83

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@cbishop: Is there anything that needs to be edited as far as punctuation etc?

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#12  Edited By cbishop

@guardiandevil83: Just the way you end quotes.

"So what's the job boss?" Asked Theodore "Ted" Machinima...

I'd make it:

"So what's the job boss?" asked Theodore "Ted" Machinima...

"...but they have been moving in to MY city, which is a problem." Twist angrily finished...

I'd make it:

"...but they have been moving in to MY city, which is a problem," Twist angrily finished...

There are other instances of that throughout.

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Guardiandevil83

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Ahhh got ya!