Well, it is the 21st of March, and today, I bring the second chapter of The Modern Day Casanova. This second chapter helps show the place where our 'hero', Larry, is heading. This series stands out a little, as most of what I am doing in this is from memory. This is one of the few fics I'm doing that is on the fly, so to speak. I hope you enjoy this second chapter.
|General LSL Disclaimer|
Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Leisure Suit Larry, or any of the characters from the franchise. I do not fully know how everyone relates to one another, and this work is complete fiction. I am not making any profit on this publication, and do this mainly out of a love for the games. Also, the fourth wall will get demolished, and it's repair cost will be all on you.
The Modern Day Casanova
|Previous Chapter||Let's Meet The Man|
Chapter 2: Lost Wages
Now, as Larry makes his way to his destination, it should be noted that he made a serious mistake, and this is a mistake that some people tend to make due to something they can’t control. You see, when Larry told the cabbie to take him to Las Vegas, he was full of excitement for all the possible positive outcomes of going there. In that excitement, what he meant to say, and what he actually said were two different things, yet sounded similar.
This mispronunciation issue isn’t all that uncommon. People with the condition known as stuttering go through it. People who have conditions similar to Down’s Syndrome also have trouble communicating what they are saying, and those they speak to sometimes ask them to repeat something a few times to make sure they understand what was said. Another group of people who have a hard time communicating are those with notoriously thick accents. They don’t notice it themselves, but other people sometimes ask them, to their frustration, multiple times to clarify what they say.
This is why those overly excitable people, who rush though their words, cause so much trouble. When Larry said his destination, the cabbie didn’t hear ‘Las Vegas’, but heard ‘Lost Wages’. This was not a place the cabbie wanted to hear, and even asked Larry to clarify with the usual, “You sure, buddy?” When Larry nodded, the cabbie gulped, and started the long, and to him dreaded, drive.
The cabbies of the United States of America all know one place by name. It is a place they never want to go, for fear of ending up there permanently. That is Lost Wages. Lost Wages is a town almost exactly like Las Vegas, except that it isn’t on any map. The man who owned much of the town, known only to the locals as Julius, made sure it remained off the maps. Lost Wages was for those either determined to part with all their money, or rich enough to afford a truly secluded get away.
Of course, unknown to most of the country (possibly until now), and the world, is a secret that the cabbies share. When it comes to that location, the secret union of Cabbies worked out a deal with an organization of men in black suits. The cabbies would be allowed to specialize their vehicles for drives to that location, in exchange for information about certain clients and circumstances. It is ironic that the cabbies that fulfill their part of the bargain that they don’t seem to remember doing so, but it was worth it to shorten any time getting to, and away from, Lost Wages. It is for this reason, the cabbie pushes a hidden button under his fare counter. While the vehicle would travel at higher velocities than normal, the passenger would be unaware of how fast they would be going.
Lost Wages was home to a high number of homeless, as well as a high number in debt to the casinos in Lost Wages. There was also a number of freelance cons running various scams in the town, and anyone working for Julius knew who they were. Even the cabbies in Lost Wages were indebted to Julius, and that was because that was the only place they could find a job after surviving their DUI charges.
To be honest, the taxies were the only vehicles that ran in Lost Wages. No one drove, and no one dared walk away from the few businesses that Julius has high security on. Lurking past those areas was either the numerous homeless, or one of the local thugs, who secretly gave part of their take to Julius. It was a small price to pay, in their minds, for all the crimes they committed. Some of their victims either ended up in the hospitals, also own by Julius, or the morgue. There is still one case of one guy waking up in the morgue, much to the coroner’s surprise. Julius made that man a celebrity, especially as the man claimed he had heard a voice saying he messed things up again, and he claimed his body was recycled into a new, yet identical, form. This claim could be met with the same believability that Larry would be met with if he told anyone that he was going past the Gateway Arch and then Mount Rushmore in the matter of minutes.
Another group that didn’t worry about the police was a small gang of criminals that preyed on some of the unsuspecting men who came to Lost Wages. This group had an epic scam going. The head of the group would seduce men, bait them with the hope of a night of intimacy, under certain conditions. One of the members would plant a special ring, while two others played key roles in the scam. One of them was an actual licensed clergyman, while another was close to being an ambulance chaser who had a sideline in alcohol. Julius didn’t care about their antics, since it helped him in the long run.
