Well, it is the 20th of May, and today, I am presenting something new. The new fifth chapter of The Modern Day Casanova. I just completed it this weekend, and is full of the same humor that is in the previous chapters. Larry enters the room with the 'working girl', but is he ready for it? I doubt he would ever be ready for it. And those mods shouldn't worry, a little spoiler here. No 'action' happens. Still, read it and laugh.
Also, in due time, this fic will get an updated look to it.
|General LSL Disclaimer|
Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Leisure Suit Larry, or any of the characters from the franchise. I do not fully know how everyone relates to one another, and this work is complete fiction. I am not making any profit on this publication, and do this mainly out of a love for the games. Also, the fourth wall will get demolished, and it's repair cost will be all on you.
The Modern Day Casanova
|First Chapter||Let's Meet The Man|
|Chapter 2||Lost Wages|
|Chapter 3||Newbie at the Bar Scene|
|Previous Chapter||Bathrooms and Back Rooms|
Chapter 5: The Realm of Typhoid Va-Jay-Jay
I would like to take a moment here to apologize to all the men reading this. You see, during this chapter, I am sure you will notice an odd screaming sound. The male reader's will locate it coming from an area below the belt, and between the legs. This is to be expected as this chapter will be discussing Typhoid Va-Jay-Jay. If you think this is odd, remember that I had to do write this not only at home, but at work, and other locations. And you don't think that is bad, I proofread this stuff via pen and paper. Imagine having to deal with that in a public park.
Larry entered the room, and saw that it looked like the typical trashy room used by a cheap hooker. It contained cheap, or broken-down, furniture. The bed had seedy looking sheets on it. A line was strung across the room with stockings hung on it. It looked tacky, and calling it that was a discredit to tacky places everywhere.
Typhoid Va-Jay-Jay was reclined on the bed, chewing on some gum. For someone in her profession, this had the extra benefit of keeping one's jaws in shape for when a client asked for something outside her norm. (There has been some accounts where the professional suffered lockjaw at a rather inconvenient time. Several lawyers, doctors, and news agencies had a field day with it.) The gum chewing also allowed Typhoid Va-Jay-Jay to talk to her new client. "What did ya want, and did ya pay Tiny?"
Larry started for a moment, taking in all the other details in the room. He noticed the window in the walls, and on a table by the one window, a heart shaped box of chocolates. He then turned his attention to the hooker, and responded. "Oh, yeah, I paid." He paused for a moment, unsure of how to continue. He had heard things when it came to prostitutes and virgins.
There are stories that go around about fathers getting prostitutes for their sons to make them men. In fact, these tales go way back, and in some cultures is a highly respected thing. Even in the old west, some men would do this in order to help a young man to truly become a man. Of course, if it is done nowadays, they also try to make sure the ‘working girl’ is healthy.
Regardless of Larry not knowing about this thought about 'working girls', he did realize some of the hazards when doing business with them. Thus, he eventually went for his wallet, not to pay, but to get the one item all hot blooded young men go for when they are about to 'get it on'. He quickly realized, to his momentary dismay, that he didn't have that item. He had various credit cards, business cards, and event a hint hotline card (whose number is out of service now), but no preventatives, or to be more blunt, a condom.
Larry's head filled with horror, as he realized that he needed to leave here and get one. He would have to get past the pimp again, and the hooker would think he would be paying again for services. He looked around for some way to save face (if I had his face, I wouldn't want to save it), briefly noticing the box of chocolates on a table by the window, before giving up and saying, "I hate to do this, but I forgot something and..."
Before he could get any farther, Typhoid Va-Jay-Jay just waved a dismissive hand and said, "I get it. You're a virgin. I could tell." 'Working girls' have a sixth sense when it comes to virgins. (Larry's choice of a leisure suit, and the fact that he looked like an unsexy Saturday Night Fever John Travolta cos-play were also a dead giveaway.) She kept chewing her gum as she motioned to the window. "Go out that way, and I'll tell him the situation. He'll let you back in, especially if you tell him you had a panic attack. You aren't the first virgin I've had." (He was actually the fifth one she had, and the fourth who was allowed to leave and get protection. The first one was the dumb one.)
Larry thanked her, opened the window, and did what many men did when leaving a lady's place when it got very awkward. He climbed out on the fire escape. Unlike those men, Larry didn't have to do a mad dash for safety. He wasn't running from any one of the following: a jealous significant other, an angry father, an irate mother, an aggressive roommate, an angry pet, or an upset prior conquest (That last one usually led to the lady joining the man on the fire escape).
On the fire escape, he could see a few things. First off, he could see a window that had to be to the prostitute's bathroom. He could see a pill bottle on the window sill, and he wondered what it might be. He then looked below him at the alleyway aside Lefty's. It was your typical alleyway in a city, complete with the bar's dumpster. The only downside was that the dumpster was underneath the fire escape.
