Well, Happy Cinqo De Mayo. It's May 5th, 2020, and while it has been a while since I posted, due to headaches, stress, self isolation, changing jobs and other stuff. My life had been in turmoil. Still, I manage to emerge from the shadows of real life to post a new chapter in my Leisure Suit Larry adaptation. This will not be the only thing I put up this week, since I have something else ready for tomorrow. Also, I believe there might only be two more chapters of this particular title, but I'm not fully certain yet. Still I hope you enjoy this.
Again, in due time, this fic will get an updated look to it. I just need to figure out how it will look.
|General LSL Disclaimer|
Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Leisure Suit Larry, or any of the characters from the franchise. I do not fully know how everyone relates to one another, and this work is complete fiction. I am not making any profit on this publication, and do this mainly out of a love for the games. Also, the fourth wall will get demolished, and it's repair cost will be all on you.
The Modern Day Casanova
|First Chapter||Let's Meet The Man|
|Chapter 2||Lost Wages|
|Chapter 3||Newbie at the Bar Scene|
|Chapter 4||Bathrooms and Back Rooms|
|Chapter 5||The Realm of Typhoid Va-Jay-Jay|
|Chapter 6||The American Institution|
|Chapter 7||The Slightly Safer Street of Lost Wages|
|Chapter 8||The First Conquest|
|Chapter 9||Larry's Luck|
|Chapter 10||Checking out the Casino|
|Previous Chapter||To The Hippest Joint In Town|
Chapter 12: Here Comes The … SUCKER
First off, let me apologize for the title of this chapter. For many years growing up, when with my father in a car, whenever we would pass a wedding, my father would mock yell towards the window ‘SUCKER’. It was never loud enough to be heard by anyone outside the car, but it was a tradition of sorts. It should be noted that at the time of this chapter’s writing, my parents had been married for nearly forty-seven years, and had my wife not passed away, we would be approaching our fifteenth anniversary.
Second of all, in this case, a sucker really was walking into a marriage. Larry had gotten out of the disco and walked to the curb summoning a taxi cab. As always, the cab appeared out of nowhere, and Larry got in. This time, the cabbie was a little different, not that Larry noticed. Larry was too fixated on his upcoming nuptials to be concerned about the cab he had gotten into, or the fact that it had not been the usual cabbie he had encountered every time he hailed a cab in Lost Wages. (My research had led me to find out that he always ended up having the cab with the license plate ‘3MTA3’ on both the front and the back, not like it has any significance.) Larry could have even sworn that before he even said where, the cabbie said, “Heading to the Quick-E-Wed Chapel, got it.”
You see, this is because this particular cabbie was not just part of the cab services in Lost Wages, but also part of this group of scammers that were running a special con in Lost Wages. In fact, he has a total of three trips to perform as part of the con. Unlike other cab rides, he doesn’t drive at breakneck speeds, but at a more relaxed pace, thus giving time for everyone to get their parts ready. The mark is usually too preoccupied in their heads to realize the slow speed of the cab. He also waits for a special signal to indicate when things are ready. Luckily, the signal light went on just as he would need to turn to approach the chapel.
As it happened, the cab turned towards the Quick-E-Wed chapel, which had actually been a church back in the early days of Lost Wages. According to the story, it had been a church set up by a woman who had heard God’s calling just as she crossed paths with some man calling himself Zircon Jim. While not much else is known, the church tried to get a following, but it appeared no one wanted to take a woman preacher seriously, and the church was bought up by Julius Bigg’s ancestor, Thadeous Little. The Little’s had actually been the black sheep of the Bigg family and remained a wedding chapel in part because the Little’s still had a say in that. (There is a second rumor that involved some serious negotiations out of state involving two twins named Abraham and Jefferson in someplace called Hazzard, but I haven’t confirmed it yet.)
When the cab did stop, Larry paid the cabbie, even giving him a nice tip, and got out. Since the place had been an actual church in its past, Larry hadn’t been expecting the place to look so nice. Of course, when in a place like Lost Wages, one expects a place where quickie weddings are performed at to be small and not so religious. This was countered by a slightly unusual sight in the city of Lost Wages; a tall man wearing a trench coat.
