The Modern Day Casanova Chapter 9 (A Leisure Suit Larry fic)

Well, it is May 14th, and after a dry spell, and focusing on getting videos up on YouTube, I managed to get back to work on fics. The first thing ready ended up being the newest chapter in my Leisure Suit Larry adaptation. This has been a fun little project, and I enjoy doing it. It helps get me in a better mood, especially as I've had to deal with some problems recently, which includes a sprained tendon, at least I hope it is just a sprain. Hopefully, this puts a smile on your faces as I include whimsy into this already funny game.

Again, in due time, this fic will get an updated look to it. I just need to figure out how it will look.

Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Leisure Suit Larry, or any of the characters from the franchise. I do not fully know how everyone relates to one another, and this work is complete fiction. I am not making any profit on this publication, and do this mainly out of a love for the games. Also, the fourth wall will get demolished, and it's repair cost will be all on you.

It is a common myth, held by many people around the world, that those who go to the casino strike it rich. In truth, a majority of the people who go to the casino end up with less going out than coming in. This is because of how most casinos work. They are designed to part fools from their money.

First off, the games of chance at a casino are rigged in favor of the house. Roulette, especially in the United States of America, is rigged with extra spaces on the wheel, but those spaces offer the same odds as the regular numbered spaces. Slot machines have a special mechanism in them to decrease the odds of big payouts. Some casinos also offer free drinks to players since an inebriated mind makes bad choices.

Second of all, Casinos are always on the lookout for people who are cheating. They have cameras all over the place, as well special security personnel, that watch for those who cheat. Card counters are usually identified before they take too much of the house’s money. Cheap cards are used at the card tables to help prevent people from memorizing the decks. Even employees are watched, since some tricks have been known to require an employee in on the scam. (In casinos, there is no honor among thieves.)

Big Winners Casino was unofficially known as the most crooked casino out there. The owner, Julius Bigg, made sure that the only ones cheating were helping the house. To that end, the casual goers to his casino only got access to the video machines. In each one of those, they were programed to slyly eliminate certain cards from the deck. No one could ever attain a Royal Flush in the video poker machines, unless certain conditions were met. (These conditions usually included things like a Presidential Pardon, a Mass service done by someone higher than an Archbishop, a planetary alignment involving six planets, and at least one supernova.) Someone hitting big in Big Winners Casino is only allowed by Julius if he is certain he will be collecting every dollar of that jackpot.

Larry was aware of none of this as the cab stopped outside the casino. He looked up at the casino, admiring the bright lights at neon figures that were high up, and literally giving off the appearance of a tourist. If it was not for the fact that Julius had severe repercussion for anyone who tries to rob patrons on the street, Larry would have been mugged, pickpocketed, or both.

In all truth, only one type of person operated what some might have called a rip off scam. It was usually one of the really unfortunate ones who were usually tossed out of the casino with just their underwear on. This was usually a sign that they had some dignity left. Long ago, the first one who ended up like that had managed to hold on to a little cash. He ended up purchasing a patch of farmland outside Lost Wages and set up an apple orchard.

This orchard actually grew one of the most delicious apples in the world. Rumor was that these apples were able to last days without any preservative means used. One man was said to have placed one in his jacket pocket on a Monday, forgot about it for a week, found it, and when he bit into it, he could of sworn it had been picked that day. The orchard made money on these apples.

What also helped this was the fact that they had a great gimmick for selling to tourists. One member of the orchard workers would walk into Lost Wages in a specially made barrel. This barrel was equipped with a crisper that held three to four apples. They would then stand outside the casino, selling the apples for ten dollars an apple. Only the casino staff would walk by them, ignoring them entirely.

This person correctly pegged Larry as new in town and approached him with his sales pitch ready. Like any other person in a town looking for a easy mark, his sales pitch was custom made for maximum success. He had only one of their forever fresh apples in his crisper and was determined to sell it. Thus, he went into his almost rapid-fire sales pitch.

Larry didn't actually hear the sales pitch, since all he noticed was the barrel the guy wore. He couldn't tell it was specially made, but its appearance said volumes. It said to Larry that the man needed money. As it was, Larry only heard the price. He even thought that he would have paid ten times more, if he had enough to do that. As it was, Larry parted with ten dollars and got an apple beyond compare, which he stowed in a pocket.