Larry had looked towards the front of the building, and moved closer to that end of the fire escape. No doubt that the reason he had done that was because he was seeking a way down that didn't involve landing in the dumpster. He honestly didn't want to end up in the dumpster, and that was very reasonable. The only plus about his leisure suit was that it was still clean.
It should be noted that it is very dangerous to find oneself in a dumpster. First of all, your clothes end up completely filthy. Second, depending on the business, the garbage going in the dumpster could be rotten food, or paperwork, or something unknown. Finally, in an alley like in Lost Wages (or anywhere else in the civilized world), the criminal element would put anything in a dumpster. None of this crossed Larry's mind when he accidentally triggered the ladder down from the fire escape. (He actually fell through a hole in the bottom of the fire escape. Larry thought the ladder story was cooler.)
A loud sound that was a mixture of a splat and a clang echoed through the alley. This was because Larry had fallen into the dumpster. He quickly shot his head out of the garbage in the dumpster, and shaking it to get any garbage out of his hair (or what there was of it). Thankfully, there wasn't anything lethal in it, but he had fallen onto something hard.
He reached down a pulled out a hammer. This particular hammer was what was billed as a left-handed hammer. It had been given to Lefty in an attempt to give the man a useful gift. (Truth be told, Lefty took it as an insult since he already had a hammer, and was actually right-handed.) Not knowing if he might need the hammer or not, he had played his fair share of computer games to know you don't leave such a useful tool behind. Besides, he figured Lefty didn’t want it.
Larry got out of the dumpster, and was amazed at how quickly the garbage fell off of his leisure suit (showing that even garbage had better taste than Larry). He glanced back up to the one window, and noticed it was past a wooden fence of some sort. The only way he could reach it was if he could somehow lean past the railing of the fire escape, and given his own dexterity and agility, he's need a strong cord to hold him.
Larry left the alleyway, and walked back to where the taxi had dropped him off. He needed to find out what else was in Lost Wages, and maybe the local cabbies could help. It was probably too far (and definitely too risky) to walk to the places. He made his way over to the taxi stand sign, waved a hand in air, and uttered those immortal words of great risk, "Yo! Taxi!"
There are two types of Taxi drivers in the world. The first is the one who waits for a call from a dispatcher. These are probably the safer of the two types, since people know the cab is coming, and people know who picks up who, should any reports of wrong doing come about. The others are the ones who wait for someone to shout "Yo! Taxi!" These drivers know they can jack up the fee, and don't necessarily need to contact dispatch. Those immortal words also act like a magic spell, summoning cabs out of thin air (which is safer because of how fast cab drivers in Lost Wages drive.). This means that a cab was there for Larry before he even lowered his hand.
Taking a deep breath, remembering how the last can smelled, Larry got into the cab, and asked, "Hey, cabbie, where's the action at in Lost Wages?" He closed the door giving the cabbie the unspoken signal that he was ready to go.
The cabbie took the cab out of park, and pulled away from the curb. As he did so, he answered the question. "Well, buddy, there are three major points of interest. Ya got Larry's which is the only place with good drinks. Most of the other bars water down their drinks." The cabbie let out a barking laugh at that statement.
He took a moment to turn right, and then continued. "Then you have the casino district. Most of those places are alright, but if want to win big, ya go ta Big Winners Casino. It is even next to da best wedding joint in Lost Wages." The truth about the casino was that it had the most rigged games in town, but that isn't a big selling point.
Finally, as another turn was coming up, the cabbie finished telling Larry about all the key locales. "Finally, ya got Julius's Jamming Jive Discoteque. Very exclusive, and ya need a card to enter. Got to keep the losers out." The last statement was directed to Larry, almost as if it were a hint of some sort. "The losers usually end up at The All American C-Store, which has the cheapest box of wine in town." The cabbie let out a laugh when he said that, one that stated that he would only drink it if it was an option, but that only bums would call the best drink.
Larry took a moment, remembering the highest concern on his mind. He wanted to make sure he achieved his biggest reason for coming to Lost Wages, and he wanted to do it safely. He would need to get to that convenience store. He nodded at the cabbie, and said, “Take me to the convenience store then. I need to pick up some things there.” With that, Larry braced himself as the cab sped off in the direction of The All American C-Store.
|Next Chapter||The American Institution|
|Chapter 7||The Slightly Safer Street of Lost Wages|
|Chapter 8||The First Conquest|
|Chapter 9||Larry's Luck|
|Library Page||RichGenX's Library - The Modern Day Casanova|
Current Cost of Fourth Walls Shattered: $20000 (These are getting expensive.)
|(If there are any concerns, please contact me, and please be polite)|