In a city like Lost Wages, there is usually a reason for a man to be standing on a corner, under a streetlamp and wearing a trench coat. The first reason is that he is part of some clandestine meeting, and that he is about to meet his secret contact and exchange some secret package or code word (In Lost Wages, this usually involves blackmail, and usually happens near the strip club.) The second is usually a private investigator trying to pursue a subject of an investigation, although if they are under a light, they are trying to meet with someone who has important information for their case. A third person usually donned in a trench coat is usually a person selling illegal goods and has them all over the interior of the jacket, the thing acting like a mobile display stand.
The final type of person, however, is one who would be taking a great risk in Lost Wages. That person is one who openly exposes their naked body to any passers-by. Most reported cases of Flashers, as they are commonly known, are usually male, most likely because women are more shocked by the act, and the belief that men runaway faster (this is also likely to the fact that men are more likely going to enjoy the sight they see, and more likely pursue the female flasher in hopes of something more than report the act.) Since the police in Lost Wages are so strict on indecent exposure, it is hard to believe that such a person would be standing so close to a chapel, even one that does minute weddings.
Larry, being the typical naïve tourist, as well as clueless chump, let his curiosity get the better of him, and approached the figure. Now Larry was familiar with the concept of Flashers and with the concept of streakers, and like most people his age, he had heard Ray Stevens’s The Streak multiple times (and why not, it is quite the fun song to listen to). He also figured he wouldn’t be the target of a Flasher since he was a guy. He figured wrong as the Flasher opened his coat as Larry approached.
Larry blinked in shock, and then noticed something he hadn’t expected. Instead of the typical naked man being under the trench coat, there were two midgets, standing on top of one another. It should also be noted that the one on bottom was endowed with a rather long nose. (I would like to momentarily apologize for the use of the term midget, since I cannot be certain to the reason for the short stature of the two individuals, and I highly doubt they were children.)
Once Larry got over the shock, he made his way into the Quick-E-Wed Chapel. Larry was honestly surprised a bit at its appearance since he had never been in a place like that before. Since the place had been a real church in the past, it was bigger than most. Since a standard quick wedding parlor was designed for quick weddings, it was usually set up for a very small wedding, like a court wedding, with a bit of show. This usually mean room for at most two witnesses, the bride and groom, at least a best man and maid of honor, and the minister.
Waiting up at the altar was Fawn, and Larry’s mind started to ignore everything else that would have nothing to do with the immediate future with her. That meant he didn’t notice the pastor downing a drink from a hip flask. He also didn’t hear the priest ask Fawn, “So he’s the mark. Let’s hope he has a decent amount. I had to turn away two high paying drunk horny idiots.” It is said that at that time, there was a divine moment in which the priest had a moment of instant sobriety, where all alcohol disappeared from him like it had been vaporized by some invisible beam. (Some men will swear that this feeling is generated by a look that can shoot daggers and precedes the uttering of their full name.)
Fawn had walked up to Larry, and in a coo that reeked of fake sincerity (not that Larry was experienced to notice) said, “You got here just in time. I just finished getting everything organized here and the hotel. I was just able to get the Honeymoon Suite.” It was a combination that had the effect on Larry that Fawn knew it would have, as she had used that combination on others before. She could already see a tightening in his pants. That made it difficult for many men to think straight. (This is a mystery many people don’t understand. I even have to take a few moments to calm myself down to think straight if I find myself ‘at attention’.)
Larry, now suffering from a lack of blood going to the brain, simply nodded and walked up to the altar. Now, I won’t go into the full dialog of ceremony, since most people are aware of how a wedding ceremony goes. Of course, with an abridged ceremony in a quickie wed chapel, it moves a lot quicker. There is the lack of asking if anyone opposes the marriage, no exchanging of vows. A ceremony that takes near an hour is reduced to less than five minutes. The seriousness of the ceremony was also decreased by the fact that the minister took a few swigs from his hip flask, something not even those who dress up for themed weddings would do (not even if you want Wild West themed wedding.)
