The Real Superman-Part One

Avatar image for deactivated-5d1828448d5f0
deactivated-5d1828448d5f0

6064

Forum Posts

398

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 6

User Lists: 21

Other entry was deleted, so I post this now.

Roswell, New Mexico:

General Dodge stood out in the desert, alone with his thoughts. The wind sprayed in his face like the sea on a sailor. Clouds of dust whipped up in the distance, as Dodge tried to see past the endless void of sand. He squinted his eyes to try to see; an attempt that only proved futile. Why do we gotta be out here? He pondered to himself. Why an army base in the middle of nowhere? This is all horse shi— his thoughts were interrupted by a glowing artifact in the sky. At first, he thought it was just the sun, but later found it was some kind of manmade object flying downwards from the sky.

Immediately, his military instinct kicked in. He radioed the precinct, and hopped in a jeep, driving toward the explosion in the distance.

“—have spotted an unidentified flying object!” He shouted into his radio, “I REPEAT, I HAVE SPOTTED AN UNIDENTIFIED FLYING OBJECT!”

The once dead military base was now alive and abuzz, scrambling to find what caused the impact. Dodge was the first to the crash site, finding a rocket in the center of a small crater. Others pulled up not long after.

Ignoring his training, Dodge slid down the ditch, not caring what harmful effects the rocket might have. In one fluid motion he grabbed his rifle from his back and aimed it at the rocket.

“Dodge, don’t--.” A superior officer shouted from behind. General Dodge paid no heed. He stayed in position, aiming his rifle. As a latch broke on a hatch, he aimed his rifle. Seconds ticked by like hours, and his aim began to shake as his whole body trembled. He was shocked however, to find--

“A baby?”

“What the hell?”

“Some kind of trick?”

There were murmurs among the startled crowd, as everyone took their own guess as to what was going on. Dodge, however, still aimed his weapon, however, was more relaxed by the threat. The baby and he seemed to have a standoff. A test of will. The baby stared intently at the rifle, until suddenly, beams of heat flew from his eyes and contacted with the weapon. Dodge dropped it to the ground as the rifle started smoking, and it fell in a ditch. Dodge shook his hands violently from the burning sensation. The baby giggled an laughed, and Dodge looked into its baby blue eyes, sensing it's innocent nature. He stared at his reflection in the baby's pupils, and saw the look of wonder in his eyes. The sweet, innocent wonder of the baby’s eyes…and he was lost in them.

“He…doesn’t mean any harm.” He said, as if in a trance. He walked over to it, carefully, and picked up the baby, cradling it gently in his arms as he made his way out of the ditch.

His superior officer, who was slightly taller (which was also slightly intimidating) than him, met him outside the crater.

“Care to explain to me what the hell just happened?” He said, sternly, and on the verge of shouting.

Dodge looked at his superior innocently. “I have no idea.” He answered, in as calm a voice he could possibly have for a situation like this.

“We have a super powered being on our hands, General Dodge, a...uhm....” the superior's voice trailed off, and there was a long silence between the two of them. The man finally cleared his throat, “…super human,” he finished, his head bowed slightly, “if you’ll pardon the term.” he mumbled

Avatar image for joshmightbe
joshmightbe

27563

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 13

#1  Edited By joshmightbe

good job, I commented on this earlier don't know why it didn't show

Avatar image for batkevin74
batkevin74

16889

Forum Posts

1712

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 2

User Lists: 13

#2  Edited By batkevin74

@primepower53: It's okay but in the military a General is top level of command and your explanation of Dodge's superior is weak honestly. And if General Dodge is going to be important he probably should have a first name. Your Batman story is better than this.

Avatar image for deactivated-5d1828448d5f0
deactivated-5d1828448d5f0

6064

Forum Posts

398

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 6

User Lists: 21

@Batkevin74: Well, at least it's okay...I never said he what his rank was (I do believe Admiral is a higher rank, however) so he could be a superior. Maybe he runs the organization? Maybe he could be the President. I never said. (Though I will elaborate on him in later chapters) I won't be giving Dodge a first name since I want him to be a sort of Father figure to Superman, and I just feel giving him a first name to call him by will ruin that image (it may just be me, though) I'm glad you like Batman but I see way more potential for this story than the Batman one.

Avatar image for deactivated-5d1828448d5f0
deactivated-5d1828448d5f0

6064

Forum Posts

398

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 6

User Lists: 21

Also I won't be using any fictional characters created by DC other than Superman for this story.

