The New 616: X-Factor #1

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hype2

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It was a normal night at X-Mansion, as Professor Charles Xavier strolled past a sign that said Xavier's Institute For Higher Learning. Xavier sauntered towards the entrance courtyard before hearing a strange noise. -Sniff- the Professor tilted his head slightly and began roaming towards a few bushes.

Soon Xavier sat in his wheelchair above the bushes, he widened his eyes. Finding a girl strangely hidden within the bushes, crying, and hiding her face. Suddenly, Xavier sensed strong and powerful mutant potential. "Are you alright?" He asked calmly. The girl suddenly crawled backwards. -Sniff- "What do you want with me?"

The girl collects herself and stands upwards. "I can help you." Xavier tells calmly and slowly. He raises his hand and directs it towards her. "I can help you manage those mutant powers of yours." Suddenly the girl shows her face. Shocked, she cautiously speaks. "How do I know your not working with SENTINEL, Trying to use me!" She steps backwards, away from Xavier's hand.

Xavier soon scoots his wheelchair forward. "I'm Professor Xavier, I am a mutant too, I know what you're going through..." He says as he reads her mind. "and I can help you, help you control your powers. Just take my hand, Wanda." Wanda Maximoff cautiously considers this, but takes his hand. Soon walking with him towards the X-Mansion.

-2 years later-

"I got it!" A man with strange red glasses yells out as he rushes towards the outfield of a baseball field. While the man shouts that out a blue mutant rushes towards the first base. 'Wish I could teleport!' He thinks as the man lugs the baseball towards first base. "Coming right at you, Jean!" The man named Scott sends the ball right at Jean. "Kurt or the ball?!" She questions jokingly before grabbing the ball within her glove.

"You're out!" Jean grins as she speaks. "Aw man..." The blue mutant named Kurt says as he walks away. -Beep- Suddenly a loud noise could be heard all around the institute. "Lets hurry!" Scott announces as he rushes towards the inside of the X-institute.

"It's SENTINEL." Xavier speaks as they stand near a jet on the ground, with an X logo on it. "They want Wanda." Wanda steps up towards him. "They want to draw us out. I won't let em get the best of us!" A man named Logan yelled out as he boards the Jet. "The world needs you today X-men." Xavier said as Wanda, Jean, Nightcrawler (aka Kurt), Rogue, Cyclops (aka Scott), and Beast ride the jet. "Where is Storm?" Cyclops asks curiously. "She won't be attending this mission, don't worry. I believe in you." Xavier speaks as the boarding ramp leading up to the jet closes.

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Bronze_Surfer

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@hype2: I like the premise but I think the shortness in conjunction with the quick pace is making it feel a bit stilted to me. The dialogue gets super quick after the 2 year time skip and I don't feel we get a chance to really know who these characters are. Not only in the sense of their character but also that it goes by so quickly I had to double-take to realize that Rogue and Beast were present. A good start and I think making it a little longer would be an improvement greatly.

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hype2

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@bronze_surfer: I made it shorter for the purpose of setting up the next one, also I was getting tired with writing it, I'll make the next part much bigger.

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PyroFN

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Very interesting premise. Let’s see how it goes.

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TDK_1997

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@hype2: To be honest I am not a fan of this issue. It is problematic in its nature because of its shortness and chaotic narrative.

It doesn't really answer any question and it doesn't really introduce you to the characters. You just read some dialogue from some names and that's it and after that they go on their first mission.

It would have been better if it was longer and you spent a bit more time actually showing out the characters' traits and overall give out more depth about each of them.

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batkevin74

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@hype2: A bit squishy, a big jump ahead and a little short. More please