Once the joke of a ceremony was over (and yes it was a joke as there was no actual marriage license since this minister was in on the scam and neglected to fill one out for Fawn for the umpteenth time), Fawn once again used that coo on Larry. "Oh, Larry, now we're married. I'm going to head up to the Honeymoon Suite and get ready. Don't be too long getting up there." She then headed out of the Quick-E-Wed Chapel, making sure she sashayed in a way to keep Larry's brain deprived of blood.
It took Larry a few moments to recover from that sight, and he quickly left the Chapel, pausing just long enough to give the minister a little gratuity. (Depending on the chapel, the faith, and membership in the church, this can be expected, or done as a nicety. In this case, Larry didn’t know the man was getting a cut of the scam’s take.) Larry then ran outside of the Chapel, and over to the Casino. It is to Larry’s credit for explorations earlier that he didn’t need to ask where the Honeymoon Suite was. He dashed through the lobby, past the various machines (taking note if he needed to get some cash later) and got into the elevator. After wishing for a moment that he knew where the stairs were, or being thankful that he didn’t know their location, he pushed the button to take him to the fourth floor, and the location of the Honeymoon Suite.
While Larry was getting to the room, Fawn was basically preparing the room for the next part of her scam. First off, she made sure the room’s phone was disconnected, and hidden away. Most Honeymooning couples wouldn’t be too concerned with the lack of phone, since they would be busy consummating their marriage. Fawn was also switching the radio in the room with one she had prepared for the scam. While it looked like the radio in the room to begin with, it actually had a prepared commercial set up for the final part of her scam. She was also making sure of the ribbons on the bed, which due to Julius being aware of various interests, were quite durable for alternative lifestyle choices.
Thus, when Larry finally knocked on the door, since he didn’t have an actual key to the room, Fawn had unlocked the door, and beckoned him in. As Larry entered the suite, he had been expecting a slightly different sight than what he saw. Larry had imagined that Fawn would have gotten into something sexier than her dress (and very, very revealing, if anything at all), but she was still in the dress she had been wearing. This part wasn’t overly disappointing, however, since the dress highlighted her figure.
Now, if you have never been in a Honeymoon Suite, they are usually decked out for romance in some way or another. Some places have several rooms decked out in all sorts of themes. Depending on the place, and how much they look to make using themed rooms, as well as how much tourist business they bring in, some can be very extravagant. (The room my late wife and I had on our Honeymoon had a two-person jacuzzi in it.) Even places that don’t have to cater to the newlywed crowd do a little something, usually including specially shaped beds. In this case, the bed had a heart shape to it, and the room had a pinkish theme to it.
Since Larry wasn’t oblivious to the look of the room, he started to walk over to the radio. He figured the radio would be preset with a station devoted to romantic music. (Since this was years before specialty channels, and XM Radio, such music would be provided by an internal service, much in the same ways they can control which channels are allowed to be viewed.) He was rewarded when he turned it on and heard the sounds of some of the most romantic music ever heard. It would generate the right mood for making love.
Larry then made his way over to the foot of the bed. Fawn was still sitting there, in her tight in all the right spots dress. He then tried to lean in close, hoping to kiss his new wife, (at least he thought she was his wife now), and said, “Are you ready for the honeymoon, Mrs. Laffer?” Larry had figured this was the right thing to say, due to some of the movie and television programs. (It was more likely than the tackle to the bed, and quickly ripping off clothes he had seen in the one movie at one bachelor’s party he had been attended, (and that was because they accidentally sent him an invitation)). This was one of the few times Larry got something right about relations with women, since loving couples do talk like that shortly after marriage.
Fawn, however, slowed Larry down, since she had no intentions of consummating their marriage. She only had to keep her charade up just a little longer. She had a line that no man had yet to object to. It helped that she made sure she was cooing at him as she said, “Larry, you know what would make this better, and improve the mood? Some champagne.”