Avatar image for batkevin74
batkevin74

16889

Forum Posts

1712

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 2

User Lists: 13

#5  Edited By batkevin74

@primepower53: Admiral is navy. But since it's your world you can have what you like. General's can outrank generals usually dependent on stars. In the US the President is the commander-in-chief and advised by the joint chiefs who are the highest ranks of the 3 divisions of the armed forces. But as I said on your Batman story; your story, your choice, your way dude

Avatar image for kal_smahboi
Kal'smahboi

3976

Forum Posts

12376

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 2

User Lists: 1

#6  Edited By Kal'smahboi

Very good start. I'm interested to see where this heads. This could probably use a couple more edits though. The very last section ("super human" one) could be stronger. For instance, why would he mention that it's the FIRST super human if there isn't a second. Just little things like that.

Avatar image for deactivated-5d1828448d5f0
deactivated-5d1828448d5f0

6064

Forum Posts

398

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 6

User Lists: 21

@Kal'smahboi said:

Very good start. I'm interested to see where this heads. This could probably use a couple more edits though. The very last section ("super human" one) could be stronger. For instance, why would he mention that it's the FIRST super human if there isn't a second. Just little things like that.

thank you for the comment and feedback. I would like to point out, however, I said:

@primepower53 said:

“We have a super powered being on our hands, General Dodge…humanity’s first…ever…” the superior's voice trailed off, and there was a long silence between the two of them. The man finally cleared his throat, “…super human,” he finished, his head bowed slightly, “if you’ll pardon the term.” he mumbled

So I thought that took care of your criticism, though I admit it might need some clarification in the OP

Avatar image for kal_smahboi
Kal'smahboi

3976

Forum Posts

12376

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 2

User Lists: 1

#8  Edited By Kal'smahboi
@primepower53: No, I'm aware. I just don't think someone would use the term "first" at all when before now it wasn't expected and there's no reason to expect a second. It's like living in 1920 and saying the "first ever World War."
But this is just one man's humble opinion :) Take it with some salt.
Avatar image for deactivated-5d1828448d5f0
deactivated-5d1828448d5f0

6064

Forum Posts

398

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 6

User Lists: 21

@Kal'smahboi said:

@primepower53: No, I'm aware. I just don't think someone would use the term "first" at all when before now it wasn't expected and there's no reason to expect a second. It's like living in 1920 and saying the "first ever World War."But this is just one man's humble opinion :) Take it with some salt.

*thinks about it for a while*

YOU'RE RIGHT!

Avatar image for kal_smahboi
Kal'smahboi

3976

Forum Posts

12376

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 2

User Lists: 1

#10  Edited By Kal'smahboi
@primepower53: Sweet. Glad you agree :) Can't wait to see what comes next.
Avatar image for deactivated-5d1828448d5f0
deactivated-5d1828448d5f0

6064

Forum Posts

398

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 6

User Lists: 21

@Kal'smahboi: thanks!

@joshmightbe: didn't even see that comment (sorry!) thanks, man!

Avatar image for deactivated-5d1828448d5f0
deactivated-5d1828448d5f0

6064

Forum Posts

398

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 6

User Lists: 21

@joshmightbe: @batkevin74: @Kal'smahboi: I changed the story to include Batman in it, since I couldn't think of any ideas, I decided to completely change where I wanted to go with the story, and make it a sort of elseworld story. I hope you guys like it (OP has not been changed) since I plan on bringing Batman in in chapter two. This will be their first meeting. Hope you guys are still interested. :D

Avatar image for primmaster64
Primmaster64

21668

Forum Posts

16273

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 2

#13  Edited By Primmaster64

Cool

Avatar image for thecannon
TheCannon

20262

Forum Posts

2

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 25

User Lists: 47

#14  Edited By TheCannon

@Primmaster64 said:

Cool

What he said.

Avatar image for deactivated-5d1828448d5f0
deactivated-5d1828448d5f0

6064

Forum Posts

398

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 6

User Lists: 21

bump

Avatar image for deactivated-5d1828448d5f0
deactivated-5d1828448d5f0

6064

Forum Posts

398

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 6

User Lists: 21

just to let everyone know, this is a one shot.

Avatar image for tomdickharry1984
tomdickharry1984

842

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 1

User Lists: 1

#17  Edited By tomdickharry1984

Awwww sounded kinda cool, read kinda coolio too. You should write part two :)

Avatar image for deactivated-5d1828448d5f0
deactivated-5d1828448d5f0

6064

Forum Posts

398

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 6

User Lists: 21

@tomdickharry1984: sorry, but I've decided to write The Brave and the Bold featuring Flash and GL