There is something odd about some articles of clothing. They sometimes seem bigger on the inside than on the outside. Personally, I can’t tell you the number of times I have had to reach into a pocket, a backpack, even a purse when asked by one of the significant ladies in my life (mother, wife, daughter) and swear the thing is bigger than I thought. It is as if all of these objects were made with mystical properties, or Gallifrian technology.

Once Larry had the apple in his pocket, the man in the barrel headed off. Larry then checked his wallet, and realized he was really getting low on funds. He took the time to check the rest of the block from his vantage point, taking note of another common sight in gambling cities; the quickie wedding chapel. Larry honestly wasn’t sure if he was ever going to go in one of those (at least at that point).

He then walked into the casino. If you’ve never been in one, the floor plan of a casino is designed to expose patrons to the games right away. It is also designed to minimize all signs of time passage. Julius Bigg, who owned this casino, as well as almost every other place in Lost Wages, also employed select people to pose as patrons. They were always stationed at machines that would pay out more often than the other machines, and always paid out in amounts that would match what was put in. This is normally illegal, but many places have employed shills.

These shills put on the appearance that people could win at a casino, especially on the video machines. Julius also preferred using video poker, video blackjack, and slot machines, since then he didn’t have to risk dealers trying to cheat him. As it was, those machines are not fool proof. Many can be regulated to moderate their payout, and odds also plays a factor in winning in some games.

Larry, who knew computer programming, was aware of the odds of certain games paying out. He had played his fair share of video poker games, (but he was too worried about getting caught by his mother to play video strip poker), so he made his way over to the video blackjack machines. While payouts are usually one to one, with blackjacks paying three to two, it would take either a long time of gradually increasing bets to build up a large amount, or a good amount of luck.

In the pre-internet days, computer programmers had a secret underground network, and one day, a disgruntled group of video casino game programmers (who had gotten cheated out of their rightful due) shared the secret on how to win big. The trick had to be pulled off as the deal button was hit, and required a quick sequence of button pushes that involved several buttons (the identities of which I can’t divulge at this point do to a rather insistence gentleman with a Chicago typewriter being with me, and he doesn’t mind me typing this part at all), before the last card is dealt. This trick seems to activate code that makes the dealer always lose. Those who know this trick have used it sparingly, so they don’t get caught.

This being Larry’s first time in a casino, he did everything that a first-time casino goer was expected to do. He felt he was going to win big and put all his remaining money into the machine. He then bet everything and hit the deal button. Once he did that, he performed the code of actions that I cannot divulge at this point. By the time he was done, and the cards were dealt out, he had a two and a three, and the dealers up card was a six. He confidently hit the stand button, and the game continued in a way that is a technical possibility, but unlikely to happen. The down card flipped to show it was a nine, and the next card busted the dealer. Larry’s money was doubled.

Larry then did something foolish. Wise gamblers have adopted a strategy that is completely legal when it comes to being used, and only double the bet after the second win. Larry used a strategy that only fools adopt when trying to recoup their losses. He doubled his bet right away. As he did that, he made sure to act like he was tapping all over the unit. Doing this, he had hoped to mask the combination that allowed him to keep winning hands. (In truth, it drew attention to him via the various hidden cameras that casinos employ, but it took them a while to figure out what he was doing.) By the time he was done playing, his measly two-digit dollar total had jumped all the way up to ten thousand dollars (which was the machine’s limit to prevent people from taking too much of the house’s money).

Larry swaggered away from the machine, glad his funds were now restored, and looked around for a moment. Now that he had funds, he was certain he would need a place to stay. He knew how to get more funds and knew that casinos usually had hotels attached to them. Even lucky gamblers would need to take a break. Larry decided to walk towards the back of the casino and check out the hotel part. The way his luck was going, he figured he might find a lovely lonely lady, who just needed the company of a man for the night.

The truth was there was a lady there who might enjoy a man’s company, but she had a set of standards. If a guy were to find his way up to her, with something to give her that fit with her name, she would deem him worthy of her company, and might even let him stay in her suite after she left. Larry didn’t know it at this point, but that was going to be him. (I feel sorry for her. He’s so clueless.)