This request made Larry pause. With every place he had been in the Lost Wages, he had yet to see a real liquor store, or anyplace that offered something more sophisticated than wine in a box. It was a real problem, and Larry would need a solution. The first thought was to call room service, but a quick glance around the room ruled that out, since there was no phone there. This wasn’t because there was no phone in the room, but because Fawn had made sure it was hidden, and well out of reach. Larry thought this was so they wouldn’t get bothered at all. Larry was also unaware that there was a strict no alcohol was to be delivered to any of the rooms policy in place, at lease by room service. It could be delivered from an outside source.
While Larry was trying to figure out how to get champagne to the room, it was at this time that an advertisement was on the radio, breaking up the romantic music. Now, a reasonable person might question this ad that proudly proclaimed, “We’re Ajax Liquor, and we’re proud to say, we deliver all across the U.S.A. You’re out of luck if you want to dine, but if you just need booze dial 555-8039” on a station devoted to romantic music. (While typing this info up, for some reason my mind first heard an annoying jingle, and then it transformed into a rap style tune. Definitely out of place on a station devoted to romantic music. Hell, you, dear reader, are probably hearing it now too.) Since most of Larry’s blood wasn’t going to his brain, he ignored that fact, but realized he had a solution to his problem.
Larry made a dash for the door, but quickly said to his ‘wife’, “Fawn, I’ll just go make a call, and we should have champagne in no time.” He then left the room and prepped his stomach for the trip to the lobby. The trip in the elevator was still nauseating, but Larry was willing to keep enduring it since he remembered seeing a phone in the lobby. He wasn’t wrong about that, but he had forgotten one key detail about it.
Of course, while Larry went down to the lobby, the champagne was already being delivered, since they were actually in the room next door. The delivery man was actually part of the scam as well and was Fawn’s partner in more ways than one. He got to the suite, delivering the champagne, and knowing they would have time while Larry called for the delivery, had a quickie. Since they were already intimate with each other, they knew perfectly what to do to maximize their pleasure. I will avoid going into any detail since the only people who want to know are the people who aren’t reading this right now because they are too young or too immature to be reading this. (SEE THAT. YOU TRY TO KEEP READING THIS KIDS, AND YOU RUIN IT FOR THE ADULTS.)
Larry, unaware that someone else was now in the honeymoon suite, had finally reached the lobby, and because he didn’t want to waste any time, made his way to the phone. He forgot about the dizzying effects of the elevator, so he looked like he was drunk already as he walked. When he finally reached the phone, he fished for a quarter, and then his heart fell when he saw it, the wad of chewing gum in the coin slot. In truth, he had forgotten about the gum in the slot (due to the fact that most of the blood devoted to helping his brain work had been diverted to between his legs.) That meant he would have to find another phone, and quick.
He went out to the casino floor, and looked around, hoping to find a phone. Of course, there wasn’t one to be found. That would distract gamblers from gambling. This meant Larry would have to seek out a phone somewhere. He did remember seeing a pay phone by the convenience store, but he couldn’t recall seeing any elsewhere. He didn’t want to go all that way, but it looked like he had no choice.
Larry ran out of the casino and hailed a cab. For once, he was thankful for their faster than normal speed. The quicker he got to the phone and back, the better. He wanted to get to consummating his marriage as quickly as possible. Of course, Larry was unaware of what was going on in the hotel room at the moment. Unknown to Larry, as well as to Fawn, Julius had just recently installed hidden cameras to this room, in part to provide material for the premium cable channel he owned. (There was a waiver in extra fine print hidden in the room rental agreement, that covered not only the people renting the room, but anyone who entered.) Larry might find out what was happening in the room later on in his life, provided he turns on the right channel at the right time.
As the cab sped to the convenience story, taking the most indirect route there, since it was the cabbie in on Fawn’s scheme, many things were happening. As you know, Fawn and her partner were having one hell of a time in the Honeymoon Suite (and the performance was one of the highest rated on the naughty couples segment of an adult hidden video show), and one individual was watching that lone pay phone, double checking the script they had together. They had a special surprise ready for when Larry returned.