There was also prostitution in Lost Wages, which was a key difference from Las Vegas. In the later, the act was illegal in city limits. In Lost Wages, it was legal. It was the only criminal enterprise that wasn’t under Julius’s watchful eye, and that was because of one known hooker in Lost Wages. Every person knew which hooker it was, but not everyone knew where she, or her pimp, operated. She had earned a reputation that no hooker should have ever earned, and Julius used it to keep some of his people in check. The hooker was only known by the name everyone else called her; Typhoid Va-Jay-Jay.
I must pause here for a moment, since that name has the same effect to a man as hearing a toilet flush while taking a shower. As one comedian has put it, his whoie-who looked up at him and screamed when hearing the toilet flush when in the shower. We all know what happens when that happens. You get hit with a pantload of hot lava, and you are actually doing the fabled pee-pee dance while trying to avoid that on the part of the body that men care about most.
Well, Typhoid Va-Jay-Jay has the same effect on men. You see, this woman has, over the years, contracted every know venereal disease in the books. EVERY KNOWN ONE!. About twenty or so diseases have literally taken root in her, and she has shown no signs of any of them affecting her. I know it sounds as believable as the fact that right now Larry’s cab is dashing through the territory of Area 51. What has happened, however, is that they all got together and formed a new threat. This fast acting threat works in minutes on the men who do see her without protection. The unfortunate men who ended up with this new threat quickly found out the risk when their ‘package’ would start to swell and eventually explode. If that didn’t cause death, the shock of it happening would be sure to do. Personally, I wouldn’t want that to happen to any man, no matter how despicable, or deplorable, they are.
With all these factors either accepted, or under Julius’s control, it is hard to believe that there is anything illegal in Lost Wages, but there are small items that the police need to keep in line. Well, they mainly watch out for those committing the act of indecent exposure. Wardrobe malfunctions are no excuse, nor being absentminded and not removing some sort of protection. Exposing one's self is the most serious of offences, and the cops treat anyone committing as a serious threat. They also keep track of all known offenders from all over the world, (which is why Pee Wee Herman is at the top of the list in Lost Wages).
All this makes Lost Wages a very hostile place for people who don’t know any better. Only those who are smart enough not to gamble in any sort of way, and just stay in the hotel for seclusion, or knows how to go to a bar and not get sloppy drunk can truly survive in Lost Wages. The only way out of that city is to keep your wits, and somehow keep your money so you can afford to leave. That last one is tricky to, since Julius, who as I stated owns most of Lost Wages, has a similar view about money like New Jersey government; for every dollar in your pocket, two dollars of it is his. (Think about it. New Jersey is the only state you have to pay to leave.)
Now that I have informed you of what Larry is in for, I should tell you that his taxi, taking less time to get from Larry’s home to Lost Wages than it took you to read this through (even if you had to stop several moments to recover from laughter or rolling your eyes), finally reached the only safe point for out of town cabbies. He unceremoniously dropped Larry outside the one bar, and drove off before Larry could even offer him a tip. (This is uncommon for any cabbie, anywhere in the world, but when Lost Wages is concerned, no tip is worth it.) He didn’t even wait for Larry to thank him, or for any trite comment, which was actually part of the usual repartee until the mid-nineties. (That changed after the whole Bel Air incident involving some kid from Philadelphia telling the cabbie ‘Smell ya later.’ It was considered nothing until it made its way onto television at least once a week).
And with that, Larry arrives in Lost Wages. You have to feel sorry for him, since he’s so clueless, right?
|Next Chapter||Newbie at the Bar Scene|
|Chapter 4||Bathrooms and Back Rooms|
|Chapter 5||The Realm of Typhoid Va-Jay-Jay|
|Chapter 6||The American Institution|
|Chapter 7||The Slightly Safer Street of Lost Wages|
|Chapter 8||The First Conquest|
|Library Page||RichGenX's Library - The Modern Day Casanova|
|Current Cost of Fourth Walls Shattered: $2000||(If there are any concerns, please contact me, and please be polite)|