When the cab finally pulled up, and Larry got out, paying what he owed, that individual dialed the pay phone number. This individual was the same one Larry had talk to earlier, and she was all ready for when he picked up the phone.
Larry was a bit shocked that the very phone he was going to order wine with was ringing. He glanced around, which is the typical response to anyone who hears a pay phone ring back in the day. You see, back in the day before cell phones were the norm, the first thing one usually did when a phone rang was to look around to see if anyone else was nearby. Seeing that no one else was nearby, since that bum wasn’t anywhere in sight, and no one was rushing out of any of the buildings, Larry picked up the phone.
Before Larry could even say hello, the woman had changed her tone, and read from her script. She had been doing that call number for a long time, and her own past seems to suggest that even how she achieved her education might be suspect. Regardless, she had perfected her voice to deliver the ultimate experience. She quickly went into the script, and Larry heard every word of it. (I would have included the actual words, however, I had multiple problems when typing it up, including several ruined pairs of underwear, pants, passing out due to sudden blood loss from my brain. I won’t go into the problems that arose from proofreading this, nor how I avoided arrest after the officer read the rough draft and had similar issues. In the end, I decided to omit the text, since I have no idea where you, the reader, are reading this from.) Larry’s reaction by the time the script was done was thankfully not ruined pants, but I have no doubt they were extremely tight. He was also seen to have a look on his face that would make the wolf from the old Tex Avery cartoons, or Jim Carrey’s portrayal of The Mask, seem a bit tame.
It took Larry a few minutes to calm down, due to the lack of an ice cold shower (I needed two after writing this section, and another two after proofreading) but he eventually regained his wits and made the phone call he had come there to make. He waited for a moment, and once the person picked up, he quickly said, “Hey, I need a bottle of your best champagne delivered to the....”
Before Larry got the last words out, the man on the other end responded. “The honeymoon suite at Big Winners Casino. Say no more. I’ll send it right over. I will even send my fastest, hunkiest delivery boy over.” He hung up quickly after that, and left Larry wondering how many honeymooners had needed to order from this place. Larry then realized the important words in what the man said. A guy described as ‘hunkiest delivery boy’ could cause problems for him. He was worried his new bride might be unfaithful, especially since he was aware that he definitely didn’t fall into the hunkiest category (in his mind, he was a hunk, but not hunkiest).
Again, Larry tempted fate by signaling a taxi. He did appreciate the time it would take, since the faster he got back, the better. The cab had barely stopped when he leapt into it, shouting, “Back to the Casino, and step on it.” He momentarily regretted those last words, as those are words any cabbie lives for. The cab took off the second the door was closed, and Larry felt himself become part of the seat. It is said that once the cab took off, other people on the streets of Lost Wages claimed that there was a plaid blur on the streets. This was determined to be a lie, since Ludicrous speed was definitely too slow for the cab to be moving (under normal circumstances).
Once the cab arrived at the casino, it took Larry a few minutes to get out of the seat, since he was embedded in the seat. The cabbie didn’t complain about that, since he kept the meter running during that time. If you need a better explanation for this, picture yourself getting out a big bean bag chair, where your feet are off the floor, and you can’t reach the floor with ease. You probably realized how long it took Larry to get out of the cab seat. Once he was out, he paid the fare, and ran into the casino.
Larry didn’t bother to look for stairs, since he needed to get up to the Honeymoon Suite quickly. While he was certain that he could make the run up the steps faster than the elevator could get him up there, he wasn’t sure where they were. He then ran to the elevator, braced himself, and pushed the button for the fourth floor.
As he ascended, Fawn was just finishing up hiding the little tryst she had had in Larry’s absence. She was aware that Larry was gullible, but there would be a slight chance (and by slight chance, I mean the kind of odds one has winning two powerball jackpots back to back odds) that he might be wise to the plan. She had perfected the innocent look given how many times she had done this scam. She also knew how to sound innocent, and even how to be forgiven for a slight mistake by those who were gullible. That’s why when she heard the knock on the door, she knew who it was, and responded, “Oh baby, it’s you! You’re back!!” She had then unlocked the door, and said, “Come on in, you wonderful hunk!”
Larry, being hopeful, opened the door once it was unlocked, saying “Here I come, baby!” Larry was hoping that he had arrived just before the delivery boy had gotten there. It was a boost to his ego, especially since he felt he was a hunk even though he wasn’t decked out in muscles. He gave her a smile as he walked in the room.
To his momentary dismay, he saw Fawn pout a moment, as she said, “Oh, Larry it’s you! I thought it was that cute, young delivery boy again.” Now, most men would find this disconcerting to hear on their wedding night, and most likely file for divorce the same day. There is a very small amount of men who would forgive the new bride for that, either realizing she didn’t mean it, or were just of a forgiving nature regardless. Larry was one of those that Fawn liked to target: completely clueless.
Larry decided to overlook it, since he noticed the bucket on the dresser, full of ice and a bottle of champagne. Being the good man here, he opened the bottle, and poured two glasses of champagne. Holding on to the bottle, he walked over and handed the one glass to Fawn. They both downed one glass, and Larry poured them another. After the second glass, Larry saw Fawn give him a suggestive look and said, “Lie down, Larry. I have a special surprise for you!” This made Larry smile, as well as made his blood rush down to ‘manhood’. He was ready for this. As he got on to the bed, Fawn cooed “Close your eyes.” Larry, of course, did as she said.
Now, if you want a detailed description of what Fawn did to him, the best I can do is to picture the second Larry laid down on the heart shaped bed, that pink box with the word censored covered the bed. (This time, I have to describe it this way as the whole event is on video, but since it is under certain ownership, I am forbidden from describing it in detail under penalty of death and lawsuit.) During this time, Fawn is taking her time to undress Larry, making sure to keep him aroused. This resulted in the typical moans of passion from the newly married man on their wedding night. For Larry it was things like “Oh, Fawn!” and “Ooh, Baby! That feels so good! Oooooooooh!!”
Now, while that pink box is covering your view, I can only assume that you are wondering what is happening at this point. Well, I must ruin your imagination because it is at this point when Fawn starts to do something that makes Larry start to wonder. It begins as Larry realized that Fawn still had her dress on. He asked at this point, still aroused as it could be told by the fact that his briefs appeared to be straining, “Say, Fawn, when are you going to get undressed?” The question remained unanswered as Fawn worked her way around the bed and pulled the ribbons that were part of the bed’s decoration, reveal some ropes the same color. Larry also noted them and asked, “Hey, what’s the deal with the rope?”
It is about this time that Larry snapped out of his lust induced haze. You see, since Larry just recently entered the social scene, he was unfamiliar with all the different lifestyles out there. Thus he was unfamiliar with the lifestyle that involved being restrained. This was more evident when he exclaimed, “Why are you tying me to the bed?”
Fawn was usually good at picking out victims who didn’t have a secret fantasy involving this sort of thing, but on the rare occasions she did, even then she still had this all planned out. It was at this time, if you are still using your imagination, that the censored box would disappear, revealing Larry tied nearly tight to the bed. She actually made sure it was tight enough so he couldn’t escape, but loose enough to make him think it was possible. She then fished out his wallet, and removed all the visible bills, which was basically his casino winnings, and tucked them down that one place no decent man (and most of the indecent men as well) would dare reach down, coldly saying, “You forgot to pay me for the champagne.” She then left the honeymoon suite, having completed her con.
Larry was still unaware of things and did what many other men have done before him. He started to call out for her to return and release him. “FAWN! Come back! This isn’t funny!!” (In truth, it was funny, and make the top ten funniest videos on PornProdCorp’s sexy bloopers show.) After that, Larry realized how bad of a situation he was in, and as he tugged at his restraints, he started to realize that he had to get out of this mess, but he wasn’t entirely sure how.
|Library Page||RichGenX's Library - The Modern Day Casanova|
Effects of Fourth Walls Shattered: I've stop keeping track. It's too much to total.
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